My Big Mistake

Every so often, I will share a little bit of myself so that people will understand why I do the things that I do. Most of you already know that I do a lot of research for the stories that I write. Some of it comes from the internet, some from trial and error, some from actual interviews and other peoples’ experience, and some from my own experience. I have had quite a few people repeatedly ask one particular question about my story and the main female character…

Why won’t she just tell him that she’s ready to get married?

So I thought I would answer that with a personal experience, but first with a few facts from the story.

Our main male character (I am refraining from using names on purpose) is going through a lot of changes of his own. She wants him to be completely ready before he proposes to her. If she tells him that she is ready now, he will no doubt drop what he’s doing and propose to her. She is certain that when he feels like he is ready, he will do it. No matter how much she may want it in her heart, she will not allow her feelings to dictate when he will propose to her.

Here’s why…

When I was a much younger and less wise woman, I was in love with a man who later became my first husband. We had been together for years and I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t propose to me. It seemed the logical thing to do when he and I both claimed that we were in it for the long haul and neither of us were going anywhere. I told him that I wanted to get married and, to placate me, we set a date. The date came and went, resulting in the first time that I was jilted. I asked him what the problem was and why he had done that to me, and we set a second date… resulting in the second time that I was jilted.

This happened five more times — seven times in total. You would think that this was my cue that this was most likely not meant to be, but no, I couldn’t hear that or see what was right in front of my face. By the eighth time, he finally gave in and married me… because I was ready for it to happen.

This was the biggest mistake of my life. My daughter had already been born and was already carrying his name, so there was no need for me to marry this man. However, this is what I wanted and I made sure that he knew. By the time he did marry me, I think he did it just to placate me — again — and it turned out to be an utter disaster from beginning to end. We were married for five years. He was cheating on me before we were married, so I don’t know how many years he was actually cheating on me after we were married, but I definitely know about two years and we were separated for one year. So out of five years, we were unhappy and/or apart more time that we were happy.

NoMy main female character has my bit of wisdom in this one particular decision — do not force a man’s hand and try to make him do something before he is ready. Even though I write both characters and know that he will marry her in a second because he wants to, I have to write her point of view like she doesn’t know that… because she doesn’t. So, it’s very simple to say “why won’t she tell him? Make them get married already,” when you can see both points of view, but she can’t. She only sees her point of view, not his. She will not tell him that she is ready to marry now because he (and now, she as well) has some issues to deal with and she does not want to rush him into making a decision to placate her. She will not repeat my big mistake.

Love and handcuffs,
BG Holmes aka Bronze Goddess aka Lynn x

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30 thoughts on “My Big Mistake

  1. nik says:

    Thank you for sharing your experience. You are so strong and inspirational to so many people here including me ofcourse. At times the most obvious things are not so in the real sense. Life is more complicated than that and much more of a challenge and most of us forget that. Anyways such things are easier said than done! Kind of reminds me of that funny saying I learnt in primary – ” hurry makes a bad curry” lol

  2. Michelle B says:

    So sorry to hear that but I love your story and the pace its going because she needs to heal a lot more mentally than he do it seems

  3. Nichole says:

    I hadn’t asked but I was wondering. I understand completely. I can’t wait to read more you ROCK! I got one of my co-workers hooked on you stories too. She is starting the first one. Laters…xoxo

  4. Doreen says:

    Makes sense and well justified. Although I was hoping for a New Year’s engagement – LOL.

  5. Sophie says:

    You are so brave, giving so much of yourself.

  6. dnlnncts says:

    Wow… thank u for sharing! My husband and i have been together 15 yrs..two girls (12&13) and we will be celebrating our 2nd anniversary in march. He proposed six years after we been together… i wasnt ready cuz i kbew he wasnt. It wasnt until we were together for 12 yrs that i accepted. But we hade to hold off for another year because 2 weeks after he proposed i had broken a disc in my neck and had to have spinal surgery. It was during the rough 5 months that i saw how he truly loved me, because he took care of me and the kids and still worked hard to cover the hours i was missing at work. Well needless to say we finally married after 13 years together… so i understand in the need to be ready!

  7. Anna says:

    So sorry about your ex(I assume). I’m really glad you shared it with us and I have to say that I was wondering about Ana but now it makes sense.

  8. Teadora Morgan Hill says:

    Lynn, Make no mistake, you are a complete joy to read! A complete joy! ❤ This is going to sound funny… because you write fiction… but there is so much truth in your writing…. thank you for keeping your writing real…

    Love and a Blindfold… Isn't that how we all travel? 😉 Teadora

  9. Teresa says:

    Thanks for sharing, I guess there is a tiny bit of stubbornness in you 😉 but seriously, like I keep saying, I don’t quite understand a reader who keeps telling the writer what to write! This story is your baby- and a great story it is!- you should be able to tell it as you like! Anyone else can write their own bloody story! IKR let them try!

  10. Shelley says:

    Thank you for sharing your story, that was such a brave thing to do and I know you will have Christian propose when it is right for your characters and it will be so perfect, I think they both need a bit of peace and quiet before they get engaged so they will both remember it forever and not remember all the bad things that are happening.

  11. Rachel A says:

    Thank you for sharing your story!!! Since you have your HEA it gives me hope for mine. I’ve been changing and slowly trying to put me back together after my divorce/job loss due to health issues but you give me hope to stick up for myself from reading your rants after those trolls who leave nasty reviews. I think, what would Bronzie do? Lol love ya Lynn!

  12. contrite shadow says:

    I’m glad you’ve now found like what sounds like a good guy.

    But, seriously, seven times?;-)

  13. momalu says:

    Wow, Bronzy, you are living proof that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result! I am so sorry you had to draw from your own experience on this one. The good news is you were able to impart this valuable lesson to your children and fans. We always knew you were a wee bit insane!!

  14. Liala M coke says:

    I had no idea you went through this so thank you for keepin it real and
    Being so valiantly honest and open. And for what’s its worth, you seem incredibly happy with your husband so cheers to that and to Ana and Christian getting engaged when the time is right!

  15. leila101 says:

    Just. Wow. Definitely learned something from that.

    One of the reasons why your stories are a joy to read is that they’re actually realistic.

    Really hope that you’re happy now, you strong strong lady . =) Go girl!

  16. Nicole Desilets says:

    I love your POV it does make sense. That is why I love your story so much because it feels real.

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