Paging Dr Steele: Chapter 58: Fun Times… Finally!

This is a work of creativity. As such, you may see words, concepts, scenes, actions, behaviors, pictures, implements, and people that may or may not be socially acceptable and/or offensive. If you are sensitive to adverse and alternative subject matter of any kind, please do not proceed, because I guarantee you’ll find it here. You have been warned. Read at your own risk.

I do not own Fifty Shades Trilogy, or the characters. They belong to E. L. James. I am only exercising my right to exploit, abuse, and mangle the characters to MY discretion in MY story in MY interpretation as a fan. If something that I say displeases you, please, just leave. If you don’t like this story or me, please don’t spoil this experience for everyone. Just go away. For the rest of you, the saga continues…

Chapter 58—Fun Times… Finally!


She has but to ask and we are out of the villa like… well, like we’re on vacation. My baby wants fun, so it’s fun we shall have! Today, we shall spend the day on the water. I rented a 35-foot catamaran called Chocolat for the entire day until well past sunset. Davenport was set to go stag this day so as not to rock the boat—pun intended, but Gail and Jason are newlyweds and I have no intention of keeping my hands off Butterfly. So, after a short stop to retrieve Keri, we’re off to the Chocolat.

Our captain, Rollins Raun, showed us around the boat including the lounging trampolines that hang over the water to afford the opportunity to relax and tan while feeling the cool breeze from the sea water underneath. I’m certain that all the ladies are beautiful today—the caramel-colored native Keri as well as the glowing newlywed Gail… but I can only see my Butterfly. I so want her to be happy and enjoy the rest of this trip. It was my intention to have her relax and unwind, get ready to face the world once her physical bruises healed. So far, I have failed miserably.

She looks breathtaking standing there at the bow of the boat as we set sail and get into open waters. Raun begins to give us a little history about the cays we’ll visit, but Butterfly is in her own world, staring out at the water, wearing a passion purple long-sleeved short beach dress and her Bvlgari sunglasses. She honestly looks like a fashion model. I stand back and watch her for a while, gazing out over the water as the catamaran glides through the Caribbean Sea. I take out my phone and snap a picture of her. I don’t know why we haven’t taken more pictures on this vacation except for those from the wedding, but we have a few more days to rectify that.

I step behind her and slide my arms around her waist. I’m pleased that she’s not startled, but instead sinks into my embrace, wrapping her arms around mine and laying her head back on my chin. She’s amazingly peaceful near the water. I’m going to have to find us a house near the coast… she needs the water. It calms her. In the meantime…

“I’m thinking about having an aquarium added to the apartment somewhere,” I say to her.

“Ugh! I hate aquariums!” she exclaims.

“Huh!?” This from the woman who ran away from me two weeks ago and was later abducted from an aquarium?

“Let me rephrase that… I hate home aquariums,” she says. I frown. I’ve seen some very beautiful home aquariums. I just haven’t had a reason to get one before now.

“May I ask why?” I inquire.

“I had one with David. It turned me off from them,” she responds. Hmm…

“What turned you off?” I ask. She sighs.

“I don’t know. It just brings back bad memories,” she says, sort of dismissively.

“When you looked at the fish?” I ask. She turns around to look at me.

“Why are you pressing this?” she asks, slightly irritated.

“Because you’ve awakened two nights in a row now, and both times, you ended up at the beach. The day we quarreled about my phone, you ended up at the beach. The day you discovered that I had gone to Green Valley, you went to the aquarium, and just now before I came to hold your luscious body in my arms…”

That earns me a little smile.

“… You were looking out over the water like you would jump in and float away at any moment. This sounds like a woman who finds calm and peace near the water… not a woman who hates aquariums, home or otherwise. So, I just want to know what it is about your home aquarium that you didn’t like so that we don’t repeat it when we get our home aquarium.”

I can’t see her eyes under the sunglasses, but I can tell her expression falls. I don’t know if this was good or bad until she put one hand on my cheeks and stands on her tippy toes to give me the softest kiss.

“You’re a wonderful and remarkable man. Please don’t ever forget that,” she says softly. I lean into her hand.

“As long as I have this extraordinary and astounding woman, I won’t,” I reply. She pulls me down to her and kisses me with enough passion to make me forget that there are other people on this boat, but not that we haven’t made love in a few days. I gather her in my arms and lift her up, devouring her kisses hungrily. I release her lips and we’re both panting.

“I love you, Butterfly. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Nothing I wouldn’t give you,” My eyes are closed as I rub my nose along hers.

“I know, My Love. I know,” she says as she kisses me gently on the lips, her words and her gestures sending my heart soaring.

We stand there for a while discussing our aquarium. It turns out that the idea of the aquarium isn’t bad as such, but the fact that her only experience was with David, and she doesn’t want that memory.

“So, let’s make new memories,” I suggest. “We design our aquarium, something that you’ll love—custom made, built into the wall, low maintenance. We hand-pick out water settings and our fish, and I’ll make sure the tank is properly cared for.” She looks at me a bit uncertain. “I think the only reason that you don’t like the idea is because your benchmark sucks. This is something that you love, and you should have, and you shouldn’t let that asshole ruin it for you,” I add. “If you hate it, I’ll rip it out the same day.” She smiles at me.

“I believe you would,” she says, caressing my face.

A short while later, we end up at our first destination, the Prickly Pear Cays. Six miles out in the Leeward Island, the north side of the cays is excellent for snorkeling, scuba diving, and beach combing. Raun drops anchor just off shore and Butterfly decides that she wants to do some snorkeling. Jason and Davenport opt for scuba diving while Gail and Keri decide to just relax on the beach. Snorkeling turns out to be a wonderful experience for us. I didn’t think we would see as much as we would had we gone scuba diving, but I was wrong. The reefs near the cays are close to the surface so that you get to see nearly as much marine life as if you were scuba-diving. Raun gives us a waterproof camera as he’s certain we would want to know the names of the fish that we see on our trip. I let Butterfly do those honors.

It’s wonderful watching her amazement at the various types of fish that are so close to the surface, including a stingray which is nestled in the white sand of the reef. I was sure that you would only find those in deeper water, but sure enough, Butterfly captures a picture of one relaxing in the sand just off the shore.

We have lunch on the small cay at the Prickly Pear Bar and Restaurant. We feast on lobster, chicken, and baby back ribs all cooked on an open grill along with seasoned rice and peas, coleslaw, mixed salad and sautéed potatoes. The ladies again indulge in rum punch with their lunches while the gentlemen have beers, except for Davenport who opts for a soft drink. The drinks are flowing, and conversation is smooth and easy. It’s a lazy morning—and early afternoon—so far.

We’re all back on the catamaran by 1:00pm and off to our next location. I’m having a conversation with Jason and Davenport when I realize that Butterfly has disappeared. It’s a large boat, but you can’t just disappear.

“Excuse me, Captain.” The dark chocolate man smiles a huge smile at me… you can’t help but smile back. “Have you seen my girlfriend, the little brunette in the purple dress?”

“Check below, she probably go to de restroom,” he says casually. I nod my thanks to him and descend to the inside of the catamaran to search for Butterfly. The boat has four separate cabins, so this may take a while. However, in the second cabin curled up on a queen-sized bed, I find my Butterfly sleeping peacefully. I don’t want to bother her as she hasn’t been sleeping well these last two nights and an afternoon nap is probably just what she needs right now. As long as we don’t miss the sunset, I’ll be just fine.

I sit on the end of the bed and watch her sleep. She looks edible in this black lace bathing suit that she is wearing—one piece over her skin blacked out at the bra and panties. She almost purrs in her sleep. I hope she’s dreaming of flowers and butterflies and not that asshole Harris. I look at her and I can see my future, and I mean everything… the house, the children, the dog—the whole nine yards. I could never see that before her, now it’s all I think about—making her Mrs. Grey and filling her with my babies. God that sounds archaic!

I believe Butterfly would make a fantastic mother… she certainly knows what not to do, case and point—Carla Morton. Ana is the most insightful, considerate, empathetic person that I’ve ever met. She’s what makes me want to be better. She makes me want to fix all of my screwed-up shit and be the best man that I can possibly be. How can that happen in one month? How can one person have such a profound effect on you that they make you want to change everything that you ever wanted in your life… in one month?

She stirs a bit and I can tell that she’s dreaming. Please don’t be about Harris. Please don’t be about Harris.

“Oh…” she murmurs in her sleep.


“They’re so beautiful…”

Okay, that sounds promising.

“Thank you… I love them…” she mumbles and falls back into her sleep.

I won’t bother her. For once, I know that she’s dreaming of something pleasant and I won’t disturb her from that. A smile forms on her face and remains for a long time. I don’t know how long I watch her beautiful slumber, but my Butterfly-gazing is disturbed by Jason’s signature throat-clearing. I turn to look at him.

“We’re at Sandy Island, Boss.” He looks at Butterfly. “Is she okay?” I leave the cabin and close the door behind me.

“She hasn’t been sleeping well. She’s having nightmares about the kidnapping.” I’m sure if I say that her nightmares are directly about Harris that Jason would berate himself endlessly, so I omit that bit of information.

“Is there anything I can do?” he asks concerned.

“I don’t think so,” I respond, running my hand through my hair. “You all just go on ahead. I’ll stay here with Butterfly and if she wakes up, we’ll join you. Take some pictures for her, just in case.”

He nods and goes back up to join the others. I go back into the room with Butterfly. She’s the strongest woman I’ve ever met—or at least a close second to Grace Trevelyan Grey—but right now, she looks so small and helpless. I climb into bed facing her and gently put my arm around her. She sighs and reaches out for me, falling contentedly back to sleep once her hand makes contact with my chest.

“Christian…” she whispers, never opening her eyes. I kiss her forehead.

“I’ll protect you, Butterfly. For the rest of my life, I’ll protect you,” I promise.

“Thank you…” she says, and she’s gone again. Somebody up there must really think I deserve a break, because I really feel like my life is changing for the better. I have a beautiful woman who loves me, and I was able to salvage a friendship with two people who I didn’t know I needed until a few days ago. That relationship is going to take some real work, but hopefully, I still come out of the experience a better man no matter what. I snuggle next to my beautiful Butterfly and watch her sleeping.


I feel feather-soft kisses on my eyelids, and I move to open them.

“Mmmmm,” I moan before opening my eyes. She gazes at me with pure love in her eyes as she strokes my hair. “Hey,” I say groggily.

“Hey, yourself,” she responds, still stroking my hair. “We missed Sandy Island.”

“We did?” I didn’t know I had fallen asleep. I sleep more since I have been with Butterfly, but it appears that she sleeps less. “I didn’t want to wake you. It seems like you needed your rest.”

“I did. Thank you,” she says, still stroking my hair, her eyes dreamy.

“What are you thinking?” I ask.

“You take good care of me, Christian,” she responds.

“I try.”

“You do,” she says softly kissing my lips.

“What were you dreaming about earlier?” Fear comes over her face as she knows she must have talked in her sleep. “You didn’t have any nightmares, did you?” I ask, immediately regretting that I opened the subject.

“Not that I remember,” she answers tentatively. I sigh.

“Good, because I didn’t think you did.”

“Then why did you ask me what I was dreaming about?”

“Only because I was curious, baby. There was nothing wrong,” I assure her. She breathes a sigh of relief and answers, “Fish.”

“Fish?” I say confused.

“Yes, fish. I was dreaming about the beautiful fish that we saw in the reef at Prickly Pear. I was thinking how I had never been snorkeling in my entire life and had only seen beautiful, tropical fish like these at the aquarium.” She pushes herself closer to me. “I was thinking that this would not have been possible if it weren’t for you, and that I wanted to thank you while we were snorkeling and looking at these beautiful creatures, but I couldn’t do it at that moment without risking drowning,” she says with a small laugh before kissing me again.

“How do you manage to constantly say and do things that make me feel like my heart will burst?” I say looking into her eyes.

“What a lovely thing to say,” she says softly, “creepy, but lovely.” Oh, I want to make love to her right here and now, but that would be inappropriate… even for me. There are six other people up top, not to mention that I said I would let Butterfly initiate the next time we made love.

“Do we know what time it is?” I ask.

“About four,” she responds. “We’ll be at Little Bay any moment now.”

“Are you up for more snorkeling?”

“I certainly am,” she says with a smile.

Little Bay is one of the smallest beaches in Anguilla, but it is a very popular spot, nestled in a cove surrounded by a magnificent collection of cliffs. You can reach this cove by boat like we did, or by driving to a cliff right in Anguilla and propelling down a rope to the beach. Needless to say, we opted for the boat as did many of the guests currently enjoying Little Bay’s beach. Again, I watch joyously as Butterfly snaps picture after picture of the exotic fish at Little Bay, including not one but two very large sea turtles… again, something I thought that we would see further out in the water.

Dusk is threatening as we climb back on board the Chocolat for dinner and drinks. It has been a fabulous day and I’m very happy that I was able to spend every moment with my Butterfly. Raun’s second mate downloads our pictures for us and puts them on a flash drive along with a file that names all the Anguillan-indigenous fish that we captured with the camera.

We learn that my favorite fish is the Blue Tang, which is actually yellow when it’s a baby. Ana calls this fish the “Dory Fish.” I have no idea what she’s talking about. When she tried to explain it to me, all I could decipher what that it has something to so with some movie about a clown fish named “Nemo.” Not surprisingly, Ana’s favorite fish is a beautiful black and white fish that we later learned is called the Banded Butterfly. Go figure.

I’m elated to be able to watch the sunset from the trampoline of the Chocolat with my arms wrapped around my Baby. That’s all I wanted to do all day. That’s why I rented the catamaran for the whole day, to make sure that we would be here for this moment. The clouds have parted and look like they’re dipping right down into the water, while opening to make room for the last of the sunrays. After a few more minutes, the clouds dissipate into streaks and the sky makes way for a perfect sunset. As the sun makes its descent and begins to disappear behind the horizon, the sky has cleared and is casting a gorgeous shade of orange over everything. Butterfly looks on in amazement as the sky is painted a remarkable color while the daylight takes a bow and makes its exit.


It has to be about 3am and I’ve noticed that Butterfly is missing again. I would have hoped that today’s relaxation would have soothed some of the fears that faced her subconscious, but apparently that’s not the case. I’m about to rise out of the bed and go in search of her when she emerges from the en suite, completely naked…

Down, Greystone.

She steps into a flowy knee-length black halter dress and throws a soft gray wrap over her shoulder. I close my eyes just as she throws a glance back over to me. She has had another dream about that asshole, no doubt, and she needs the soothing of the water to calm her down. I peek just in time to see her leave the room. I wait to hear the ring of the elevator before I get out of bed. We’ve never talk during her nighttime walks—we just return to bed. I’d like to know what’s going on, what’s inside her head when she gazes longingly out at the turquoise water.

I’ll give her a few minutes to herself, but I really want to talk to her about this, I think to myself as I get dressed.


It was a fabulous day. I got a chance to do some snorkeling which is something that I have never done, but always wanted to do since I’ve always had such a fascination with the water. I was quite surprised when Christian suggested getting an in-house aquarium. Ultimately, Escala is his apartment and if he wants to get one, he should. I’m just not sure how I feel about him getting one for me.

Edward and I had thought very carefully about getting a fish tank. The damn thing was 50 gallons. We chose our tropical fish and our settings, even deciding where it would look best in the apartment. It was supposed to bring us hours of relaxation together. Instead, it brought me days and weeks of depression alone. I watched the fish to calm myself, sometimes wondering what it would be like to have a memory that only lasted a few seconds—like a goldfish… or like that movie where the girl has to relive the same day over and over because she lost her memory in a car accident.

Imagine never having to remember or relive any of the bad things that have happened to you—the hurts, the harm, the betrayals. The flip side to that is you would never remember the good times either. Is it worth the trade-off?

When Edward left, I couldn’t wait to get that damn thing out of my apartment! To me, it was a symbol of our relationship—a constant reminder of what I wanted from him but could never have. It scares me to embark upon that endeavor with someone else. It seems like a small thing—it’s just an aquarium, it’s not a kidney… but to me, it’s pretty big. It’s something that we shared, and I thought it was special… and then he was gone, and I was stuck with that damn aquarium! Unless you’re willing to just kill off the fish and flush them down the toilet, you have to find homes for them just like you would any other pet. That whole ordeal was traumatizing, and I swore that no matter how much I loved fish and the water that I would not get another aquarium…

And now Christian wants to get me another aquarium.

I love him for loving me so much that he wants to make me happy in every way. The trip started off great, then took a swift decline for a couple of days. Now it seems to be on the upswing again, with Gail and Jason’s beautiful wedding and the wonderful day that we had today. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for smoother waters ahead as I lay next to Christian in our master suite drifting off to sleep.

I’m sitting on the orange porch swing in front of the house that I shared with Ray and Carla. This is where I used to plan my life, where Allen and I used to come up with the ideas that would run the world someday. Ray bought me this dress when I was twelve. It was black and had red designs all over it with buttons strategically placed randomly in the designs. I loved the dress because Ray bought it, but I always thought that it was too “old” for a twelve-year-old. How odd that my subconscious reached for this dress at this time.

It’s a strange feeling when you know that you’re having a battle in your dream—that the participants are not really there, not even you, but it doesn’t make the victory any less detrimental. I’m swinging back and forth; my feet are bare, and a glass of lemonade is sweating in my hands. He’s walking towards me across a field, like a suitor coming to call on a beautiful sunny day. He’s just strolling like he doesn’t have a worry in the world. Technically, he doesn’t. He’s dead—but I’m about to cut his lifeline to this world once and for all… literally.

I see you’re back. Couldn’t stay away, could you?” he sneers.

Oh no, it’s you who can’t stay away. You’re dead, and you’re pissed, and this is the closest that you can get to haunting me. You prey on my insecurities and my fears, but there’s nothing of you left. That small bit of your consciousness that is still hanging onto this world, is only hanging on through me—through your hatred for me, and mine for you. But I’m here to let you go… to let you move on to that miserable hell that’s waiting for you.”

His face falls. I know I’m sounding crazy, but I know what I believe—and I believe that this demon, this remnant from my nightmares, only has the power that I give him; that every time he shows up, I allow him to do so; that he is squatting on my soul and I need to get him the hell away from me.

You do sound quite crazy, you know,” he says condescendingly. I snicker at him, because I completely know his game.

Of course, you know my thoughts, you ninny. You’ve attached yourself to my subconscious. You yourself are my thoughts. You didn’t expect me to know that?” He seems to be a bit pale now. Strange, he’s dead. I thought he was as pale as he could get.

You can’t shake me. I’ll always be in your mind. You’re afraid of me because I victimized you when you were vulnerable and you’ll never forget,” he spits.

You’re absolutely right. I’ll never forget how much of a chicken-shit ass coward you were. I’ll never forget that when I was free, I beat your ass down in the street, but you could only conquer me when my hands were chained. I’ll never forget that you were never man enough to go head-to-head with another man—that you only fought battles against women because you thought we were weak, but we surprised you. Not only did one beat your ass, but another one actually took you down and sent your miserable soul to hell. You should have stuck with the men, you limp-dicked bastard!”

He’s even more pale… in a minute, he’s going to be pure white.

I’ll never go away. I’ll haunt your fucking dreams every night. You’ll never get a good night’s sleep as long as you live.” His voice lacks the conviction it had at the beginning of this conversation.

And I’ll laugh at you every time you show up,” I spit back. “You don’t have any power over me, Bob! The only power that you have over me is the power that I give you and I’m taking that shit away right now.”

I now realize that he’s not turning white—he’s turning translucent!

You just remember that I destroyed your face for a whole week,” he growls.

Oh, I remember that well, and in the process my spirit was rebuilt. You reminded me that there will always be acts of cowardice in the world no matter how old you are, what you do, or where you go—and that people will get hurt from those acts of cowardice. But people like me… we’re survivors. You can’t take us down. You proved yourself that you will go down before I will! You’re dead! You lost the fight, but me—battle scars, Baby!” I say with fervor, quoting the statement proudly made by my lover the night I left sex scars on his thigh. “No more squatting in my life for you, Buddy. You’re a soul-sucking leach and I have no intentions of sharing my soul with you. Now take your miserable ass back to the pits of hell. You’re too worthless to even occupy my imagination.”

He disappears completely with that statement, but leaves me with one final thought.

You think you’re rid of me, but I guarantee you, I’ll be back. At your worst and weakest moment, I’ll be back.”

I don’t doubt that you will, and I’ll be waiting here to send your sorry ass back where the fuck you belong,” I snap. In only a few moments, I’m sitting quietly back on my porch swing, the Montesano breeze blowing through my hair… just me and my “crazy.”

I open my eyes slowly, feeling quite rested though it’s still dark outside. I fell asleep in Christian’s arms still in my bathing suit when we got back to the villa. It was still quite early in the evening and with yesterday’s afternoon nap, I’m bright-eyed and bushy-tailed!

I go to the en suite and remove my bathing suit. I quickly shower and wash my hair. It’s been marinating in salt from the sea for hours, so I condition it a little longer than usual. After I dry it, I come back into the bedroom to find Christian still sound asleep. I go to the closet and get my black chiffon spaghetti string halter dress and my pewter Pashmina & silk shawl. I don’t bother with underwear… nobody’s going to see me anyway. One last look at a sleeping Christian—my beautiful silent hero—then I’m off to sit by the sea for a while.

For some reason, when I wake in the night and hear the water, I’m drawn to it. It helps me think. In these early morning hours, I’m remembering the battle—if you can call it that—that I had with Harris. I’m trying to release the anger that I have towards him. I don’t excuse what he did, nor do I forgive him yet. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to forgive him… but he’s dead now. He can’t hurt me or anyone else at this point, and holding on to that animosity only serves to make me miserable—to keep living and reliving what he did to me, which is why he keeps visiting me in my dreams. What purpose does that serve? True, I have Maxie as my therapist, but I need to draw on my own knowledge and help myself reason some of this stuff, too.

That massive meltdown that I had on Monday night is so much more significant than I want to admit. True, I wasn’t prepared for the berating that I received from Christian, not by any means, but I’m not a child. So why did I feel like one? It was wrong of me to answer his phone without his permission. I completely understand and agree with that now—but I still can’t figure out what caused me to damn near regress into childhood when it was all over. I couldn’t put together a single coherent thought. I had to think to keep from tumbling down the stairs. I bought 100 pounds of candy, for God’s sake! What the hell was wrong with me?

I’m sitting on the beach contemplating going back to the villa and maybe getting a snack. Hell, I’ve got 100 pounds of candy! I wonder if I should have awakened Christian. He nearly had a stroke the other night when he awoke and I wasn’t there. Where could I go? It’s an island!

I couldn’t help it, though. The water was calling me.

None of the beach lights from the villa are lit, so it’s very dark except for the moon… but it’s not so dark that I can’t see the sand moving and rising a few feet in front of me.

What the fuck!?

Okay, I’m scared. I watch the sand as it continues to shift and rise. There’s no wind and I’m too far from the waterfront for this to be settling moisture. Even if it were, it wouldn’t be this animated.

What the ever-loving fuck!?

I’m watching the sand continue to rise… slowly… slowly… rising in places and falling in others in a small hill. I’m reminded of a scene from that mummy movie when the sand began to rise right before the man-eating scarabs pop out and I am ready to run! And when I say run, I mean take flight! But for this moment, I’m slowly inching my way back from this rising sand, intrigued and terrified at the same time. It can’t be the man-eating scarabs; those things aren’t real… or are they? I decide I don’t want to stick around to find out as I have no intention of being their next meal.

Just as I am attempting to make my way to my feet, sure enough something black pops out of that little sandhill. All I see is movement and black things and I am freaking the fuck out!

“Oh my God! Oh my God!” I’m crawling backwards on my ass, my hands, and my feet, trying to get away from the man-eating scarabs. I manage to scramble to my feet, but I’m walking backwards afraid that if I turn my back on the tiny carnivores, they might overtake me and eat me. I saw what they did to the people in the mummy movie! I’m quietly backing away from the moving mountain of black and bump right into a set of arms and a hard chest in the dark.

Oh my God… it’s the mummy! I scream at the top of my lungs and the mummy covers my mouth. I’m dead, he’s going to take my soul and feed my carcass to the scarabs!

“Anastasia! It’s me! Stop screaming!” I recognize the voice and focus my eyes enough to see Christian.

“What are you doing here?” I squeal, hitting him on the arm.

“Ow! I could ask you the same thing! What’s wrong? Why are you trying to escape?” I turn and point to the hill of man-eating scarabs rising out of the sand. Christian takes a few steps closer to it and I grab his arm.

“No. Christian, don’t.” I don’t want the scarabs to eat him anymore than I want them to eat me. He turns to look at me, then back at the hill, and begins to laugh.

What the hell is so funny? The world is about to end and you’re going hysterical on me. And trust me, I’m not Rachel Weisz and he’s hotter than Brendan Fraser, but still…

“They’re turtles, baby,” he says, trying to pull me closer, but I’m not convinced.

“Turtles? What the hell are they doing in the ground!?” I squeal.

“Come here. Come on, you may never get a chance to see this again.” He holds his hand out to me and I take it. I still think they’re man-eating scarabs, but I guess we’ll die together. I pull my wrap tightly around me as we walk closer to the moving pile of sand. We stop a few feet away and Christian begins to tell me why there are turtles buried in the damn sand.

“They’re sea turtles, Butterfly, baby sea turtles. There was a nest down there, and it hatched,” he says.

“Well, how many nests are out here?” I say, watching the tiny creatures scamper towards the water. Christian shrugs.

“I don’t know. There could be several, or that could be the only one. I’ve never seen one hatch before… besides on television or something.” I look up at him.

“How do you know so much about baby sea turtles?” I ask.

“Just some of that useless information that you pick up throughout life,” he says. “I know a little about it.”

“Like what?” I say, still watching the “March of the Turtle.” He pulls me in front of him and wraps his arms around mine.

“Well, I know that they are endangered and here in Anguilla, they are very serious about protecting the reproduction of the turtles. That’s why there are no beach lights on at night. The turtles follow whatever light bounces off the water—usually the light of the moon—to get back to the sea. Other lights confuse them, and they die of exhaustion before they get to the water.”

“That’s so sad,” I say, thinking of a poor baby turtle lying dead on the beach after trying and failing to make it to the water.

A minute ago, they were man-eating scarabs.
Not your moment, Bitch, go away!

“So, actually it’s better if they hatch during the day… then they can see the sea,” I say.

“No, actually it’s worse. Do you see how far they are from the water’s edge?” Yeah, they are pretty far. I nod. “If they hatch during the day, they get picked off by seagulls.”

“Oh, good God, you’re kidding me,” I say. What a life… or lack of a life. The light is not your friend. I watch them quickly making their way to the sea… as quickly as they can anyway. They’re turtles after all, although they’re moving surprisingly quickly… but still slowly since their legs are so short. “There are so many of them. What is that, like 100?”

“Could be 200,” he says.

“So why are they endangered if there are so many?

“Because even when they make it to the water, not all of them live. There are underwater predators and dangers, too, you know. The males never come to land again once they get to the water, but the females come back to nest, and it takes a few decades for them to do that,” he says.

“You’re pretty smart,” I say looking up at him. He smiles at me.

“Like I said, useless information. National Geographic or something.” He walks back to where I bumped into him and gets a blanket that he had in the spot. He brings it back to where I’m standing and lays it on the sand. We sit there, me snuggled between his legs, watching the turtles on their trek to the sea.

“You were just back there watching me?” I ask. I feel him nod.

“I woke up and you were gone. After the last couple of nights, I had a good idea where you were,” he says, softly.

“Nowhere else for me to go,” I respond, watching two little turtles crawl over each other to get to their destination. They’re almost all completely out of sight now.

“I see you struggling. I want to help you… but I don’t know how,” he says, kissing my shoulder.

“There’s not much that you can do right now except… be there,” I say wrapping my arms around myself as the last of the baby turtles disappear into the ocean. “They made it,” I say, softly.

“Yep, they did.” He rests his head on my shoulder. “We just saw the beginning of life. I hadn’t planned on that. Pretty remarkable, huh?”

“Yes, it was,” I giggle a little.

“What’s funny?” He says.

“I can’t even begin to think what would have happened if I had been sitting on the nest! I would have shit myself, Christian,” I say laughing and he laughs with me. “That was pretty remarkable, though,” I add.

“I think the beginning of life from you is going to be much more remarkable than this,” he says, softly. My breath catches as I look over my shoulder at him.

“You do?” I say, just above a whisper.

“Astounding!” he breathes.

“Astounding?” I repeat in wonder, turning more to face him.

“Exponentially,” he whispers. Way to make my ovaries burst, Grey! I reach up to his face and plant a deep kiss on his lips. I want to feed my soul to him in this kiss… make him feel what he makes my heart feel. I think it works because he sinks one hand into my hair and put the other arm around me, pulling me to my knees in front of him and returning my kiss with deep fever and passion. I whimper into his mouth as I cup his beautiful face in my hands. I pull away from him and sit back on my feet. I untie the halter of my dress and let it fall into my lap, exposing my breast and the top half of my body. Christian never takes his eyes off of mine.

“You’ll get cold,” he says, softly.

“You’ll keep me warm,” I reply. “Touch me, Christian.” My voice is soft and needy, more than I expected. We haven’t been intimate for a few days and I need his touch now… desperately. He put his hands on my torso and slowly move them up my sides and down my back. I shiver at his touch and close my eyes.

“Are you cold?” he asks. I shake my head.

“No. No, I’m not cold.” I say, as I open the remaining buttons on his shirt. His breath hitches when I place my lips over his scars and began to kiss him tenderly, sensuously. Almost immediately his hand goes to my brand and he begins to lovingly stroke my scars. I feel so much emotion I almost can’t take it.

“Butterfly,” he whispers, his eyes closed as I plant open-mouthed kisses over his chest. I gently push him down onto the blanket and move to his nipples, biting and licking them like he does mine.

“Ah!” he breathes when I sink my teeth into his nipple, clenching his hands on my waist, still caressing my brand.

“Baby…” I feel his erection stiffen in his shorts under me. I want him inside me, I need him inside me. I trail my mouth down his chest, his torso and his abs. I feel his stomach tremble as I lick his belly button. I can tell he’s letting me set the pace. So, I use my lips and teeth to apply sensual pressure to his penis through his shorts.

“Ah! Ugh!” he moans, and his hands immediately tangle in my hair. His breathing is heavy, and his bulge is getting bigger and bigger. I undo his shorts and let his erection spring free, and I immediately take it in my mouth. He gasps loudly and thrusts his hips forward.

“My God, Ana!” His head is back, and his mouth is open, gasping for precious air. His body is hungry. His sex is hungry. If I keep this up, he won’t last long. I can tell. I release his shaft from my mouth, and he’s panting. I pull my dress up above my thighs and crawl up to him. Positioning myself over him, I slowly slide my sex over his shaft, relishing the feeling of him inside me.

“Ah! Ooooooooooo!” I moan, attempting to control myself as I feel I’ll come any moment from the fullness. Christian is still controlling his breathing while clutching to my thighs and I know that the feeling is just as exquisite for him as it is for me. I take a few deep breaths, then put my hands on his chest to steady myself as I begin to move. A small groan comes from Christian’s mouth and he bites his lip. I lean down and release his lip from his teeth and kiss him there, taking that lip into my mouth and sucking it gently. He groans again and wraps his arms around me, matching my strokes and creating a perfect, delicious rhythm. I thrust my hands in his hair and adjust my legs so that they are hugging his body as I ride him.

The birds are singing above us; the waves are playing a ballad, gently caressing the shore and taking our turtles out to sea; the breeze playfully brushes against our skin and causes our hair to do a delicate dance; and the sun only barely threatens to peek over the horizon… all as I make love to my man on the beach.


I lay cradled in Christian’s arms as he gently strokes my hand. We have both found our release several times this morning… on the beach, on the patio, in the Jacuzzi, and finally in the bed in our master suite.

“Do you need to sleep?” he asks, his voice deeply sated.

“Uh-uh,” I respond, caressing his arm and equally content.

“Do you want to get up?”

“Not yet,” I purr.

“You want to talk?” he asks.


“I’ve been thinking about the aquarium.” Oh, boy. “I think I have a solution that you might like. I know that you had a wonderful time snorkeling today, and that made me happy. Something occurred to me though.”

“What’s that?” I ask.

“I don’t want to bring back bad memories for you, least of all about that fucker David, but I see how you are so drawn to the water when you can’t sleep. So, I was thinking that instead of getting an aquarium, why not get a fountain… maybe a waterwall with a pool like the one we saw at DaVida’s?” Oh my God, that’s a fantastic idea! “If you want to put some exotic fish in the pool later, you can. If you don’t, you don’t have to. What do you think?” I lay on my back and look into his eyes.

“You really like me, don’t you, Mr. Grey?” I say softly and playfully. His lips turn up in a boyish smile.

“Very much, Ms. Steele. In fact, I love you,” he responds, rubbing his nose along mine. “So, I take it the waterwall is a good idea?”

“It’s a wonderful idea, Christian.” I coo before pulling him in for a kiss.

“Now, we must get out of bed,” he says. “I have something that I want to do today before lunch.”

We’re instructed to dress for vigorous water activities. I don an electric blue one-piece halter swimsuit with a plunging oval neckline and a simple black cover-up. Gail wears an Emma Cook black one-piece with shell designs and a white skater dress as a cover-up. The gentlemen wear T-shirts and Bermuda shorts with their swimwear underneath and we’re off to an unknown location. After a very short drive across the island to Bowling Point, I see a very large square dock in the water about a mile away. Off in the distance you can see a beautiful view of St. Marteen. I soon discover that the dock is actually a pen as I’m shocked to see dolphins jumping inside. I can’t help thinking to myself how cool it was that I could see the dolphins from here. That’s when Jason parks the car and I get a good look at where we are. The sign reads:

Swim with the dolphins here on Anguilla”
“Dolphin Discovery”
“The experience of a lifetime”

“No way!” I exclaim, excited. We get to swim with the dolphins? Oh my God, I think I’m going to faint.

I can hardly wait to get out of the car. I’m too excited to function. Gail looks a little unnerved by the idea, but I’m so happy I could just burst. We meet the manager Alejandro Raygoza who welcomes us to the dolphin experience and shows us where to change. Once the gentlemen are out of their street clothes and in their swimwear, we’re given our life jackets and taken by shuttle to the dolphin pen, which is only two minutes away.

Alejandro tells us the history of the experience which is all pretty dull to me until he starts talking about the dolphins. All four dolphins were born in captivity, but our two dolphins—Lilo and Colby—were born here in Anguilla. It turns out that dolphins born in captivity get lonely without human companionship because that’s what they have become accustomed to. I didn’t know that. I always felt like dolphins were trained and forced to entertain humans. It turns out that they actually enjoy it.

We have to walk to the end of a very long boardwalk where the dolphin trainers and the veterinarian await us. Alejandro checks our life jackets to be sure that they’re secure. What he doesn’t know was that Dom Extraordinaire Christian Grey strapped me into my life jacket, so I was probably the most secure person on the dock!

“Good surprise, Butterfly?” Christian says to me as I watch the beautiful creatures swim around in the clear turquoise water.

“Excellent surprise, baby!” I exclaim, squeezing his hand tightly. Gail is still looking a little sickly about the whole thing. I take her hand.

“It’ll be fine. You’ll love it. Don’t worry,” I comfort. She tries to smile, but I can tell that she’s still truly very terrified. She’ll warm up to the idea once she gets in with the dolphins… if she gets in with the dolphins.

Christian, Chuck, and I descend the metal stairs onto an underwater grate where we can watch the dolphins more closely before we interact with them. Gail stays timidly on the boardwalk and Jason stays with her, not wanting to leave her alone. I watch as our graceful hosts give us a wonderful show full of flips and tricks to begin our experience.

“Oh, Christian, they’re beautiful!” I exclaim. “Have you ever seen anything more exquisite in your life?”

“As a matter of fact, I have,” he replies. I look up at him and he’s gazing lovingly into my eyes. Go figure—only Christian Grey could make even a dolphin experience romantic. Once the dolphins finish their ballet, it’s time for us to get up close and personal with them. I can hardly wait. Max is the primary trainer assigned to us at this time, and I want to make sure that I follow his instructions carefully, but I’m chomping at the bit to touch one of those dolphins… so I do! Max instructs me to swim further into the pen. When I do, Lilo swims right over to me and raises her head out of the water allowing me to touch her skin. It felt almost like rubber. I’m so excited by the experience that I bounce up and down in the water like a schoolgirl. To my surprise, Lilo begins bouncing, too!

“Oh my God, really?” I squeal, enthralled by this creature mimicking my motions.

“Dance. She’ll dance with you,” Max says. Might as well. I begin to do a few moves in the water and, once again, Lilo mimics my moves as much as she can to not have arms and legs.

“Oh my God, this is fabulous!” I squeal again. Christian and Chuck are having a great laugh at my expense, but I don’t care. This is one of the most exciting and thrilling experiences of my life. Not many people get to say that they traveled to an exotic island paradise and swam with the dolphins.

Christian, of course, isn’t going to let me have all the fun. He follows Alejandro’s instructions to stand with a dolphin on either side of him. With a few sounds from Max’s whistle, Lilo and Colby were underneath Christian’s feet, pushing him at a fair rate of speed—enough to split the water as they moved forward.

The look on Christian’s face is priceless. He looks like a kid with a new toy, his arms stretched out in front of him like Superman. It’s one of the most adorable things I have ever seen—that is, until the dolphins pick up speed, come up out of the water and launch Christian about 2 ½ to 3 feet into the air. He flails for about a millisecond, then quickly recovers, landing in the water with all the grace the embodies Christian Grey.

Show off.

“That was fantastic!” I yell as he emerges from the water and swims over to me.

“You like that, baby?” he says.

“I love it, it was wonderful!”

“Why don’t you try it?” Uh, I don’t know about all of that. Although I like seeing someone launched into the air by these glorious and powerful creatures, I can’t say that doing it is my idea of fun.

“Why don’t you try the dorsal swim?” Max asks.

“What’s that?” I ask.

“Much less intimidating than the foot push. Come on, I’ll show you.” Max goes to the center of the pen and holds his hands out flat over the water. With a signal from his whistle, the dolphins come up on either side of him and he grabs the dorsal fin of each dolphin. Away they go around the pen, taking Max with them on a high-speed ride. When his ride is over, I’m concerned about the discomfort that the dolphins may be feeling with people holding onto their fins that way.

“Well, first,” Max begins, “you’re lighter underwater, so it’s not as much weight as you would think. Second, their dorsal fins are very strong. I can guarantee that they can take the weight that we put on them. Rest assured, we would never do anything that would cause harm to come to the dolphins,” he says with a reassuring smile. After being assured that my inexperience and weight would not harm the dolphins, I follow Max’s instructions and I’m soon being pulled around the pen by Lilo and Colby. Max was right—the dolphins are very strong, and they move very fast! In no time, I find myself squealing in delight once again. It’s an awesome ride.

As time passes, Gail becomes a little jealous of all the fun that we’re having, so she decides to descend the stairs with her husband and see what all the fuss is about. I swim over to them for moral support while Christian and Chuck look on, occasionally petting Lilo as she swims past them. Colby swims over to Gail, who almost loses her nerve and nearly jumps out of the water again. I swim behind Colby and, at the prompting of her trainer, Colby allows me to pet her while Gail watches.

“Go ahead, Mrs. Taylor,” Max encourages. “I promise she won’t hurt you.” Gail cautiously sticks her hand out and pets Colby’s nose. The dolphin bobs her head in and out of the water in a nod and lets out a dolphin “laugh,” eliciting a little giggle from Gail. I can’t help but join in her laughter as she interacts more and more with Colby—petting her, shaking her hand, even allowing Colby to kiss her on the cheek—but she’s not up for any of the tricks that the rest of us are trying.

I see Chuck do the last trick with Lilo and I decide that I want to try it, too—the dolphin belly ride. The dolphin lies on its back and glides gracefully through the water while you hold onto their flippers. Effectively, you’re belly-to-belly with the aquatic empresses coasting casually through the water. Because it’s a more subdued activity, I’m able to convince Gail to do it… but only once. I just couldn’t imagine her coming to this fantastic experience and not be able to at least get one true idea of what it’s like to actually swim with the dolphins. While Christian does the foot push several times, this is my preferred mode of dolphin transport.

After a couple of hours of interaction with two of the Caribbean Sea’s most graceful creatures, it’s time for us to say goodbye. I’m a little disappointed to be leaving my newfound friends behind, especially after the exhilarating morning I had with them. They shake our hands and give us dolphin kisses as I reluctantly pull myself from the water and back onto the platform. Since she finally warmed to the whole dolphin idea, I think even Gail is a little sad to be leaving. We go back to the office and the adjoining showers where we rinse the salt water from our hair, then change back into our cover-ups and the gentlemen in their street clothes. From there, we decide to see what souvenirs there are of our swim with the dolphins.

The souvenir shop is mostly full of trinkets and T-shirts. I grab a couple of T-shirts for the sake of having them and a key chain to go on my purse. Everything else is mostly tchotchke and knickknacks that would get lost in the dust of yesteryear. As I’m looking at the various this and thats, I’m stopped in my tracks by a very unique snow globe.

What the hell!?

I do a double-take at the snow globe of the… er, mating dolphins. At first, I thought my eyes were deceiving me! Alas, they definitely are were not.

The dolphins are fucking!

I have to call Christian over to see this. I can’t believe they’re actually selling this in the souvenir shop—where families come. It’s appalling and hilarious at the same time. He, too, does a double-take before he burst out laughing.

“Oh, I must have that!” he exclaims as he removes it from the shelf. I gasp.

“Exactly where do you plan on putting that thing?” I ask, slightly appalled.

“I don’t know, but I’m buying it!” he laughs as he continues to browse. My husband is crazy.

Come again?
What did you just think?
That my husband is crazy! He is!
Who’s crazy?
My hus…

Whoa! I’m getting carried away… I have to get a grip on this. Damn Christian for his nocturnal confessions! What if I do that out loud? I’ve only known this man for a month!
Actually is closer to two.
Even so, he’s not my husband.
But he did give you a promise ring and he did ask you to marry him.
That was in his sleep. He’s still not my husband! We’re not even engaged!
That’s a formality, and you know it. It’s a foregone conclusion. He wants to be with you forever and you with him. 
Oh, please stop. He may wake up tomorrow and decide that the new, crazy me is too much for him and send me packing along with all of my emotional baggage.
I wouldn’t count on it.

Keep hope alive.

“Butterfly?” Christian is standing in front of me trying to get my attention.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I say, promptly ending that ridiculously hopeful debate with the Bitch. “What were you saying?”

“Where were you just now?” he asks concerned. I roll my eyes and throw my hands in the air, more perturbed at myself than anything.

“Off in Never-Never Land, trust me.” I say sarcastically… the world where all of your unrealistic childhood dreams come true. I throw a sideways glance at him. “Screwing dolphins,” I say, shaking my head and mimicking disgust. He chuckles a bit.

“You were thinking about screwing dolphins?” he asks incredulously, his voice full of mirth.

“I was thinking about screwing something,” I say seductively, throwing a look over my shoulder and walking away without stopping. His not-so-silent gasp lets me know that I affected him.

I smile to myself as I continue to the photo kiosk to see pictures of our dolphin adventure. Oh, I love the pictures of Christian and the foot push. He looks so carefree and happy. As a matter fact, so do I… and the pictures of Jason lovingly holding Gail around the waist while she trepidatiously reaches out to touch the dolphin. That’s a priceless reminder of the week they got married. I purchase three copies of all the pictures. We can distribute them how we like later, but I want one of everything—including the one of Chuck flying through the air, his arms flailing like a madman.

“What are you doing? Put that away,” Christian says as he sees me present my credit card to pay for the pictures. I just smile. This trip is on him… no need to assert my independence here.

“Yes, dear,” I say, putting my card back in my purse. His eyes become hooded and he pushes me against the kiosk.

“Why did those two words just make me hard?” he says gently kissing my neck. Oh, God, Christian, not here.

“I don’t know, but there are children here, so please don’t make me drip,” I say closing my eyes.

“Fuck, Ana,” he says, one hand squeezing my hip, the other squeezing my ass. “Make you drip!? Shit!” he says as he bites the wing of my shoulder. Oh, hell. My breathing increases and I bite my lip to keep from crying out.

“Christian, pleeeeease,” I implore him, “Not here.” He moves his hands up to my waist and grants me a temporary reprieve while he plants and open-mouthed kiss on my neck then my cheek before looking me in the eyes.

“Don’t ever say that in public again,” he warns, “or I won’t be held responsible for my actions.” I can do nothing but nod. If he tried to fuck me right now, I just might let him.

“Okay,” I say, just above a whisper as he plants a quick but delicious kiss on my lips. I bite my lip when he pulls back.

“Don’t do that either,” he says with a sensual growl, and I quickly release my lip. “You join the others. I’ll get the pictures and try to tame the raging hard-on.” I giggle and kiss him on his lips gently.

“Sorry,” I laugh.

“Not yet, you’re not. But I’ll expect restitution later,” he says as he winks at me. I try not to react, but it’s no use. He affects me as much as I affect him.

We all pay for our trinkets and souvenirs and go in search of lunch.

A/N: Reference to the “Dory” fish and the clown fish named Nemo comes from the movie Finding Nemo.

The movie where the girl lost her memory in the car accidents is 50 First Dates. It’s considered either a date movie or a chick flick because even though it’s kind of funny, I consider it really romantic.

The mummy movie Ana is talking about is where the scarabs come out of the ground is The Mummy Returns with Rachel Weisz and Brendan Fraser.

How about I’m cheering while I’m watching the video of the turtles coming out of the nest? And then I’m cheering while I’m watching videos of the turtles catching a wave and going out to sea.

Okay, so a lot happened in this chapter so there is a GAGGLE of pictures on Pinterest for you to see. Make sure you check them out at 

You can join my mailing list on the “Contact Me” page.  Just click the link and it will lead you to a form to join the list.

~~love and handcuffs


2 thoughts on “Paging Dr Steele: Chapter 58: Fun Times… Finally!

  1. Donna Murray-Hill says:

    omg what a romantic, thrilling chapter, loved it all you are one true amazing writer xxxxxxxxx

  2. jjgoldmann says:

    Won’t it be nice is people were as strong as she is and as kind. Loved the chapter.

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