Raising Grey: RunTellAna!

RunTellAna!

I actually had to do a post about this because there was just no addressing it any other way. I really love when people get into conversations about what they think is going to happen and what direction the story is going in, but this is one that I had to address really quick. Now, don’t think I’m mad at anybody! This is informational purposes only. 😉

John and Christian—John is Christian’s friend. Christian had a conversation with his friend about his situation. John joked about “not starting the clock,” but John stopped being Christian’s psychiatrist two stories ago. When I have a conversation with my friends, I don’t run and tell my husband every time I have a conversation with my friends, nor am I required to, just like he doesn’t do that for me.

“But Lynn, John’s interference caused them a whole lot of problems back in Paging and Mending. Should Christian be talking to him at all? And shouldn’t he tell Ana before she finds out some other way?”

How? Who’s going to tell her? John’s in England for at least a year and Ana and John don’t talk. How is she going to find out? Also, if it was that big a problem, don’t you think it would have been an even bigger problem at their wedding? Ana doesn’t hate the man or else she never would have told Christian to call him. She would have left that to Grace.

“But Lynn, you didn’t answer the first question—interference? Problems? Ana going nuts?

Ana never told Christian to fire John. Christian came at Ana with what he interpreted John said. That’s what pissed her off (Granted, John left a lot to the interpretation). Their vastly varying methods of psychiatric practice left a hugely bitter taste in her mouth, but Christian fired John because he didn’t like how John left the conversation open for a wide interpretation, not because Ana said that he had to. If Christian had decided to continue to see John as his psychiatrist, Ana couldn’t do anything about that. That was his choice.

I’m going to answer a question that I see often. Every time Christian talks to someone that makes people think, “Hmm, should he be talking to that person?” I see, “Is he going to tell Ana? He better tell Ana! Is he going to tell her?”

The answer is, “No.”

Christian is not going to “runtellAna” every little thing that happens, because the success of their marriage is not dependent on her knowing every single solitary detail of his life. If I knew every single tiny detail of my husband’s life, who he talks to, about what, yada yada yada, I wouldn’t have enough time to live my own life! Who has that kind of mental real estate? I’d lose my marbles!

When things are important and Ana needs to know, Christian makes sure that she knows—in his own time. Anybody remember the hacker situation? She was clueless—and pissed—and what did he tell her? “You just have to trust me.” He didn’t tell her a thing until he was ready, and even then, he still didn’t tell her everything.

I’m kind of going on a tangent, but what I’m trying to say is that everything that happens in the story is not a “Secrets and Lies” plot and everything that happens to them doesn’t originate from a “Secrets and Lies” plot, because it always seems to come back to that. Some things, they need to communicate and tell each other (i.e. Liam). Everything? NO! They don’t need to tell each other everything unless something is going to be detrimental to their life, health, family, relationship, etc. “I had a two-hour conversation with my friend about his life and my life” is not detrimental unless John told him to leave his wife and we’re assuming that he didn’t do that.

My husband and I have been together for nearly 20 years. He knows what to keep to himself, as do I. Every little thing, every little conversation does not need to be discussed. Couples who have been together for years and years know that I’m right.

And please, don’t post comments that tell that universal lie:

“My husband (wife/significant other) and I have absolutely no secrets! We tell each everything!” (Yes, I’m making the “snooty face” and “snooty voice” while I type that)

Yeah… no.

No matter how hard you try to convince me of that, know in advance that I’m not going to respond—but I am going to sit here laughing at you while secretly judging you and calling you a liar, or I’m just going to assume that you don’t have enough life/relationship experience yet to know that sometimes, unless it’s detrimental, you keep your mouth shut to keep the peace. I do, however, reserve the right to post a hilariously laughing gif as a response if I feel the need to do so.

Every time some little bug gets up my butt, I don’t need to “runtellDaddy.” It’ll crawl out eventually and I usually discover that it’s not worth the effort.

My husband’s an attractive man. Every time somebody gets a little flirty with him, as long as he puts them in their place, he doesn’t have to “runtellme.” I don’t “runtellDaddy” every time somebody says something or shows interest in me. I tell them that I’m married and send them on their way.

So, just to answer the question—no, Christian ain’t gonna “runtellAna” and Ana ain’t gonna “runtellChristian” every time something happens.

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31 thoughts on “Raising Grey: RunTellAna!

  1. Kathy Willette says:

    This is your story not there’s. I was married for 40 yes we didn’t tell each other everything. Why would we want to. Important things yes. Other not so much.

  2. Jeangb says:

    Well done, I agree with you. I have been married for Fifty odd years and I’m sure my husband didn’t tell me about every interaction he had during his working life, likewise I haven’t told him everything. But we trust each other. This situation will continue as long we are together, unless of course, it is something that could be detrimental to our relationship.

  3. seralynsmom says:

    I only said he should tell her he talked to John, not what about. Grace seems to talk to John, so is it not possible she’d learn that way? I’m not saying that Christian HAS to tell her. I’m simply saying that it always seems that anytime they don’t tell one another something big like that the other finds out another way and for some reason it turns into this huge thing. We know Ana doesn’t particularly like John, I don’t think she’d like her personal dirty laundry being aired to him. But I feel if Christian straight up said “baby I talked to John.” And was a little up front about what even if he just says “just this and that. Our relationship, my fuck up, yours. I just wanted a perspective like (and tell her what he thought himself about someone kinda in the middle)” I really feel like she’d be “ok, I can understand that.” And it won’t turn into something big. Because it always does. Always. It never seems like they ever have moments like this that don’t turn into something huge. Iunno why. Lmao. But I don’t think him talking to John is a big deal. I wasn’t upset he did it. I took it as friends chatting. I’m like Ana at the moment, just waiting for another shoe to drop and I’m afraid that John might be it to a certain point. Though whoever is outside GEH has likely shoved that to the side, hard.

    • seralynsmom says:

      I mean, I noticed those comments that were like “omg Christian that was not ok” and I was like, ummmmm why?? Why was it not ok for him to want another perspective?? He’s trying to figure out what he can do to help her. To help them get their relationship back to at least close to what it used to be. Right now they’re both having some trust issues. It’s both their fault and neither of their fault (if that makes sense). So he thought about it and realized John could give him a new perspective. Plus they’re friends who haven’t talked in a while.

    • I get what you’re saying, but John is just the example in this case. Whether or not he tells Ana that he talked to John is kind of irrelevant. To be honest, stepping back from the characters myself, I don’t think it would make a difference one way or the other if he told her or not. The only reason I used this instance as an example is because I kept getting the same question and I didn’t want to keep typing the same answer. But also, there have been instances where something happened and one told the other OR one didn’t tell the other, and the situations had varying outcomes. However, each time it was, “Is he gonna tell her?” “Is she gonna tell him?” and if the outcome is unpleasant, it’s usually followed by “They don’t communicate! They’re doomed! She should have told him!”

      Case and point… Liam. If I was working temporarily with someone who showed interest in me, I would have done the same thing Ana did – told him that I was married and to leave me the hell alone. Hindsight being 20/20 for Ana (because I already knew what was happening), she probably would have told Christian about what was going on and asked him to make an appearance had she thought it would have gone as far as it did (do you see where I’m going?). However, some man comes on to me, I tell him I’m not interested, that’s the end of that. Yet, when everything went down, it came back to “She should have told Christian,” and nearly every problem they have almost always comes back to “she should have told Christian” or “he should have told Ana” when that was never the root of the problem in the first place.

      My whole point of posting this post was to kind of dispel (did I spell that right?) the “Runteldat” mentality because it comes up all the time. This just happened to be the instance where I decided to address it. To be honest (**SPOILER ALERT****SPOILER ALERT**), John and Christian’s conversation was only supposed to illuminate John’s situation. Christian’s side of it was a complete afterthought, nothing but Christian talking to his friend, and I had no intentions of addresses it in the story again at all.

      Am I making any sense, or does it just look like useless rambling (le sigh)?

      • seralynsmom says:

        No you’re making sense and I get that. With Liam, I feel she should have told Christian simply because it wasn’t a one time thing. It wasn’t a “I’m married” and he left her alone. He kept coming and it left her open to what happened instead of getting that shit nipped in the bud asap and then looked what happened there. Had it been just once, “I’m married and you’re here to do a job and you need to respect that” I wouldn’t have cared if she told him. Does he tell her everytime so two but money grabber bats her lashes at him?? Nope. I don’t even need to say probably not because I know it’s a nope because just like her he gets probably 20 bitches in heat a day batting those eye feathers at him like he’s gonna give in to that. Liam wouldn’t have been a big deal in her not telling him had it not escalated instead of stopping entirely. And like I said when it happened, neither one is completely at fault there. He shouldn’t have run, but I get why he did. She shouldn’t have gotten mesmerized by the baby blues but I can understand it happening. It’s not a sin to be attracted to someone outside of the marriage. If it were, baby I’d be the biggest sinner. I can’t tell you the number of times my tells me too many damn things all the time husband has come home and goes “I saw a chick with the nicest ass today”. I don’t feel disrespected by it. He’s a grown ass, red blooded male. He’s gonna look. I just wish he wouldn’t think that I care. Lmao. So in retaliation when we’re watching movies and stuff like that, I have moments where I’m like “that Chris Evans is a fin piece of ass, is totally do him”. 😂😂😂 we have a strange relationship.

        With John, I don’t think Ana is going to give two shits that Christian aired their dirty laundry. I mean, I think she might be a bit annoyed, but it won’t make or break them. She’ll just shrug and be all “eh, whatever” and that’ll be that. Like I said above, I’m just thinking he should tell her because one- I’m sure she’d like to hear they’re doing ok, she’s not heartless after all. And two- because it always seems like moments like that come back to bite them. Not because of one another, because some asshole out to get them thinks they can use shit like that as leverage and does that stupid “I’m telling on you” crap and I like it when Ana or Christian can look at them and go “so?? I already knew this dumbass. You think they don’t tell me things?? Moron” and strut away like the bosses they are.

        But yeah, you make total sense. I do see a lot of “are they going to”s in chapters. I’m guilty of it too but to be honest, that’s just my brain. I’m am super duper analytical and I analyze literally every scenario that can come from something, I just don’t always mention it. It’s just a quirk of mah brain. I don’t know if you are in the Harry Potter fandom in anyway (from having just read them and sorta know what I’m talking about to being like me and being a diehard Potterhead) but it’s exactly why, when I took the Pottermore sorting quiz, I was sorted into Ravenclaw. We aren’t just the smart house. 😉

      • Girl, hold on… wait a minute, let me tell you…

        When I was in Detroit, I was a commodity because even though I’m big, I’ve got a nice, round ass. I don’t know what the case is now but when I lived there, that was NOT the case. Big asses were everywhere! Nice, round, big ones – not so much.

        So, I bring my happy ass out to Las Vegas. I start looking around and what do I see?

        BIG, ROUND ASSES EVERYWHERE! Black ones! White ones! Puerto Rican ones! African ones! Samoan ones! Northern ones! Southern ones! EVERYones! I was like, “What the fuck is in the water out here???” I wasn’t a commodity anymore… I was just big.

        So, that was a decade or so ago, and the situation hasn’t changed. About two months ago, I brought it up to my husband. I first started talking about Latinas, that they’ve got some curves. He said, “Well, they’re not big butts, they’re just wide.” I didn’t agree. I think they’ve got curves. Next, I said, “Well, there’s some women out here with some big butts. I didn’t see these butts in Detroit!” Do you know what he says to me?

        “Yeah, there’s some impressive resumes out here.”

        … 😮

        I almost passed out.

        It took a moment for me to realize that my husband and I were sitting here talking about asses. Then, the three-second funnel went into affect and came out with, “You been looking at women’s asses?”

        WHAT THE HELL COULD I SAY? I WAS LOOKING AT THEM, TOO, AND I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN! I DIDN’T EXPECT HIM TO LOOK??

        I did read your post and I didn’t ignore it, but I had to share that because when you said, “I’d be the biggest sinner,” my mind immediately went to that. I haven’t had any visual attraction to anybody out here, but do you remember when I went to see Black Panther and that big life-sized screen came alive with Killmonger on there as I was walking into the theater and I froze and said, “How YOU doin’?” and my husband was standing right behind me?

        Man, if we told each other every instance where something like that happened, we’d be divorced by now! ROTFLMAO!

      • seralynsmom says:

        Exactly!!! Lmao. I ogle the shit out of men on the big screen. Michael B. Jordan is a fine piece too. Whew!!!! Mmmmmm. 😂

        And to answer the question to the person who asked me about Ana telling Christian to call John and if I didn’t think he’d tell her he called. She told him to call and check on him, not sit and talk for two hours about their lives and what had happened. I don’t think she would be expecting to learn that Christian sat and talked to John for two hours about how he ran away and why. Just sayin’

      • seralynsmom says:

        Holy typos Batman!! I was rereading what I wrote to make sure I didn’t want to add anything and damn there were a lot. Lmao

    • 1962 says:

      2 things, 1 what makes you think Christian after Ana saying you should call John wouldn’t say to her oh by the way baby I talked to John here’s an update on how’s things are going. 2. I don’t any man especially Christian would say and by the way we talked for 2 hours over our relationship, my f**k ups, yours. It’s not gonna happen. Please don’t get me wrong it’s just my opinion. And BG I loved how you did Christian and John’s phone call. I hope they don’t lose touch. Would love to see a British vaycay in the future!

  4. Connie Gould says:

    First I love this story it’s my favorite better then EL JAMES I won’t to know who got out of that CAR you always leave us hanging I know keep us on the edge of our set

  5. Christian618 says:

    Hi Bronze to be honest I didn’t see a problem with Christian talking to Flynn. I took it for what it was Christian seeking out advice from his friend who happens to be a professional psychiatrist. He has gieven Christian advices before as a friend so no I did not see any issue with it.

  6. Barbara says:

    Well said!! I’m approaching my 30th wedding anniversary & we definitely don’t tell each other everything! The fact that you had to write this little PSA makes me laugh. It never crossed my mind that Christian better “runtellAna” that he talked to John. I took it as I read it (& how you meant it) that he called HIS friend! We’ve all been there, done that. Nothing to “runtellhubs” about every time I talk to one of my girls!

    • I do understand why some people thought that he should tell her, but I was pretty much making it clear that he’s not going to tell her everything for just that reason… she doesn’t need to know everything.

  7. self1977 says:

    Lynn, I 200% agree IF Ana did NOT want Christian to contact John Ana would not told Christian anything. Ana knew they were friends outside being therapist, so she knew he would call him.

  8. MichelleCheri’ says:

    Perfectly said!

  9. NikkiStew says:

    #truth. No way anyone should tell their SO every single detail of their days… Leave something to the imagination, darn it! Did CG know Ana was going to come strolling into GEH wearing that fire engine red hobble skirt? NO. Frankly, it’s less of a case of #runtellAna than it is treating your SO like a freakin’ confessor… Gotta tell it all before you break your daily bread. #sitrep

  10. Valarie says:

    I feel like you do BG.There are times when you need to inform your mate on issues and stuff. However, there are times when you do not need / have to. Just like you mentioned if it’s determental to your relationship, yes if not let it be. Pick and choose your battles wisely.

  11. Sara Bowen says:

    Next month we will be married 50 years. We wouldn’t have made it by telling each other everything. Some things need to be left unsaid. The major things, yes, but little every day things need not clutter each other’s minds. We have a wonderful relationship and many people ask how we did it. We don’t know, but whatever it is still seems to be working.

  12. lpev7 says:

    WOW true. Very well said.

  13. Charina says:

    My heart is breaking. I thought I was getting a chapter! Lol even got all comfortable with my snack and everything. Get out of high school people! If you are an adult over 21 with a real life ( a job, coworkers, friends, other family members, and a hobby that doesn’t include your husband). You don’t have the time to bring all that home. He doesn’t have time to listen to all that shit. You don’t have time to listen to all of his shit. You better learn now. If you want a fulfilling relationship where you miss each other, you need time breathe. So you don’t get sick of each other. I’m taking this personal! I just wasted my good tea leaves. Get a life!
    Just ignore this people, they’re wasting your very valuable time.

  14. Debbie says:

    ROFLMAO!!!!!!People…..come on now. I have 44yrs. with the same man. If we told each other EVERYTHING, we wouldn’t have made it 3yrs. So go on, BG. I totally agree with you.

  15. Kenzi says:

    Just slipping this comment through – – – but I’ve been dying for the next chapter! the cluffhanger of the Century 😱

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