What Was The Name Of That Story Again (Out of the mouth of “Ana”)?


As the next chapter of our story will be posted here tomorrow, I wanted to address one of the biggest issues that I see is a concern of most of my beloved readers. I am still posting on that other site that shall not be mentioned, but they get the story a day later, and if I ever have time to do a bonus chapter, they won’t get it. So they will be a chapter behind. They will also not get the benefits of the extra posts (like this one) that I do over here on my blog as I plan to keep author’s notes over there to a minimum, but I am happy that I can talk to you all over here. 😉

The name of this post is “What was the name of that story again?” The reason why I had to ask that question is because I found myself defending Ana’s behavior and then simultaneously referring several readers to that response so that I didn’t have to keep defending it. At least over here, people’s concerns are voiced well and at the very worst, some readers may be bemused or frustrated with Ana’s behavior — which I totally get. You know that on that other site, the reviews are downright disrespectful and brutal of Ana’s behavior. I even deleted one review that said that my Ana should just do us all a favor and kill herself… and they wonder why I’m moving. Nonetheless, I did have one beloved reader over here — even in the midst of her frustration — remind me of something that even I had forgotten for a moment, and I wanted to share it with all of you.

Broken 02I really hope that in our reading, we remember that we are reading a story called MENDING Dr. Steele. The title in and of itself indicates that something is wrong with Dr. Steele. I don’t know about any of you, but any time that I had to mend from something, it was a tiresome, painful, worrisome process. I am miserable when I am not well, and I usually make everyone around me miserable — and that’s when it’s something physical. Imagine if it’s something emotional. If you’ve never had to deal with being emotionally broken, congratulations… Because it’s the worst feeling in the world. There is no peace. You just want the pain to stop. I had a guest reviewer named Hermoine say that Ana should just kill herself, and I really wanted to jump through the screen and choke her because of how inconsiderate she was to the character. I have known many people suffering from clinical depression and I have had my own experiences with it as well in the past. For someone to say something like that is a perfect example of how people with that illness are treated. The inability to deal with life’s woes has resulted in suicide, homicide, murder/suicide, mass shootings, just to name a few. I even addressed that issue here with Franklin Whitmore’s reaction to the turn his life had taken. Though Ana is not clinically depressed, she is struggling for all she is worth to deal with all of this shit that is coming at her. I think you would probably do best hearing this from Ana’s point of view, so I’ll let her speak now. I’m going to put myself in Ana’s shoes–and I want you to try to do that, too.

An Address From Dr. Steele:
First of all, thank you all for listening to me and for following this crazy journey that I am on. I don’t know if you’ll ever understand what I am feeling, but here goes anyway. A quick address for what happened at the wedding with Elena… most of the real women I know worth their salt would have killed that bitch a long time ago. I told her to stay the hell away from us with a threat of bodily harm and she even has a restraining order against her. Yet, she still doesn’t seem to get the picture. Then, I come out of my father’s wedding to find my boyfriend with lipstick all over his face? That’s enough to make me catch a case all by itself, but then I look over your shoulder to see the very woman that has been trying to make my life a living hell for the last six months smirking at me and wearing the same lipstick? The very least that I could do was go back to that wedding, have a few drinks, and dance my ass off. Call me to task later about who I’m dancing with (which by the way are all my family and friends except for “Colostomy” — and even he is a friend of the family), what someone says to me and my boyfriend, or me not being able to kiss him because all I’m trying to do right now is not ruin my father’s wedding. However, people seemed to want me to process it all, be okay with it, and act like everything is honky dory within the next hour or so and I’m sorry — that’s just not going to happen. My boyfriend let me know how he felt several hours later… even he didn’t take the chance of ruining my father’s wedding. I handled things the best way that I could without running out of that wedding and getting arrested. So how about you cut me some slack that I wasn’t the perfect little party girl with my boyfriend?

Broken 04Let’s move on to the shrinking and shutting down. Again, a defense mechanism. We all have them. Those are mine. Maybe not the best, no, which my boyfriend has brought to my attention. Hell, I didn’t even realize I was doing it, but I think I am more sensitive about being so vigorously confronted for it. Most women get quiet when they are upset. Some of us yell and scream, but most of us — when we are really pissed — we shut the fuck up. Forgive me if I exhibit that a little more than I should, but even when I was doing my best not to shut down on him during our talk after Maxie dumped me, I was still hearing “you’re holding something back; why are you mad at him; why are you blaming him?” No matter how many times I said, “I’m not mad at him and I’m not blaming him,” I was still hearing that. Understand that there are only a few reactions anyone can have to being angry:

1) You shut down…
2) You blow up…
3) You cry…
4) You kill somebody…
5) You kill yourself…
6) You act like nothing is wrong…
7) You try to deal with it…
8) You smile and everybody really thinks you’re crazy…

Since I’ve been talked about for doing 1 and 3, I’m trying not to do 2, 4, or 5, I can’t do 8, I tried to do 6 at the wedding, now I’m trying to do 7… and I still hear “you’re holding something back; why are you mad at him; why are you blaming him?” You do realize that puts me in a “no-win” situation, right? Oh, one more small piece of logic to chew on… For those of you who, no matter how many times I said that I wasn’t mad at him still thought that I was punishing Christian, is it so hard to see that even though he never told Maxie that she should stop being my therapist, she still could have gotten that idea from him… which means that it actually could have been his fault that she quit? I’m not saying “yea” or “nay” on that one, but it’s just something to think about.

Broken 06I sincerely apologize for not being so well adjusted that all of the crazy crap that has happened to me — which has been outlined every time someone thinks I “behave badly” — has caused me not to be as well-adjusted as people seem to think I should be because I am a grown woman and a mental health professional. The first person who can inform the human race how not to react badly or somewhat irrationally when something horrible happens to them is going to get the Nobel Peace Prize because you have just solved 90% of the world’s problems and all of the world’s wars. In the meantime, until I get that magic elixir or ever-so-coveted solution, I’m most likely going to have a less than stellar reaction to being angry, hurt, or upset.

I also ask that while you take this particular journey with me, that you refer to the description of the story that you have chosen to read which says, “After the Edward David situation, Ana struggles to find peace, happiness, and closure in her life.” I sincerely hope that you didn’t read that description expecting to find a different story. I have dealt with trauma, disappointment, abandonment, brutality, and some downright difficult things happen to me that would have driven a lesser woman to drugs and alcohol, promiscuity, a life of crime, or suicide. Yet, I went into mental health instead and people are still wondering why I’m not Mother Teresa. SMH…

Broken 03So from here on out, I’m going to continue to be the imperfect Dr. Steele, who is still struggling with these feelings of abandonment and trauma and trust and… etc, etc, etc… and we’ll see what happens to me in the end. However, if you can’t deal with the angst of that journey, you should probably stop reading now, because I still have a long way to go. Will it be all angst and heartache and trouble and drama? No, but there will be some angst, heartache, trouble, and drama. Will I continue to behave badly? Most likely — not all the time, but I’m most likely still going to behave badly. I’m still learning to deal with everything that has happened to me and I’m still working on it — just like he had to work on it. He was commended for working on his emotions and I’m being chastised! And for crying out loud, people sometimes PEE IN THE BED when they are having bad dreams… try not to judge me for shrinking in my sleep!

Thank you and I hope to see you soon…
Dr. A.R. Steele

Broken 05


41 thoughts on “What Was The Name Of That Story Again (Out of the mouth of “Ana”)?

  1. seralynsmom says:

    As a person who has not only dealt with depression in my own life but has had a friend and family member commit suicide I want to find out where that Hermione person is and not just slap her I want to beat her!!!! Depression is devastating to not just the person feeling it but the ppl left to deal with any possible aftermath!!! My stepmoms cousins son hung himself in their garage and his mom is the one who found him! Imagine how she felt and then put Christian (a fictional character) in her shoes!! How dare that obviously damaged human being ( loosely use this term) tell you to have Ana kill herself!!! It’s not a booboo you can just slap a band aide on a go back to the happy as well as can be adjusted person before hand!! She watched a video of herself being brutally beaten and left for dead while the baby inside her did die and then the one person she can really talk to about it quits on her and her BF was kissed by another woman he had a sexual relationship with and you think she should be all sunshine and roses after that? Puhlease!!! I’m willing to go through the angst if it means in the end they can truly be healed and happy!!

  2. crazy4bam says:

    I think the way you have writteh Ana and how she handles all the shit she has gone through is just great. I think you are doing a great job all around.

  3. mrsctgrey says:

    I’m a person who has had depression for almost 20 years even though this is a fictional story it still pisses me off and I would be raging if someone actually said that to me or someone I cared about. The nerve of people shouldn’t really surprise me but sometimes I still get struck by it. It’s a shame that there are people who are so vile they spew their shit into a fictional story. I say they are the fucked up ones. I really liked this little eye opener from Ana, I don’t think I’ve seen another FF writer do this. It’s a different view from just having her POV in the story. Nicely done!

  4. elena says:

    I took this as mine long time ago: non ti curar di loro ma guarda e passa. More or less don’t care about the other but take a look and move on. Now I could be very different from you, think of a different reaction from Ana, but I like the story, I like the way you write (best lemmon ever btw) so the statement for evryone is very simple: you don’t like it=don’tcread it. you like it= read respect and enjoy. Lol Elena (not Lincoln at all)

  5. veronica says:

    Love it! I don’t comment much but i love this story line and have never understood why you get so much flack about it. To me its a story and not a true one so the things they go through, while i do care since i am reading, i can take the twist n turns without getting upset. But thats just my 2 cents i guess. Lol

  6. Lindsay says:

    I think you are doing a great job! I think people need to remember this is FICTION!!! Keep up the great work!!
    I do ask one thing of you…. I do miss the word count on your chapters. The other site always had the word count. I don’t if it is just me but the word count would let me know if I had enough time to read the entire chapter. Just a thought/suggestion! Again keep up the great work!

  7. Trudylyn says:

    I have to say that I think that you are a fantastic writer and really enjoy your story, what I don’t understand is, why would anyone put down your story and say that Ana should kill herself??? I think that said person has their own emotional pain and is projecting on you… Which is really sad to think about! But enough about them and more about you!!
    As I said I love your story and have connected with different aspects of the story… And so love the authors note on the non-mentionable place, lol.
    As always can’t wait for the next update!!!
    Take care

  8. ljb2 says:

    Ma’am…yes ma’am…

    Not that it matters, Maxine should be ashamed of herself. Grey asked her if she wanted to have that conversation with him and she consented.

    The conversation being Maxine’s wake-up call is entirely possible: only you can say for sure. I went back and read their chat. I believe I found where Maxine got the impression Grey was telling her to take a step back. In my mind, she handled her “friend/patient” relationship poorly.

    I’m still ticked at her for her boarderline HIPAA violation with her comments to Grey about his interaction with Steele when she was in outer space.


    Thanx for listening…thanx for sharing your talent…

    laters baby 😏

    • Now that’s an interesting statement. I’m curious as to how you think Maxie’s statements may have/did/nearly did qualify as a HIPPA violation. Tell me (don’t laugh, I can make a storyline out of nearly anything. 😉 )

  9. mkloesel5 says:

    Well said. I agree with seralynsmom, that person who said Ana should kill herself should be slapped & is a very weak & selfish person. As someone who has had to deal with depression herself & a family member commit suicide due to their own demons. I know all to well about the coping & as for your list here. This is how I deal with things I start with 3, then 2, & while doing 6 & 7, will be doing 1 but acting like 8 (in a way) all while just thinking about 4 or 5. EVERYONE deals in different ways. This is YOUR story & you should be able to write it the way you feel. Your story is my favorite story as a fan fiction. You should never have to justify what you have written. You are just using the characters names & putting your own spin on them. I think that is why I love this story. They are different from the original. With all that said…keep on keeping on. Can’t wait for next chapter. I so look forward to Saturdays. ❤

    • seralynsmom says:

      And I agree with you!! By far my favorite fanfic!!!! BG There will always be trolls cause you can’t make everyone happy but clearly some ppl are a little more trollish than others!!

  10. Christian618 says:

    Interesting information and explanation on what has been going on in the last two chapters. As for Maxi I think she is being manipulative towards Ana. I don’t think Christian asked her to quit. I think she feels guilty she might have let Ana down or she might be down right jealous. Who knows but as the story progresses we shall see.

  11. Sheri Denney says:

    I’m livid that someone would say Ana should just kill herself. What that person doesn’t understand is, someone may be reading this story feeling just like Ana & then reads a comment like that. That could push her over the edge. I too have family members & close friends with depression. Not to mention my youngest cousin hung himself & a good friends son also commited suicide. So I don’t think it’s something to be taken lightly.
    Im sorry, I don’t always know what to say so I don’t review or just leave a thank you. But I really do appreciate all you do to bring us this story. Thank you so much.

  12. lovesfiftyshades says:

    …truly amazed…this really is not fiction…somewhere Dr. Ana Steele lives and my heart is breaking for her and I can’t help the tears that I shed for her right now…I will be forever grateful for meeting Dr. Steele and for sharing in her journey. I too would like to join the others who wish to do bodily harm to those who take what you have written and shared from your soul and try to ruin it with their reviews and opinions. I am so glad you are sharing from your blog…so glad to hear directly from Ana today…and please Dr. Steele, accept my apologies on behalf of those people who don’t deserve to be allowed to know you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your story with us. I can’t wait to hear from you again.

  13. Jeannette says:

    Thank you for this it explains a lot even though it don’t matter what you write, I think it’s all great ;))))

  14. Natalie says:

    As someone who has and still does suffer from severe depression because of things that have happened to me in my past I thing the strength that Ana has in this story is unbelievable. Her natural reaction to shut down or shrink is something I can relate to, and it’s incredibly hard for those around you that love you. Her reactions and behaviours to me are something I would have expected from someone who has been through what she has been through and then some. As for the ignorant idiot who suggested Ana kills herself she is disgusting and I’m appalled that she or anyone would suggest that. I think Ana is a strong amazing woman who like the title of the story says is MENDING and it’s to be expected that she will have breakdowns and break troughs throughout the mending process it’s only natural. Anyway that’s how i feel and I personally wish I could have dealt with my demons and heartbreak and tragedy the way that Ana has x

  15. Sophie says:

    You go, girl! Never a dull moment in Lynn’s world. How original of you to add this POV in this manner You are the bestest!
    Thank you.
    Sophie Dixon

    And please don’t let the haters get you down if any follow you here. First of all, even on “the other site” they were only a tiny minority. Plus, they gave you grounds for your incredible comebacks which are as good, and sometimes better, than your story. Always entertaining. It makes you even more wonderful and lively and real, if that’s possible, and connects you to your readers in a uniquely personal way. I’m so glad I found you and your stories.

  16. Laney says:

    I hadn’t experienced dealing with depression until a series of events left my husband sorely unable to cope with what life had thrown at him. 
    Only then were my eyes opened up to what depression and not being able to cope can actually do to a person. 
    We’ve had ups and downs, but all of the above has made me realise there are two camps of people; those who have experienced this pain themselves, either through their own depression or a family member or friend, and who realise the effects; and then those that never have, either personally or through another, and it’s those people that seem to have their heads firmly stuck in the ground.
    I had one friend, well I thought she was a close friend, who actually laughed in my face when I tried to tell her about my husbands troubles, because in her words, all he had to do was buck up his ideas, apparently he wasn’t the ‘sort’ to be depressed, he had too strong a character.
    I wouldn’t wish the hurt and pain of the experience of depression on anyone, but it’s opened my eyes to how even the strongest of characters can be brought to their knees when things just all get too much.
    You write amazingly, your story is so richly woven and intricate, and the pains and emotions are so amazingly life like.  I don’t know where the story is headed, but id be surprised if you weren’t able to help people find some clarity through the writing of your Ana.
    Thank you for your words.

    • Thank you, Laney. I’m glad (and not so glad) that someone could see where I was going in that aspect. Glad because you understand and not so glad because I’m sorry that you had to experience it with someone that you love in order to understand.

  17. Danielle says:

    Very well said! 🙂

  18. AnnahD says:

    Whoever said Ana needs to kill themselves really is a very sad person. I balk at saying anyone should kill themselves there has been so much going on outside the world of stories and fan fiction. You have teens, adults committing suicide. That’s not an easy thing to deal with. It tears an entire family apart. It ruins others lives, they are never the same again.

    And this she-thing reviewer thinks that you need to kill off Ana. Ugh, if she doesn’t like something, doesn’t agree, don’t comment. Because by saying that she’s telling you to stop writing because she thinks you’re horrible and that’s just NOT true. Your PDS and MDS are two of my favorite stories. I have a few others I enjoy but each week I look over here for a chapter and so do many others. People like that she-thing reviewer, they’re not worth the time of day. Honestly, they’re the people who want a Disney story with no angst, no heartache. That’s just not realistic. People have pain, they have emotion, and they have to wrestle with their issues. That journey is what makes a story great.

    Thank you for your writing. I look forward to more to come! 🙂

    P.S. Nice POV on Ana, I enjoyed reading her address to readers!

  19. cindav says:

    This was very well done. I have seen other writers I like on that other site sadly end their stories bc of the viscous or just plain crazy reviews they get. It seems with this psychotic behavior that is now just called bullying.
    Im in my 30s so in the last few years i have heard of kids killing themselves over bullying and at first i thought well maybe they are not as resilient as we use to be.
    But this faceless bashing on a public forum is new to me, i dont participate in it and have never had it aimed at me. but can see how it would affect an adult let alone a teenager. im just glad i grew up and did all my stupid shit before FB, twitter, and the like. That any jabs at me, character, looks, or decisions had to be made to my face.
    Love your story, keep doing what your doing.

  20. momalu says:

    See….This is why you are the Goddess! Who else does a chapter within a chapter. That’s what this is to me. I think of a bonus chapter as the next chapter in the story being posted before its usually scheduled time. But this chapter expounds upon what we know so far. It delves further into the why and how of Ana’s struggling to cope with the hand life dealt her. People are as complicated as life itself. And even though this is a fictional story, everyone reading it can most likely draw parallels to people and situations in their own lives. Who hasn’t seen the stories in the headlines of girls being kidnapped and tortured and held prisoner in filthy squalor conditions, or know, or read of someone being driven to suicide by their demons. So fictional, or not, everyone can relate. And let’s face it, if everyone acted perfectly fine it wouldn’t be much of a story, now, would it? The person who thinks Ana should kill herself needs to get a grip! She’s so out of touch.

    Thanks Bronzy, for once again thinking outside the box. You’re amazing!!!

  21. telcontari71 says:

    Really I struggle to understand some readers. I have been following this story very closely and I found nothing strange about Ana’s behavior. All the emotions and her coping mechanism are appropriate. We cope with things as best as we can, and you portray Ana’s character so well, with a lot of insight and lot of personal life experience.

    I love Ana & CG’s character as you have written them and just go with it. Don’t take I love what you write and how your characters have developed.

  22. DottiG says:

    That was very innovative. So glad that Ana was able to speak her mind, and state her case to the naysayers. We all are human right, even our fictional counterparts.

  23. Teresa says:

    One of the things I find most fascinating about your story is that Ana is as much of a nut case as Christian! Instead of the burden of healing falling squarely on Ana’s shoulder -like in the original- your story have them healing each other ( at least that’s what I am getting out of it ) and in my opinion it makes for a much more balance- or unbalance as they are both head cases- relationship! And I love that even though they are dealing with issues – understatement here- their love IS healing them! Is a lovely story! PS I would worry about the reader who said Ana should kill herself, if her mind went there perhaps is the reader who should consider therapy!

  24. angalarte says:

    Fantastic explanation from Ana BG, I do believe I said in my previous review that I couldn’t understand why Ana shrinks so much considering her profession, and I now feel totally ashamed of myself!!
    I seemed to forget that she is a human with emotions because she is a shrink, although I didn’t criticize her to d extent of d other reviews, I am sorry BG:-( thank u for d explanation Ana x x

  25. L says:

    Dear B; from one of your newer migrated readers – you don’t have to rationalise anything for me – I get it. I understand and appreciate the logic and realism of how their relationship is a evolving. Your story remains full of passion, change and conflict and goes over and above so many other cookie cutter meet/whirlwind engagement, wedding, pregnancy/conflict FF stories, too often left idle or incomplete. Thank you for appreciating the intelligence of your readers by demonstrating your own, while giving us an insight into your own personal journey.

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