Grey Continued: Season 5 Episode 19

This is a work of creativity. As such, you may see words, concepts, scenes, actions, behaviors, pictures, implements, and people that may or may not be socially acceptable and/or offensive. If you are sensitive to adverse and alternative subject matter of any kind, please do not proceed, because I guarantee you’ll find it here. You have been warned. Read at your own risk.

I do not own Fifty Shades Trilogy, or the characters. They belong to E. L. James. I am only exercising my right to exploit, abuse, and mangle the characters to MY discretion in MY story in MY interpretation as a fan. If something that I say displeases you, please, just leave. If you don’t like this story or me, please don’t spoil this experience for everyone. Just go away. For the rest of you, the saga continues…

Season 5 Episode 19


It’s kind of hard to maneuver a field trip when one of the occupants of your party is all about gourmet food while another is barely eating.

Sophie is excited to go to the gourmet restaurants and food sites and even just to taste whatever local fares that Vegas has to offer, while Marilyn only sits at various tables picking at the smallest servings of the simplest foods, if she ventures to eat anything at all. She doesn’t look as sickly as she did when the trip began. Her coloring isn’t so pale, but her hair still looks very brittle and she hasn’t gained a pound. She hasn’t lost anymore that I can tell, thank God, but she’s downright skinny now, and she’s never been that way.

I don’t want to send her back to Seattle because the last thing I want is for her to be alone and that far away. However, whenever we go on some kind of food excursion, she escapes to her room anyway. I wonder what she does in there all alone for hours. I know that she’s been meditating and doing some yoga, but that doesn’t take up an entire day. Does she just sit around and mope about Gary day in and day out?

“Have you checked on Gary at all?” I discreetly ask Al at brunch on Sunday. He shakes his head.

“I’ve been a bit distracted, Jewel,” he admits.

“I’m sorry,” I reply, “it’s just that since he responded to you faster than he spoke to anyone else, I thought…” I trail off. “If he’s doing half as badly as Marilyn, I’d be concerned.” Al looks across the room at Marilyn typing away on her phone.

“She’s still not eating?” he asks. I shake my head.

“Her shakes and supplements are packed full of nutrients,” I tell him. “She’s worked herself up to maybe a course per day, but it’s nowhere near enough. She supposed to be slowly introducing food back into her system, but I think she’s going too slowly.” Al shakes his head.

“I think you’re right. You might want to have one of your Jewel talks with her,” he says.

“I have been,” I say. “I’ve been keeping an eye on her as much as I can, but I know as well as anybody that when you’re in love with someone, it can take years to get over them.”

“She’s not going to survive for years at the rate that she’s going,” he says, pointing discretely at Marilyn.

“I know,” I lament. “I’ll call Philip and see if he can check in on Gary. I’d hate to know that he’s suffering a similar fate.”

“He looked fine when I saw him at Christmas, Jewel,” Al says, “just heartbroken.” I shrug.

“Heartbreak hits different people in different ways, I suppose,” I reply.


Dinner this evening is at Gordon Ramsey’s restaurant, Hell’s Kitchen, in Caesar’s Palace, where you’re greeted with Satan’s flaming pitchforks at the door… I mean literally in flames! Burning! Unfortunately, Gordon’s not here, but there’s a video of him right at the door chastising someone for posting a picture of some unpalatable dish online. Further inside the restaurant, there is Gordon Ramsey and Hell’s Kitchen merchandise—cookbooks, mugs, T-shirts, etc.—and then there’s the restaurant consisting of a large bar and a huge dining room.

The chefs all cook in an open kitchen behind a large bar that’s marked red on one side and blue on the other. I don’t watch the cooking show itself, but Sophie tells me that this looks just like the set where the teams compete, and she is absolutely mesmerized. There are several screens around the restaurant displaying active flames. It’s different, but kind of exotic. The sun has gone down and the view out of the window is spectacular. We’re looking at the three lighted fountains in the courtyard and it’s absolutely gorgeous.

Needless to say, my husband has ordered everything on the menu, and with the size of our party—minus Mare, unfortunately—there won’t be a problem with the volume of food. Knowing that Sophie is our little aspiring chef, he wants to make sure she gets to taste everything that the restaurant has to offer and give her critique.

Sophie shies away from the raw seafood dishes and leaves them for the adults—mainly the adult men as Christian and Jason decimated the oysters on a half-shell while Daddy, Al, James, and Chuck all tear into the Hell’s Kitchen grand shellfish tower, shrimp cocktail, and caviar. I manage to snag some of the tuna tartare before they destroyed it.

Sophie is more attuned to the hot appetizers when they arrive and even more enthralled with the entrees. I scold the gentlemen, reminding them that this is Sophie’s experience as they can have it at any time, and they need to stop being barbarians and allow her to taste the food first. True, she didn’t want the raw fish, but of course, she’s going to want the other dishes. Christian raises his brow at me, and I raise my brow right back, while Jason puts his fork down and Daddy, James, and Al all snicker at the other end of the joined tables.

I take each dish and present it to Sophie. She smiles and takes a small serving of each, tasting each one like a seasoned professional food critic. She identifies the various flavors in each dish, mostly by watching the shows on the various food channels and paying attention to each texture as she allows the food to tantalize her tongue. The way that she describes the food, she has a table full of adults hanging on her every word the way that she did at the wedding…

“I didn’t expect for that combination of flavors to work so well together. The scallops aren’t seared too hard—just enough of a crust to compliment the puree and the apples…”

“I didn’t expect to like pumpkin soup, but the texture is so creamy, and the flavor coats your tongue…”

“I have to admit that I expected more from the Wagyu meatballs, but the polenta is delicious…”

Gail watches proudly as the adults wait for Sophie’s critique, then taste each dish, searching for the flavors and textures that she highlighted. Jason beams, showing all 32 of his pearly whites, his chest sticking out like a prized stallion, boasting that his Baby Boo is one day going to be a 5-star chef.

I have no idea why, but I can never say “no” to a Quinoa salad. However, it can be a bit filling, so I only eat a small bit of it and share with anyone at the table who wants some. When it came to the table, I almost didn’t share it. It’s red quinoa mixed with honeycrisp apples, dried apricots, goat cheese, toasted hazelnuts, and a honey vinaigrette dressing. I can honestly say that I’ve never had a quinoa salad this delicious, and Sophie concurs.

We had to order four of Gordon Ramsay’s famous Beef Wellingtons. The adults, again, allow Sophie to taste the signature dish first, and upon reading the food orgasm on her face before she praises the tenderness of the beef filet and the flakiness of the pastry, they tear into the dish leaving nearly clean plates behind in the melee.

The desserts are utterly divine. The salted caramel apple sponge cake and ice cream creation is delicious—smooth and creamy and indulgent. I’m not a fan of the peanut butter cheesecake, but Keri loves it! James and Daddy think it’s the bee’s knees, too. However, Sophie’s favorite—and mine—is the pineapple carpaccio… shaved pineapple, citrus foam, coconut sorbet, coriander, and passion fruit. It’s served in a large, clear-glass bowl with a plate-like rim and the server comes to your table and pours liquid nitrogen into the bowl in the center. If you’ve ever seen liquid nitrogen, it causes this smokiness to rise from the bowl and swirl in between the little pineapple and sorbet mountains and across the table. It makes the dessert not only delicious, but also visually aesthetically pleasing… and fun!

It’s still early when we leave Hell’s Kitchen and begin to head back to the Waldorf, but once we get to the valet at the hotel, Jason pulls me aside from the rest of the group.

“I thought you should know that Carol just left me a message,” he says. Carol… that’s Marilyn’s security detail. “She’s at the fountains at the Bellagio with Marilyn. She decided to take a walk and now she’s just sitting there by the water. She figured you might want to know.”

“She figured correctly,” I say, looking over at Christian. “I’m going to the Bellagio. Marilyn is there at the fountains. I just want to go check on her.” Christian’s brow furrows.

“You don’t think…” He trails off.

“I don’t think,” I say firmly, “but I don’t want her to be alone either.” I look at Chuck. “We’re going for a walk.”

“You’re walking?” Christian says, aghast.

“Yes, Christian, we’re walking,” I tell him. “Trust me, I’ll be more camouflaged in the crowd on the strip than I was with the entourage surrounding me on the courthouse steps.” He shakes his head.

“Chuck, take the car,” he says. Chuck gets into the driver’s seat of the car and waits for me.

“Christian, can you see the mall right there?” I ask, pointing to the Shops at Crystals. “The Bellagio is literally on the other side.”

“That’s great, and this is Vegas. There’s a whole fucking lot of people on the street and a whole lot of shit can happen. There’s the car. Take it or leave it. I mean it, Anastasia!”

I want to be mad, but Christian never really orders me to do anything. I’ll get a chiding, a gentle warning, his Dom voice… or something, but he never outright orders me to do anything. If he’s doing it now, he’s extremely concerned… and he’ll have Metro block the street off in five minutes.

I glare at him for a moment, kiss him on the cheek, and dutifully get in the car.

Chuck has to track Marilyn’s phone for us to find her by the fountain. She’s just standing there by the balustrade staring out at the water. Carol is nearby, but not too close—an attempt to give her some privacy, no doubt. I walk behind her and announce my presence so as not to startle her.

“Hey,” I say softly.

“Hey,” she responds without turning around. “Don’t worry, Bosslady, I’m not going to jump.”

“I didn’t think you would,” I say. She looks over at me.

“You didn’t?” she says with a mirthless smile. I shake my head.

“No,” I say. “I know you’re smarter than that. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” She turns back to the water.

“No,” she says with a heavy sigh, “I’m definitely not okay.” Her voice cracks with sadness and the hint of unshed tears. “I can’t see or feel anything but darkness and sadness and gloom and despair, and while I don’t want to die, I definitely want this to end.” And now she begins to cry.

“I miss him, Ana,” she says, looking out at the water, a steady stream of tears running down her cheeks. “I miss him so much that I can’t even breathe sometimes. It’s the worst at night. I still haven’t learned how to sleep without him. I’m lucky if I get an hour or two of sleep at a time and even when I do, I just dream about him. Then, I wake up alone and cry because he’s not there or because I’ve dreamed about him leaving me again.

“I got one of those weighted blankets to help with sleeping and when I wake up under the blanket, it’s painful—emotionally and physically. I think it’s too heavy for my body, because the part of my body that it’s laying on hurts like I’ve been working out all night… but even more so, it feels like he’s holding me. So, I turn around to hold him back and it’s this damn blanket, so it hurts even more.

“I can’t eat oatmeal,” she continues. “I can’t even see oatmeal. He ate it every day without fail except Sunday. We ate anything else for breakfast on Sunday—eggs benedict was his breakfast of choice on that day, but we ate whatever… but every other day, it was oatmeal. I would put butter and sugar and cinnamon in mine; he would put syrup in his.

“I can’t eat Chinese,” she says, “orange chicken to be exact. My Gary is a creature of habit. Every Wednesday, it was orange chicken…” She pauses. “Is… was… is… I don’t know anymore.

“That’s why it’s hard for me to eat, Ana,” she confesses. “Food makes me sick. Particular foods make me think of him, and then they turn my stomach, and no matter how hard I try to keep them down, I can’t. I want to vomit now just talking about food. You, of all people, should know that the mind is a powerful thing, and right now, mind over matter is working in his favor.” I frown.

“Why would you say this is in his favor?” I ask. “Do you think he would really want to see you this way?” She scoffs weakly.

“Ana, do you even think he cares?” she asks with disdain. “I know he doesn’t wish me dead—he’s not a horrible person, but I’d bet everything I have that he wouldn’t care that I’m going through this. He’d probably wish I’d suffer more for killing his baby.”

That statement makes her weep. She briefly cries into her hands a soulful, mournful sob, and then she stops just as quickly as she started. A few people stop to look at her and her horribly tear-stained face, but she just blankly stares in front of her and they eventually just move on.

“I wake up every morning filled with dread,” she says. “I don’t know what’s going to happen. I just putter along during the day—second by second. I don’t see any relief. Yoga and meditation fill some of the many seconds of the day, and then somewhat help me get to the next second, but I can’t see beyond the next second.

“I can’t see my future. I don’t know where I’m going. Everything I saw had him in it. Even though I didn’t see kids immediately, I still saw him. I’ve never loved anybody in my life the way that I love him. I know women—and men—have often said that they’ll never love again, but I can truly say that I can’t see ever loving anybody else in my life the way that I love him. I can’t fathom how I’ll ever love anybody ever again. And I can truly say that had I known I would end up like this, I would have kept the baby.” I look over at her.

“That is so unhealthy, Mare,” I tell her. “Whatever you do, never have a child just to save your relationship. It’ll never work…”

“Tell it to my heart, Ana,” she says, turning her gaze to me, “I can’t hear you.” She turns back to the water. “Having a baby and loving and caring for Gary’s child would be worlds better than what I’m feeling right now, even if I had to care for it alone. I would have a purpose, a reason for living, for waking up every morning. Hindsight is 20/20 and I would have loved that baby with my whole soul had I known that this was the abyss I would be plunged into by giving it up.

“I know what I look like, I’m not blind or stupid—and I know what people think, but I don’t care. If they can’t help me get to the next second, I don’t care what they think. It doesn’t even bother me; it doesn’t hurt. Nothing hurts more than what I’m feeling right now.”

I want to say something so badly to make her feel better, to tell her that this pain won’t last forever, to convince her not to regret her decision because it cost her relationship, but I know that I can’t. I know that losing Edward made me want to curl up in a ball and die many nights; had me shying away from men and relationships for a long time; had me sobbing in the parking lot of my condo years after we were history because the rest of my friends had significant others and I didn’t—I was too afraid to step out and give someone else a chance because losing Edward hurt too much.

I link my arm in hers in a show of solidarity, just so that she knows that she’s not alone. We stand there for several minutes, leaning against the balustrade and saying nothing. After a while, we hear music, and the water comes alive. I had forgotten about the water shows at the Bellagio fountains. It’s some medley of some upbeat rock or pop song, and we watch the water and lights respond to the music and the beat, Marilyn silently wishing for “her Gary,” and me silently wishing I could somehow stop her pain.


I’m back at the hospital on Monday morning, being subjected to the cold, but professional demeanors of the nurses. My aloofness towards my possibly dying mother is now known among all of the nursing staff and they treat me with enough professionalism to grant all of my requests and make sure that my mother’s needs are tended to, but they don’t show me any warmth or concern that you would normally show to the family member of a patient.

I put on my armor and try not to let it bother me, but it does. It does bother me. I could do what she did and just not show up, just not come at all. I could hire someone to come in here and make sure that she’s okay, not even come back in here until the thirtieth day of her fucking directive to pull the plug, or just wait until she kicks the damn bucket to claim the body.

But no, I come in here nearly every day, asking about her condition and if there’s been any change, having the dying flowers cleared from her room and making sure that the fresh ones stay, even talking to some of her visitors and hearing from them about how much she loves me and how she regrets what she did to me as a teenager and what a wonderful person she is now.

Today, when I get here, she’s in a cozy tartan nightgown. Someone has washed and combed her hair and she actually looks a bit more content. I know the staff is waiting for me to storm out of the room, demanding to know who changed my mother’s clothes, but I’m not. Someone—maybe Wendy—brought her something that they felt she would be more comfortable in. I can’t deny her that.

I sit silently next to her bed and text Laura about how I’m feeling; about how unfair I think it is that she’s being looked upon as the poor little victim and I’m basically being pegged as the bad guy because I’m not all broken up about her condition. Laura gives it to me straight.

She tells me that as long as I’m on my mother’s turf, that’s how it’s going to be, and I just have to deal with it. She’s made a life for herself where she is and those who know her love her because of what they know about her. Those who don’t know can only go by what they see, and what they see is a stand-offish daughter who only does what’s necessary to keep her mother alive.

“They don’t care about your story,” she tells me in a chat. “Your details are not what’s important to them—hers are. Her well-being and waking up, her friends and those who love her, that’s what’s important. You need to get her squared away, whatever that means—physical therapy, the best home care, burying her, whatever it is—and then you need to go home! You’re not going to find any peace until you get out of that place. Some of our monsters, we don’t need to face. We just need to leave them buried. Get the sentencing, get your mom squared away, and get the hell out of Vegas. That’s it and that’s all.”

She’s right and I know she is. It’s just that getting to that point is hell. Most people here treat me like vermin, and I have to stay here until I get everything squared away. How do deal with that? How does anybody deal with that?

I’ve taken a little time to look at Sophie’s Facebook page. It’s highly monitored, so she’s very careful about what she posts, but she did post the meals that we ate at Hell’s Kitchen and that she’s having fun in Vegas. I know for certain that the Adventure Dome is Saturday, but Jason and Gail took her to the Shark’s Reef at the Mandalay Bay today and lunch at Border’s Grill. Her friends have commented on and liked her photos of the Beef Wellington and pineapple carpaccio, and I smile remembering how much we enjoyed the dessert.

I’ve lost track of time quietly surfing through Facebook videos and feeds and I hear someone enter the room.

“Oh! I’m sorry,” Wendy says. “I didn’t know you were visiting. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

I look at my watch. It’s much later than I intended to stay. I might as well let someone keep watch that wants to be here.

“No,” I say, rising from the seat.  “I really need to get going. I need to check on my children.” She raises a brow but says nothing.

“I hope you don’t mind,” Wendy says, removing some things from her bag and placing them around my mother’s room. “I brought some of her things from her home. I’m hoping the familiar might help to bring her out of this. I… was the one who brought her the gown.”

“I thought it might have been you,” I reply. “I’m sure that if she could speak right now, she would say ‘thank you.’ Those hospital gowns are awful.” I speak from experience.

“I’m sure she would,” Wendy replies, her voice cracking. She turns away from me and goes to the restroom. I think she’s going to compose herself, but she returns quickly with a small cup of water. She pours the water into a diffuser and adds a little oil to it—eucalyptus, I think. It’s not overbearing, so I think it should be fine. She looks adoringly, but sadly, at her best friend.

“I’m going to go and let you visit,” I tell her. “Thank you again for the gown.” She smiles softly at me.

“It was my pleasure,” Wendy says and turns back to my mother. “Hey there, old girl,” she says, taking the seat that I vacated next to my mother. “Shall we continue book three of Gideon Cross?” She pulls a book out of her purse and begins to read to my mother. I quietly leave the room and close the door behind me.

There’s no way to get to the elevators without passing the nurses’ station. I nod at Chuck, don my Jackie O’s, and walk past the judgmental cows at the station without looking left or right, headed for the elevator.


I spend the rest of the evening with my young friend Sophie and my babies. Christian is happily left to tend to all matters GEH while I tend to my mother, then he later joins us in the Romper Room/Disney suite where I completely escape from reality and play childish games and watch cartoons and Disney movies and eat finger foods with my babies… until I have to get up in the morning and adult again.

But not today.

It’s Tuesday, and the boys are on baby duty while Gail, Keri, and I take Sophie on the food tour. I couldn’t convince Marilyn to go, so she’s staying behind to help the guys with the twins. I beg Al to try to get in touch with Gary again. Marilyn has her good days and her bad days, and I can only imagine what Gary’s going through.

We decide to do a small group tour with just the four of us since the tour is mainly for Sophie and we want her to be the center of attention and not have to worry about what others are thinking about her as she proceeds through the various restaurants and sites.

We start at Mercato Della Pescheria, an Italian restaurant located in the Grand Canal Shoppes in the Venetian and Palazzo hotels in a portion of the combined locations called St. Mark’s Square. The tour includes a chef’s choice tasting of House-made Italian specialties. It’s set up like an outdoor Italian restaurant with the wrought iron tables and red and white tablecloths, and the ceiling of the Grand Canal Shoppes is painted to look like the sky while the hallways look like the streets of Italy complete with building-façade storefronts.

“This is good practice,” I say. “We’ll be going to Italy this summer for a few weeks.”

“You will?” Sophie asks. “You guys go a lot of places.” I nod.

“Christian bought me a house there,” I tell her. “I have to decorate it before we get there. Maybe you can help me.” Her brows rise.

“Really?” she asks, her excitement palpable. “I have no idea what to choose.”

“Really,” I reply with a laugh. “We’ll be learning together, because I have no idea what to choose, either.”

“I’d like to go to Italy one day,” she says. “I want to learn to make authentic Italian cuisine.”

“Well, I don’t know what the plan is for the summer, but maybe with your Dad and Gail’s permission, we may be able to work something out.” Her eyes widen further, but then drop.

“Now, you’re teasing,” she says.

“No, I’m not,” I reply. “You know I can’t make any promises because there’s a lot involved in being able to travel overseas, but it’s not impossible and I can at least see if it’s something that we can do. So, keep realistic expectations and since we can’t do spring break, we’ll see what we can do for summer vacation. Deal?” She makes the pondering face and nods.

“Sounds reasonable,” she says. “The idea that you’d like for me to go is really cool… even if it doesn’t get to happen.”

I keep forgetting that Sophie is so young sometimes with the things that come out of her mouth. She’s had quite the life to just barely be a teenager—she’s seen way too much in her young little life.

Let’s not forget the things you saw in your young little life.
This is nothing like that and we’re not going to compare them. So, if you don’t have anything constructive to say, shut the hell up!

The last person I need to hear from right now in this place in my fragile state of mind is the Bitch. She can only do more harm than good at this point.

Our tasting at Mercato Della Pescheria includes a Burrata board with aged balsamic, grilled bread and marinated vegetables, along with gnocchi pomodoro with fresh mozzarella and cacio e pepe alla ruota. I usually have a very scrutinizing tongue, but Sophie had me beat this time. All I tasted was spaghetti with Parmesan cheese, but not our little aspiring chef.

Let’s start with the fact that she had to explain to us how it was going to be served. They roll this huge wheel of cheese over to you on a cart where they’ve cut a bowl into the center of it. Then they place the hot pasta right from the pan into the “bowl.” They scrape the cheese from the inside of the bowl and mix it into the pasta, which Sophie informs me has already been tossed with olive oil and fresh cracked pepper. When they plate it for us, Sophie has a bit more pepper ground over her serving.

She tastes the pasta with every bit of the attitude of a food critic. She takes a small serving of the dish and puts it in her mouth. She chews purposefully, like she’s weighing the textures and flavors in her mouth. You can see her rolling the mixture around on her tongue and everyone at the table—including the server—is silent.

“Is the Bucatini domestic or imported?” she asks the server. He’s rightfully a bit taken aback.

“Imported, miss,” he says. “How did you know?”

“I didn’t,” she says. “I just want to be able to tell the difference.” Gail and I look at each other, obviously impressed. Our guide, Justine, not so much. She actually looks like she’s tasting something bad.

“Do you know the cheese, miss?” the server asks.

“Hmm,” she says, taking another forkful. “It’s either Parmesan or pecorino. I’ve never tasted pecorino before, but I know it’s close to Parmesan and this is close to Parmesan, not quite Parmesan.” He smiles.

“Very good, miss,” he says, almost proudly. “It’s pecorino.” Sophie smiles and claps her fingers together quickly, also proud that she identified the cheese. I had already said Parmesan.

“What’s Bucatini?” I ask anyone who’s listening. Sophie begins to answer.


“It’s a heavy pasta like thick spaghetti, but it has a hole in the center,” Justine interrupts. I assume that she didn’t hear Sophie begin to explain the pasta to us. Sophie doesn’t pay her any attention. She just shrugs and finishes her pasta. I nod at Justine and wait for her to get distracted.

“What does she mean by ‘holes?’” I lean over and ask Sophie. “It just looks like spaghetti. I don’t see any ‘holes.’”

“Regular spaghetti is a solid noodle,” Sophie says conspiratorially, “Bucatini’s a long tube. Think ziti noodle, but long and skinny.” I open my mouth in realization, then look closer at the noodle and see exactly what she’s talking about.

“I don’t know why I was expecting to see holes straight down the noodle.” I shake my head at my ignorance and take a forkful of the pasta. Sophie giggles and continues with her tasting.

Our next stop is Royce Chocolates for truffles. As it turns out, Sophie’s no stranger to Royce’s Chocolates even though Justine tries to make it appear that these are the most exclusive chocolates in the world. The store looks a bit like a confectioner’s booth that just popped up and snagged the last little corner spot in the Canal Shoppes. No offense to Royce’s; the truffles are divine, but our tour guide is just droning on and on and on about the chocolates, and while the adults in the group are trying not to take the wind out of the poor girl’s sails, Sophie’s young truth filter is in full effect.

“They’re delicious,” she says, enjoying a chocolate and creamed caramel truffle, “I just expected them to be different, I guess.”

“Different than what?” Justine inquires.

“Than the ones at the store in Seattle,” she says. “It’s the same manufacturer, so I guess they would be the same.”

“There’s a store in Seattle?” Justine asks, and Sophie’s brow furrows.

“Bellevue,” the clerk says, nodding as we turn to look at her. Feeling a bit sheepish about her lack of knowledge, our tour guide quickly gestures us out of the chocolatier. I don’t mind that she likes her job; I just think she needs to be a bit more informed about the stops on the tour, or at the very least, curb her enthusiasm a bit.

We wander through St. Mark’s Square a little more, and we stop to watch as another server in another area makes a tiramisu tableside. Sophie watches in awe as the espresso-soaked ladyfingers are layered into the pan. I don’t know if the people at the table can actually eat the confection when it’s complete as the cream portion usually needs to chill overnight.

“She can’t have any of that on this tour,” Justine says haughtily. “The espresso mixture contains alcohol.” I just glare at her.

“And if the mascarpone cream mixture is done correctly, it has rum in it,” Sophie interjects like it’s obvious. “I know that!”

Sophie is clearly becoming irritated with Justine’s behavior, but she’s refined enough not to respond in kind. Although upon leaving the impromptu tiramisu presentation, she did ask, “What’s wrong with that lady?”

Our next stop is Cañonita, a location that prides itself on Mexico City soul food. Sophie is a bit reserved as the tour continues and I don’t like that. The foodie tour is for her enjoyment and I’m rather enjoying the benefit of her knowledge of the different ingredients even though I was well aware of the inclusion of Grand Marnier in the espresso mixture and rum in the mascarpone cream.

“Sophie, are you okay?” Gail asks, noticing her reservation.

“Am I allowed to say anything?” she asks matter-of-factly. I frown.

“Of course, you are,” I reply. “You can say whatever you like.” She rolls her eyes and sighs.

“Well, I was born on Cinco de Mayo,” she begins, “so every year that I can remember since I’ve been alive, I’ve had a Mexican meal on my birthday. Since we’re on this tour, I was wondering are we just going to eat the standard Mexican foods, or can I taste something different?”

“You can have what you like,” Gail says. “If you want something different, we’ll pay for it.” Sophie twists her lips.

“I’d really like to try the Pátzcuaro Duck Relleno,” she says. “I’ve never had it and I think it would be good.”

“We don’t have time for that,” Justine interjects.

“Wee’ll. Mek. Tyme!” Keri says slowly and deliberately, waiting for Justine to respond. I think her irritation is rubbing off on Keri. When Justine says nothing, Keri turns to Sophie.

“Come, Miss Sopheh,” she says, putting her arm around Sophie’s shoulder, “tell uhs aboht de duck.”

The corners of Sophie’s mouth rise in a small smile and she begins to tell us about Pátzcuaro Duck Relleno while it’s being prepared in the back. Justine sits at a separate table close by with her arms folded and her legs crossed. I have no idea what her problem is.

“The menu says that the Pátzcuaro Duck Relleno begins with duck confit, which is a French dish,” Sophie continues. “So, I wanted to see how a French dish could become a Mexican dish. I know the manchamantel sauce is clearly Mexican. I think the combined flavors would be very interesting.”

Sophie always amazes me talking about food, because the 13-year-old girl disappears, and we have this connoisseur in front of us.

“Hah do yah knoh so much abot fuud, Sopheh?” Keri asks. Sophie shrugs.

“I just really like learning about food,” she says, “where different dishes come from, what they mean, what spices they use, how it’s supposed to taste. I’m going to be a chef one day. I don’t know what my specialty will be, but I want to know about foods from all over the world.”

“Well, you’re off to a very good start,” I tell her. “Did she tell you that Ms. Solomon showed her how to make that delightful ham and pineapple sandwich and she got it right on the first try?” Gail turns to Sophie in honest surprise.

“No, she didn’t!” Gail says, with pride. “You should have told me. I’m proud of you.”

“It’s just a sandwich,” Justine says under her breath. No one else heard her, but I did. I’m trying not to feed into it. It’s beyond me why she feels threatened by this 13-year-old girl.

“Okay, what’s next?” I ask once we finished the delightful duck dish while Justine deliberately and slowly ate the crab cakes, enchiladas, and ceviche that was intended for the tour. She took more time to eat her food than we took to eat ours, but she said that we didn’t have time for the duck. Then she haughtily tells us…

“Well, we’ve only got an hour left and there are four more stops on the food tour, so we won’t make them all.” I try not to let loose on this woman, because I’m always letting loose on someone, and it could just be me being sensitive. Instead, I just ask, “What are the four remaining stops?”

“Well, first, there’s the Honolulu Cookie Company, where they have the exotic Hawaiian goodie bag that most likely has the best shortbread cookies you’ve ever tasted in your life. Then, there’s the William Carr Photo Gallery—he’s a well-known artist acclaimed for his ability to capture the beauty and perfection of creation…”

She sounds like she’s reading from a pamphlet. I look over at Sophie.

“I had truffles,” she says. “I don’t really have a taste for cookies.”

“These aren’t just any cookies,” Justine retorts. “These are Hawaiian shortbread…”

“No, thank you,” Sophie says calmly. “You said there’s an art gallery. Are there pictures of food or something?” Justine’s brow furrows.

“Why would you ask that?” she says.

“I’m just wondering what an art gallery has to do with a foodie tour,” Sophie replies. “I can understand if it was a museum tour, but…” Sophie shrugs.

“I was thinking that myself,” I say, my voice low.

“Well, generally, the more mature patrons appreciate the art, but if you don’t want to go…” Her tone is condescending.

“Well, you clearly said that we don’t have time for the other four stops, so what are the last two?” I shoot, trying not to bite this bitch’s head off. Noting my irritation, she quickly tells us that the last two stops are a bookstore and a Peruvian restaurant called Once, pronounced On-seh. We opt to skip to Once and see what Peru has to offer.

I’m so frustrated when we get to Once that I ask for a table for five. Justine proceeds to tell the host that we’re with the foodie tour. I quickly correct her.

She’s the foodie tour,” I tell the host. “We want a table for five.” I gesture at Gail, Sophie, Keri, Chuck, and myself. When the host nods, I turn to Justine. “You said we have an hour—we’re going to order.”

Justine’s eyes narrow at me, but I don’t watch her long enough to formulate a response. When we are seated, I ask Sophie which appetizers she thinks we should try and if she’s familiar with the cuisine.

“Some of it,” she says. “Ceviche is universal, but if you are going to get it, I would get it here since the dish is originally Peruvian. I think the braised fennel would be good, and I’d definitely like to try the Chicharron Karaage and the scallop and shrimp dumplings.” I nod.

“I’m going to eat whatever she’s eating,” Gail laughs, and I concur. Keri orders the oxtail Bibimbap and Chuck orders the prime New York Steak Anticucho. Justine is seething that no one is talking to her or paying any attention to her as we enjoy the last meal on the tour—not a tasting, a meal. She keeps looking at her watch and sighing impatiently.

When we finish our meal, I charge it separately to my Amex and we leave the restaurant. Justine is trying to wrap up the tour. I don’t know what she’s expecting—it was a bad experience for me. Sophie seems unmoved. She finally announces that the tour is at its end and turns to Sophie.

“How old are you, may I ask?” Justine asks Sophie.

“Thirteen,” she replies. “I’ll be 14 in June.”

“Mm,” Justine remarks unimpressed before turning to me. “You may want to introduce the concept of humility into her life a little more,” Justine says, then turns to walk away. I gasp, at a complete loss for words. Sophie is looking aghast, and Gail is furious.

“You hold it right there!” Gail announces in a voice that makes us all freeze. “How old are you?” Justine folds her arms again.

“I’m 26,” she says, matter-of-factly.

“Well, you have a lot of growing up to do!” Gail retorts. “That young lady is the picture of decorum. She was never rude to you once and you’re just upset that she knows more about your tour than you do! I saw your face when she told us about the tableside service at Mercato, and it’s not her fault that she knows that Royce has several locations and you didn’t.

“You announced that she couldn’t have the tiramisu when all she was doing was watching. I thought you were going to have a stroke over the duck. Then you tell us that we don’t have enough time to finish the tour, but you have a coronary when we ask to skip to the end! Is this your first day? Because you’re utterly terrible at this!”

Justine gasps, but doesn’t have a comeback for Gail’s chastisement.

“You remember that name, young lady—Sophia Taylor—because if you stay in the food industry at all and even if you don’t, I guarantee you’ll hear it again. Now, you get your act together or I’ll have your neck and your job, and that’s a guarantee!” Gail shoots.

Justine’s hand shoots to her chest in that clutches pearls way. She’s shocked that after no one really checked her on her attitude, she thought that she could take liberties with us and Gail let her have it.

“I… I’m sorry!” Justine says, aghast.

“Don’t apologize to me!” Gail says. “Apologize to her! You nearly ruined her day!” Justine turns to Sophie, but Sophie turns to Gail.

“She didn’t ruin my day, Momma Gail,” Sophie says succinctly. “The guy at Mercato was nice to me; I got to eat French duck made Mexican, and really good chicken, scallops, and shrimp. And we still have Sur La Table tomorrow. I’m fine, she doesn’t have to apologize. Can we please go now?”

Chuck stands a few feet away like he has all day, smiling widely as Sophie delivers her speech.

“Are you sure, Pumpkin?” Gail says. “She owes you an apology.”

“I’m sure, Momma Gail,” she says. “Let’s just go and find some gelato. I’d like that.” Gail smiles.

“I’d like that, too,” she says, turning to Justine. “You could learn a thing or two from that little girl, but I’m sure that you won’t.” She turns back to Sophie. “I love gelato,” she says. “Let’s go find some.”

I didn’t have to lift a finger.

I fall in step with Gail and Sophie. We walk all the way back to the other end of the Grand Canal Shoppes to a gelato stand called Cocolino. We each order our flavor, then take a seat and enjoy our treat. While we’re eating the gelato, I must ask the question that’s burning in my head.

“Sophie,” I ask, “she did owe you an apology. It’s not okay for anybody to treat someone that way, especially when she was being paid. Why didn’t you want her apology?”

“Because she didn’t want to apologize,” she says, matter-of-factly. “Do you remember when Marlow snitched on me at Christmas?” I glance over at Gail quickly. She raises her gaze to me, but turns back to her ice cream.

“Yes,” I say.

“If I had apologized to them, it would have been because they made me do it, not because I wanted to or because I was sorry, because I wasn’t… and that’s why I didn’t do it. This was kinda the same thing. She wasn’t sorry, and to be honest, what she was doing didn’t hurt me. She just looked kinda dumb. And Momma Gail was right. She was just mad ‘cuz I knew more than she did. They don’t pay me to know this stuff; I just like food channels. That makes her look real bad.”

I just had a 13-year-old girl explain a very adult philosophy in the most simplified terms I’ve ever seen.

If your apology is not sincere, I don’t want it—that’s one of my biggest mantras.
If my apology is not sincere, I’m not going to give it—see the first mantra.
I’m not going to let the fact that you don’t know what you’re saying or doing ruin my good time—in other words, “Sucks to be you… I’m bigger than this.”

I can’t remember the last time I was prouder to be Aunt Ana.


“Dude, she left that woman’s face cracked and on the ground.”

Chuck is telling us about the ladies’ day out on the foodie tour. I was sure that it would be something harmless and fun, but it appears that the tour guide had a bug up her butt.

“Are you telling me that the person in charge of the tour got into it with Sophie?” I ask.

“No, Prince Gallant with your flaming sword, that’s not what I’m saying,” Chuck says. “Sophie knows a lot about food, more than I even think we know she knows…”

“That’s because Food Network and the Cooking Channel were her companions while her mother was binging,” Jason says. “She still watches them now. If we stocked her kitchen, she could make her own meals.”

“That might be a good idea, so that she can get some practice… but I digress,” Chuck says, getting himself back on track. “She knew what kind of cheese they were putting in the pasta. She knew the origin of a Mexican dish that really came from France. She knows the alcoholic content of tiramisu. She could have done a better job as a tour guide than the tour guide. Little Miss Raven Hair didn’t like that very much.”

“Did she insult my daughter?” Jason asks. Chuck twists his lips. “What did she say?” Chuck clears his throat.

“At first, she was just making little cracks about the food,” Chuck says, “talking over Sophie when she was trying to talk. In the end, the tour ended at Once, and the women all ignored her completely. That pissed her off. I think she thought Ana was Sophie’s mother, so she tells Ana that she needs to teach Sophie some humility. I could see the hairs rise on Gail’s neck from across the room.”

Jason immediately scoffs a laugh. I can imagine that he’s seen the hairs rise on Gail’s neck from across the room, too.

“Have you seen the Karate Kid?” he asks, doing the pose that Daniel does before his finishing move.


“I have,” Jason says, still laughing.

“The minute her mouth opened, I could see Gail doing it in my mind’s eye. I thought that would be the end for that girl, but the finishing move came from Sophie. Gail demanded that the lady apologize to Sophie, but Sophie told Gail that she didn’t want the lady’s apology, that the lady didn’t ruin her day, and asked to go get gelato. Imagine having a 13-year-old girl tell you that your apology is beneath her.”

I hiss at the implication. That had to be painful. I’m convinced that Sophia Taylor is not of this world. Second only to my wife, she’s one of the most rounded people I’ve met for what her mother has put her through.

“Classic,” Jason says, “fucking classic. When you guys go to Sur La Table tomorrow, make sure she gets everything she wants.” Chuck laughs.

“Make sure you tell her that,” he says.

“No matter where we go, there’s always one,” I hear Butterfly say as she enters the Romper Room suite.

“Hello, dear,” I call out to her. She stops in her tracks and examines me for a moment.

“He already told you,” she says, coming further into the room.

“He did,” I say. She shakes her head.

“Well, for once I wasn’t the object of ire… but a child? Seriously?” she says, taking a seat among all the playthings.

“There’s just no accounting for taste, I guess,” I comment.

“Indeed!” Gail says, nearly storming into the suite. “The nerve of that child! Twenty-six indeed! She behaved like a toddler. Teach her some humility… teach yourself, you wretched little heathen! How dare she insult my stepdaughter that way! She doesn’t even know her. She’s guiding the tour and didn’t even know there was a Royce Chocolates in Seattle! She’s guiding the tour! Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous?”

“We heard,” I reply. Why did I do that? Right at that moment, Sophie enters the room with an expression I can’t quite read.

“You okay, Baby Boo?” Jason asks.

“Mm-hmm,” she says in a manner that indicates that she’s not saying another word.

“I’m calling her boss!” Gail continues to rant. “We paid for that tour! We paid for Sophie to be treated that way. A grown woman—angry with a child on her tour. The very nerve! I’m going to go and call that place right now!” and out of the room she goes, off to make some tour guide’s life a little more difficult. Keri looks cautiously around the room before speaking.

“Wheh ah da tweens?” she says.

“They’re napping,” I reply. “They should probably wake soon.”

“Ah’ll goh chek on dem.” She kisses Chuck on the cheek and heads off towards the bedroom. We all look at Sophie, who purses her lips, then finally speaks.

“Momma Gail is mad!” she says, her eyes a little large and her face full of ill-suppressed mirth. “I thought she was going to rip that lady’s throat out!”

“What did she say?” Jason inquires.

“She didn’t say anything bad, it’s just how she said it,” Sophie says. “It was like… she wasn’t Momma Gail—she was somebody else.”

“Daniel-san,” Chuck says under his breath, and Butterfly looks at him bemused.

“She told the lady that she was terrible at her job and not to forget my name because she was going to hear it again someday. We were in the middle of the mall! People were staring at her; the lady was really embarrassed… it was awesome!”

Normally, I would advise a youngster that it’s not necessarily a good thing to take joy in someone else’s calamity, but I think the young lady had this one coming.

“Here’s the best part,” Butterfly says, turning to Sophie. “Why didn’t you want her to apologize to you?”

“Because she didn’t mean it,” Sophie replies. “She wasn’t sorry for what she said to me. She was sorry because Momma Gail got in her butt about it. If we had just huffed and puffed and left, she would have been fine. She reminds me of my mom… mad because Daddy did something for me or gave me something.” She scoffs in that irritated teenage way, rolls her eyes, and waves the situation off. “I just wanted to go have ice cream.”

Jason is quiet for a moment, but Butterfly correctly thinks to fill the dead air.

“Well, they had better not behave that way at Sur La Table tomorrow or that franchise is going to be Sophie La Table by the time we leave,” she says. Sophie giggles.

“That reminds me,” Jason says. “You have your own kitchen, and I think you’re old enough and responsible enough to start practicing your own dishes. So, when you go to Sur La Table tomorrow, you can get anything you want to outfit your kitchen.” Sophie’s eyes widen.

“Really?” she says in a high whisper. “Dad, are you serious?”

“I’m completely serious,” he says. “You can have whatever you want, and if it needs to be shipped, just have them ship it… and we’ll get a couple of extra fire extinguishers, too.”

“Daa-aa-aad,” Sophie whines, “I used to cook when I lived with Mom, just not gourmet stuff.” Jason’s face hardens.

“You did?” he asks. Sophie shrugs.

“Yeah,” she says. “If I didn’t, I’d starve… or I’d have to eat Pop-Tarts for life.”

“How long have you been cooking?” Jason asks. Sophie ponders her answers as Gail and Keri re-enter the room with the twins.

“About…” she ponders a moment more, “three or four years.”

That would fucking make her nine years old.

“What do you know how to cook, Sophie?” Butterfly asks, trying to get information and diffuse the situation at the same time.

“A lot of stuff,” she says. “I haven’t cooked all the stuff, but watching the TV shows and things on YouTube, I can probably follow any recipe you give me.”

“What have you already cooked?” Butterfly probes.

“I can cook breakfast,” she says. “I can make hamburgers and fried chicken. I tried to bake a chicken once, but it came out kinda dry. Then I learned I needed to take the innards out and turn the temperature down… and baste, so…” She ponders a little more. “I can do lots of Asian food—stir fry, pepper steak, shrimp fried rice… I know how to make sweet and sour sauce, too.”

“What’s the first thing you remember cooking by yourself?” Jason asks.

“Oh, that’s easy. Grilled cheese… I burned my hand,” she replies matter-of-factly.

“You burned your hand?” Butterfly interjects. “Badly?”

“Real bad,” she says. “I still got the scar. See?” She turns her hand over and shows us a straight scar from the bottom of her palm across the top of her wrist. It almost looks like the scar tissue from a knife slash. Jason frowns deeply.

“Shalane told me you fell off your bike and cut yourself on a piece of glass,” Jason counters. Sophie shakes her head.

“Nope. Grilled cheese,” she says, looking at her hand again and shrugging like it’s no big deal. I can see the steam rising from Jason’s head. “Don’t worry, Dad, I know how to make a great sandwich now. Ms. Solomon taught me.” Jason smiles tightly.

“She did?” he asks, trying to control his voice.

“Yeah, it’s ham and cheese and pineapple and it’s really good,” she boasts.

“Will you make one for me when we get home?” he asks. Sophie beams.

“Sure, Dad,” she says, proudly. “I’ll make you anything you want.”

“Pumpkin?” Gail says. “Will you please take Mikey for me and help Keri get them ready for snack time? I want to talk to your dad for a minute.”

“Sure, Momma Gail. C’mon Mikey, let’s go get treats.” Gail puts Mikey on the floor and he immediately takes Sophie’s hand and allows her to lead him to parts unknown.

“Jason, are you okay?” Gail asks once Sophie has left the room.

“Anything she wants,” he says to his wife. “I mean it. Anything that will allow her to create anything she wants…” He trails off.

“You’ll get no argument from me,” Gail says. “If anybody’s worth it, she is. And I really think we’ll be cultivating her dream, so why not get her started as soon as possible with the best utensils money can buy?”

“I don’t mean to get giddy over what is apparently a serious and very solemn moment, but this is going to be so much fun!!!” Butterfly declares gleefully while shaking her fists, adding the needed levity to the situation and causing Gail and Jason to snicker.

And just like that, crisis averted.


“Does Sophie have a passport?” Butterfly asks as we’re getting ready for bed.

“I don’t know,” I reply, nonplussed. “I don’t think there was ever a reason for her to have one before now, but I would have to ask Jason. Why do you ask?”

“I think it would be great if our trip to Italy was a family vacation,” she suggests, climbing into bed. “Not the entire trip, but maybe the last leg or so of it. I’d like for my babies to be there for a bit, and that would mean Keri and Gail, which would also mean Sophie. What do you think?” He shrugs.

“I don’t see why not,” he says. “It would definitely be a really good experience for her, and I’m certain that having the twins there for part of the trip would help you to relax. I’ll talk to Jason and see how he feels. This wouldn’t have anything to do with the whole Bad Taste Italian experience, would it?”

“It has everything to do with it,” she says shamelessly. “While we were at one of the restaurants, Sophie mentioned that she would like to go to Italy one day and taste authentic Italian cuisine. I told her that we would be going this summer and said that I would run it past you, Gail, and Jason to see how you all felt about it. I didn’t make any promises, though, because I don’t know if there’s any bureaucracy involved with her being able to leave the country or even if Jason would want that.” I chuckle.

“At this point, Jason would gift her the Leaning Tower of Pisa, and if there’s any bureaucracy involved with her being able to leave the country, he’ll get past that, too,” I say climbing into bed next to her. I turn the light off as she snuggles under the cover. I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her against me, pressing two kisses on her shoulder.

“You’re a really good Aunt Ana,” I say, as she snuggles into me and falls off to sleep.

A/N: Pictures of places, cars, fashion, etc., can be found at

Pictures from the trip to Las Vegas can be found at

The new question and answer thread is always open for questions about the story. Be sure to read it and please adhere to the rules when asking questions. You can find it on the left, second from last on the menu or you can click HERE.

There has been yet another development where if you feel the need to talk to fellow readers about personal issues, you need a sounding board, or you want to vent about something in your life, please feel free to visit the link on the left in the menu entitled “Do You Need To Talk.” No subject is taboo. I just ask that you approach the link with respect for those who have concerns as well as those who respond. You can also get to the link by clicking HERE

You can join my mailing list on the “Contact Me” page. Just click the link and it will lead you to a form to join the list.

~~love and handcuffs


44 thoughts on “Grey Continued: Season 5 Episode 19

  1. asunder73 says:

    Takes a fucked up low-down dirty asshole to make war on a child… That’s all I have to say about that.

    • falalalynx says:

      I’m right with you on this asunder73. I want to know what Gail went and did. grin I hope it was epic. xoxoxo Peace, Falala

  2. falalalynx says:

    My Goddess,

    I can’t decide if I’m full of food talk or love. sigh All I know is I’m full to the brim. I don’t know how people do food tours. How can you enjoy yourself when your’e stuffed?

    Marilyn is making me cry. I don’t know what to do for her. sniffle I want to do ‘something’ to make it better.

    Now Carla on the other hand I know exactly what to do. evil grin But I’m afraid if I say it you my Goddess will make me choke on my words. You will somehow manage to put a spot of goodness in Carla like you did with Courtney. grin Yeah you made us all eat our words on her. But my Carla hate runs deep. grin So I’ll just wait and see.

    Oh I love love love the idea of the family all in Italy. What a plan.

    Momma bear Gail, giggle you sure know how to make me laugh. Poppa bear Jason. sigh Oh lord. Just another reason I love this guy. ANYTHING she wants, giggle like a Ninja Foodie? I kid I kid.

    Thank you Goddess I feel like I just spent the day with the family I wish I was apart of. Well done or should that be medium rare? lol

    Peace, Falala

    • LOL, let me help you out, My Beloved. Food tours are tastings; they’re not whole meals. The only meal they had was Once. So, anything that they had before that, consider it either a tasting or a shared dish. They had a little room left for the meal at the end. 😉

      LOL, Carla… always expect the unexpected, especially since we haven’t been privy to the life all these years.

      Gail is always so mild mannered. I thought it would be interesting to see the Mama Bear side of her come out. 😉

      Medium rare! Definitely medium rare! ❤

      • falalalynx says:

        Medium rare is my favorite too. grin I’m still feeling stuffed. grin It must be the love then.

        OMG! I just had this flash when I read what you wrote about Carla. Do I tell or keep my mouth shut? omg omg omg omg arggg! I hate this type of decision. Well hell I don’t want to ruin your unveiling so I’ll try not let my thoughts on this leak out. sigh But I have been told I have a mind like a sieve so well I can only hope and try. ugh this is brutal.

        Your’e in fine form my Goddess. xoxoxoxoxo

  3. Tina says:

    Your great being on the next one I’m crazy about your story that I keep checking email every day for the links. Thanks again for the great read.

    • falalalynx says:

      Hey Tina, How are you? I think about you all the time. Check out the moon tonight if you get a chance. If it’s warm enough where you are you should go dancing in the moonlight. It lifts me up. xoxoxo Falala

  4. Darcy says:

    Poor Marilyn, I can totally relate. 💔 😢,
    Great chapter, can’t wait for Italy.

  5. naturallyblonde1221 says:

    Great chapter

  6. LisaKabb says:

    I so so love they have become one big family that loves each other hard. Go Momma Gail. Don’t mess with her girl. Poor Jason learning more sad facts about his little girl. She is ok. She is with you now Daddy.

  7. Dee says:

    Just when I finally understood Ray from the last episode posted I’m struggling to understand Marilyn now. I don’t understand how you can love a person as much as she says she loves Gary and not want the life they created together? People are complex I know and this just goes to show it. I don’t know what to feel or even think about her situation.

    It was good to see Gail protecting her child, Ana taking the high road with the nurses, and Jason heartbreak and pride in his daughters life with her neglectful mother.

    Good thought provoking episode. Thank you

  8. darla says:

    Good chapter, way to go Gail

  9. MichelleCheri’ says:

    I can feel the feelings , so many of them, in this chapter. bravo for your writing and the depth of feels that came out.

  10. Barbara says:

    Excellent episode! I love that Gail told off the tour guide from hell-it’s never a good idea to pick on a child! I would really love to know what Gail said to the guide’s boss! I’m glad that Ana & Gail can both share Sophie’s love of food!
    As for poor Marilyn-I’ve thought that many times- if she had kept the baby, all the what if’s. It breaks my heart. I wonder if he is suffering too? I’m praying they find their way back to each other.

  11. CG Girl says:

    Way to go mama Gail. I really like Gail in this story and even in the original story. She is very protective towards the people she loves. It was good to see another mother protect her daughter unlike Carla ever did. I really dont like Carla. Well she has her friend let her go cry on her shoulders. (I’m just saying)
    Thank you for the episode BG its one of my favourite things i look forward to on a Sunday, monday or anytime💝💝

  12. seralynsmom says:

    Whew. My mind is all a flutter. I’ve been having a couple anxiety days so, don’t read too hard into this. Lol.

    Let’s start with the heavy. Mare. Ima be honest. Ana keeps bringing up how she felt about the Edward break up, but Marilyn and Gary are more like what would happen if Ana and Christian ended and I feel like Ana’s being mildly obtuse about it. Look what happened when he ran off to Madrid. How she felt, what she did, how she acted. This isn’t just some relationship that you get over and move on, even if it takes years. Ana and Christian are soulmates in my mind. Twin flames. I know some don’t believe in that but it’s how I’ve always felt about them. Al is also a soul mate but not in the same way. He’s not her twin flame like CG is. And I think that Marilyn and Gary. It’s why it’s been so hard for her. And I think it’s a lot harder on Gary than she or anyone else thinks it is.

    To be honest, I don’t think they’re over. Was this a stumbling block? Hell. Yes. And it’ll take a shit ton of counseling to help them move forward if they try to rebuild their relationship, especially on the abandonment part and the fear that if she were to get pregnant again by accident they might just be in the same boat and there’d be no coming back from it. There’s a huge amount of broken trust there for sure, but I honestly just don’t think they’re as over as they and everyone else thinks they are.

    Hell, look at a woman being cheated on, husband chooses the new flavor, they get divorced, and he builds a new life until he gets buyers remorse and realizes what an idiot he is (if you’ve never seen Jane Austin Book Club, see it. It’s great and there’s this exact scenario in it.). He comes back to the wife who still misses him, they agree to try counseling, they work on their issues, and eventually get back together and the relationship is actually stronger because they survived what is possibly the worst thing to ever happen in their relationship. It has happened, it can be done. And this is coming from a woman who has been stepped on and spit out by at least three boyfriends before meeting her husband.

    Don’t get me wrong. If this was an abusive relationship, if Gary was a complete and utter asshole in any capacity other than the one moment of their relationship where the most devastating thing he’s ever dealt with (because let’s not pretend her choice is hurting her and her alone, I am all for a woman’s right to choose but those choices never just effect her, not ever), I’d say tell him to go fuck himself and move on. But I just…I really don’t feel like they’re as over as they feel.

    “Ana, do you even think he cares?” she asks with disdain. “I know he doesn’t wish me dead—he’s not a horrible person, but I’d bet everything I have that he wouldn’t care that I’m going through this. He’d probably wish I’d suffer more for killing his baby.”

    This also bothered the hell out of me. I get she’s hurting. I get that he said some pretty harsh words to her and that we don’t know what all EXACTLY he said to her about it, but there isn’t anything in the last four books that have ever indicated to me that Gary would ever feel this way about her no matter what she did. I think on some level he would be glad she’s suffering a bit because frankly, that’s human nature. We derive pleasure in things like this because it make US feel better, but I don’t think he would EVER want her to suffer the way she’s suffering, or suffer more. Not ever.

    Sophie. I know how she feels. While my mom didn’t do drugs she was apathetic at best and I had to fend for myself a lot. I was cooking by her age too. And I get Jason wants to be angry, and he feels guilty, but it’s all over and done with. There’s no going back to change things now. Now he has to do what he can to make her life better. There’s no chance Shalayn can get out and get custody back, right? Fuck I hope not. I can’t remember.

    As for Carla and the snooty cunts at the hospital, they can get over it. They can be all happy Carla has changed and shit and be her friend but you don’t get to tell her daughter how she should act and feel when she spent all of her informative years with a woman that used her as a means to hurt her ex who never did a damn thing to her, who bore no sympathy for her when she claimed to be raped, who SOLD her after she was badly beaten and the baby from that rape was beaten out of her body. It’s too little too late and they need to get tf off their high horses and either see that, or at least stop being so cunty. But that won’t happen, because people don’t work that way apparently.

    Ok. Off the heavy.

    Seeing Gail go all angry momma bear was the greatest thing ever!!!!!! Omfg!!!! I was screaming! “Yassssss, Gail, yasssss. Geeeeeeeet heeeeeer!! Drag that bitch!” 😂😂😂 and then she went and pulled a Christian and called that chicks boss. Greatest thing ever!

    • Okay, this one I have to ask. I understand the comparison of Marilyn and Gary to Ana and Christian as opposed to Ana and Edward in hindsight. However, have you forgotten that “Eddie” was her first love?? She loved him very deeply, and you cannot dismiss the indelible pain that she felt for years when she lost him and over the circumstances of their breakup simply because she found a bigger love in Christian.

      I am 51 years old. I have been through two marriages — with my current husband for 19 years, and 10 years with the one before him. I have two biological children and a slew of bonus babies and grandchildren. I have been through MANY relationships and after all these years, I can still go back to 13 years old and feel that pain that caused me to cry FOR YEARS over losing my first love. Well into my adulthood, I would have gladly taken him back, and tried more than once. We are still friends and even now, I still get butterflies when I see him. I don’t want him, and it doesn’t dismiss, degrade, or diminish what I feel for Daddy or the devastation that would become my life if I lost him, but I still get a little flutter when I see him.

      Having said all that, Ana is in Marilyn’s face as often as she can be under the circumstances with everything she has to handle right now. How can you possibly say that she’s obtuse??? I don’t know if that’s the word that you meant to use, but if it was…. HUH? WHAT??

      Ana is constantly running around worried about her, actually monitoring what she’s eating, defending her to ANYONE who draws incorrect conclusions about her, and you’re saying that she’s obtuse? Seriously??

      When you said this — “And I think it’s a lot harder on Gary than she or anyone else thinks it is,” — I’m only assuming you missed these lines in reference to Ana:

      “It’s just that since he responded to you faster than he spoke to anyone else, I thought…” I trail off. “If he’s doing half as badly as Marilyn, I’d be concerned.”

      “I’ll call Philip and see if he can check in on Gary. I’d hate to know that he’s suffering a similar fate.”

      “I beg Al to try to get in touch with Gary again. Marilyn has her good days and her bad days, and I can only imagine what Gary’s going through.”

      And I hope Daddy doesn’t kill me for this next part….

      I’ve seen Jane Austin’s Book Club. I’ve LIVED Jane Austin’s Book Club. My husband moved to another STATE with a younger woman… and look at us now.

      Sadly, when I say that I have personal knowledge or have done extensive research on all the things that I write about, my readers should take that very seriously. Not all of it, but a LOT of what I’m writing is my life story through fanfiction. I write pieces of this storyline well in advance. Right now, the story is in February 2015. I have pieces of storylines written for March, June, August, September, December 2015 and January 2016. For some of them, I’m building around my own experience. For others, I have to make sure my research is correct.

      You have to forgive me for going all “Saigon” on this situation, but you have to remember. These people are alive and well in my head, and when I saw you say that Ana’s being obtuse and may be minimizing Gary’s feelings with everything that she’s going through right now coupled with the previous apparent dismissal of the crippling pain she felt from losing her first love (no matter how much of a monster he turned out to be), it lit tinder under me and I had to clarify.

      • seralynsmom says:

        I didn’t say Ana was minimizing Gary’s feelings. I said everyone, as in the people that aren’t looking at this closely. You know damn good and well I would never go out of my way to offend you or your characters. And at this moment the fact you think I would actually upsets me.

        The obtuse isn’t about how Marilyn feels or that she’s not checking on her or trying to be there, it’s that she keeps focusing on ONLY Edward and that lost love when losing Christian would feel much more devastating than Edward did.

        Also, I never said it wasn’t devastating to lose Edward, that was her first love and he didn’t start out as a complete dickbag, so I know it devastated her to be hurt by him and lose him, but losing Christian?? THAT would make her want to die like Marilyn is saying she wants to right now, that would make her feel as if her world tilted on its axis and came crumbling to its knees and as if she was literally dying slowly day by day…like Marilyn is.

        As for the other parts with the Jane Austin thing and the moving to another state deal, I didn’t know that. And it wasn’t a question directed towards you, just one in general stating why I think it isn’t implausible for Marilyn and Gary to get back together.

        You know I’m the one that usually remains neutral until I feel absolutely that one person is at fault or not. I’m not saying Ana is obtuse, and yes I meant that word, because she isn’t seeing Marilyn’s pain. I’m saying she’s being obtuse for consistently comparing it to what she felt for Eddie and not what she felt when Christian ran off to Madrid. She can compare it to her pain for Edward, because that hurt and he was her first love, but Christian leaving hurt just as much if not more. And there was also the whole, Ana running to Montana and Christian doing what Mare did and not eating and not sleeping to the point he put himself in the hospital. And sure, we could argue that she is his first love, because she is, but he isn’t hers. I just feel that she also needs to consider how she would and did feel if Christian was out of her life as well as the whole Edward David situation.

        Especially since your scenario and hers are totally different in the ending. She hated David because he was complete cocksmoke. You’re still friends with your guy. Clearly he isn’t a bad person, or you wouldn’t be.

        And like I said. As far as the Gary things goes. Ana seems to be the only friend concerned over Gary with the exception of Al (I’m not counting Christian since he isn’t really Gary’a friend, though he has expressed concern about Gary possibly looking like Mare does). No one else has really asked about him. Even now knowing why Marilyn looks the way she does, the only people that seem any type of concerned are Ana and Al. And I get Ana is around Mare more, so she sees more, but she does say she can only imagine what Gary is going through, and that, as you said, “if he’s doing HALF as badly as Marilyn, I’d be concerned”. She doesn’t know how bad he is or isn’t. She only says “if he’s doing HALF”. So yes, I think he’s doing worse than she thinks he might be. I think he’s as bad, or even possibly worse, than Marilyn. Because he said some pretty harsh things to the woman he’s utterly in love with on top of losing the idea of the family he hoped to have with her. And that isn’t a small thing. Just like it’s pretty huge that Marilyn had to make that hard af decision on top of knowing it could potentially be the end of her relationship with the man SHE is utterly in love with. They both had a hard reality slammed down on their heads. I think they’re handling it the same way. Only difference is, everyone can SEE how Mare is handling it. Hence the term, I think it’s a lot harder on Gary that she or anyone else thinks it is. Because that’s exactly all they can do. THINK about how hard it might be for him, since they can’t see it. Only one that has is Al. And that was quite a bit ago.

        So again. You know I don’t say anything to offend you or your characters. But since I apparently did, I guess I‘ll just step back for a bit. Seems I shouldn’t comment on my anxiety days.

      • Now, I wasn’t offended before — a little feather-ruffled, but not offended, but “damn good and well” has offended me. Please, let’s not take that tone with each other.

        I won’t rehash each line again as I have already indicated what I disagree with — and I do disagree — except for the Gary issue. We haven’t heard what everybody feels about Gary because I’m not focusing on everybody else, so how can we assume what they think or feel?

        This, I must say, is the thing that makes ME not want to respond even though I am the author. Everyone else can voice how they feel, but if I voice how I feel it seems like I’m always stepping on someone’s toes and people suddenly want to stop commenting. You have been very verbal on how you feel more than once and I don’t ever remember responding in detail even when I disagreed because agree or disagree, I appreciate the conversation and comments. The one time that I do, you want to stop commenting. One of the last people in the world that I want to offend is YOU, but maybe this is my signal to keep MY commentary to myself and just let the story speak for itself like I have been as of late.

      • seralynsmom says:

        I’m the type of person, that is always afraid of offending people. Not just a few, everyone.

        I have very few people in this world that I count as people I enjoy commentating with and when I feel like I’ve offended one of them, it sets off my anxiety but also upsets me because I would hope that they would know me well enough by that point to know I would NEVER wish to offend them.

        As you said, this was the one of few times you’ve come back at me and you were obviously upset by what I said and so…it triggered that “omg I didn’t mean to offend” anxiety that I have. You have every right to voice your opinion. I just got scared I upset you as that wasn’t my intention.

        I’ve tried not to voice how I feel about this Gary/Marilyn situation because it’s a sensitive topic. I’ve kept it to myself because I KNEW that (not necessarily you) I would have at least some people who would disagree with me and would do so very verbally. Because I hate that everyone seems to be more upset over the way Marilyn is reacting that no one seems to care to see if Gary is having the same issues. And I don’t actually mean Ana or Al, or even the scoobygang. I mean us as readers. We’ve chosen a side in this thing and you know, a fair number of people have more or less been “fuck Gary” and I feel it’s unfair because, as I said in my comment, Mare absolutely has the right to chose what to do with her body but being in a committed relationship with the person whose dna she’s terminating, it makes it exceptionally complicated and he has the right to how he feels as well and I’m frustrated because we haven’t seen yet just how he’s reacting to all this and it sucks watching how hurt Marilyn is. The not wanting to comment anymore on anxiety days, as I said, isn’t because of you. It’s because my mouth to brain filter is often non-existent and I end up saying the things I’ve been wanting to say, and I end up pissing someone off and that scares me because I don’t like confrontation. Especially when I’m having trouble reigning in my anxiety.

        So yes, I think it’s best I don’t go on diatribes those days. And this would have been caused by ANYONE getting upset at my comment. Not just you. If Falalala would have disagreed with me it would have triggered it too. Because my brain would have gone “oh shit, they disagree, maybe I shouldn’t have said that”.

        As for the other “damn good and well” I apologize. It just hurt to think you didn’t know that I would never insult your characters or offend you because I’ve never done that. Not to my knowledge. We’ve disagreed before, but I don’t remember a time when I obviously insulted Ana or Christian and upset you.

      • seralynsmom says:

        And just so you know. That last bit wasn’t meant to make you feel bad. It’s just me realizing that my brain to mouth filter apparently doesn’t work properly one my anxiety days. So 🤷🏻‍♀️

      • I’m sorry if I aggravated your anxiety. That certainly was not my intention. 😥

      • falalalynx says:

        Ladies, I think we all need a group hug. Deep breath and relax. Of course how you feel about something comes from your personal history. Interpretation needs to be fluid. No gauntlets have been thrown or need to be. I love you my sisters. {{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}} No offense and no leaving the group. I need you both too too much. XOXOXOXOXOXO
        PEACE, falala

      • magy says:

        Tienes mucha razón, en la vida la depresión por amor puede hacer que tengas una gran pérdida de peso, yo baje de talla 11 a talla 4 por que mi prometido simplemente se arrepintió y se fue sin decir nada, solo no apareció nunca más, mi familia se preocupo por mi y tarde más de 8 meses en volver a intentar retomar mi vida y conseguir otro trabajo porque todo lo había abandonado y tiempo después conocí al que ahora es mi esposo y tenemos dos hijos y llevamos juntos 26 años!

      • Wow, eso es tan severo!!! Me alegra saber que tu historia tuvo un final feliz. ❤

  13. seralynsmom says:

    Also. I want a Jason Taylor so I can have all of the cooking things. That is all.

    • falalalynx says:

      Lordy lordy Ash you were on fire through your comments. I like it! I love your passion. I think Jason is a great dad. And he was brilliant to marry Gail. XOXOXOXOXOXO Peace, Falala

  14. S. Hodgson says:

    I loved this chapter. One of my favs.

  15. Teri Spraggins says:

    I love Vegas…but I love this chapter more! Thanks for the mantras…I think I will keep them close to heart.

  16. Barbara says:

    I’ve read all the comments and believe you’ve covered the issues in the chapter. I just want to say I loved all the facts we learned about the food. I felt as if I was there.

  17. falalalynx says:

    Good evening Dearling,

    I have a question for you. What on earth is that thing in the picture the chef is cooking/mixing in? It looks like some kind of vegetable or fruit? Is it? I didn’t pay much attention to it when I first got this chapter. I jumped right into the content and started reading. It’s interesting looking.

    How are you this evening? Did you get something slinky to wear for Daddy Goddess on Valentine’s Day? giggle Wrap yourself up in silk and feathers? Buy a new flogger? lol No no those Tenga eggs? Is that what they are called? Christian liked those. grin But I kind of felt like they could be too good. They could replace the real thing almost. giggle

    hmmmmm Do you think Fifty Shades would have been as successful if it had been published after the Me Too movement began? Public opinion is so fickle sometimes.

    I just felt like chatting and I love how your mind works. xoxoxo Falala

    • That is a cheese bowl, my beloved. Fresh cheese originally comes in blocks or wheels. “Alla ruota” loosely translates “to the wheel.” So, the pasta is prepared withthe pepper and oil then rolled in the wheel of cheese tableside and served directly from the wheel.

      I have so many silky, shiny, skimpy things to wear for Daddy — I have things that I have purchased that I haven’t even taken the tags off yet…

      And yes, I have a flogger. In fact, I have two. 😉

      To answer your question, no, I don’t think Fifty Shades would have survived today’s environment. At least it wouldn’t have been as successful as it is. 😦

  18. falalalynx says:

    Happy Valentine’s Day all you lovelies!

  19. falalalynx says:

    Hey Goddess,

    In my endless search for you I used the facebook link from the top of this page to see what I could see. grin I just miss you okay? grin Anyway here’s my unsolicited opinion. lol I think it would be uber cool giggle if they rescued the pitty puppy from a rescue place like the SPCA but said pitty puppy didn’t want to leave without his very own emotional support puppy who he found when he ended up in the situation they are in. This ‘other’ puppy could be a completely different breed or even my fav a mutt. I actual saw/read about a pitty that was adopted but wouldn’t leave the pound without his best bud who happened to be a chihuahua. The picture of the two of them was adorable. The pitty sitting there with this tiny head sticking out of the space between his body and the fold of his leg. The pitty could be super smart and the other one a doofus or whatever. A pitty and a fluff ball like Meeko. You get my drift? Oh my but I’m excited to get to this. The conversations you could write for them. lol I will love whatever you give me. I do like the idea of contrast in size or breed. But I do think they will both love there Mikey and Minnie above and beyond my wildest dreams. lol And you do know how wild my dreams can be. lol Oh happy dance. I’m so glad I looked into your facebook link. XOXOXOXOXO Love you! Miss you! Need to see you! Peace, Falala

  20. jean2beta says:

    So sorry for your loss. I know how much you must miss her o9n those Special Days. 😢

  21. jean2beta says:

    I’m a retired mental health therapist and say to you that the emotions you just felt can blind side you completely. You end up feeling ‘WTF??’ Just roll with it; process it [maybe even learn what triggered it]. They will never go away, but will ‘soften’ with time. Most of all, treasure her and the relationship you had. Hugs.

  22. Valentinesgenie says:

    I’m loving all of these chapters that I’ve gotten a chance to read.

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