If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?~~Albert Einstein
Journey of Miles—Part VI
It’s the summer of 1998. Oliver is no longer in the picture. Julia has divorced him and took him to the cleaners. He’s now doing time on the many charges he plead to for his crimes against Miles. Natalie and Maxwell have also split and quickly divorced. In addition to never being able to forgive her silence while Miles was suffering, Maxwell had caught Natalie in a compromising position and had offered her a settlement to go away quietly. He threatened to drag her endlessly and publicly through a lengthy and nasty divorce fighting for custody of his daughter if she didn’t take the settlement which included joint custody of Victoria, a one-time settlement for Natalie, child support including schooling and health insurance for his daughter, and a stipulation that Natalie would no longer carry his last name.
She begrudgingly accepted the settlement as she had little choice in the matter. However, the very last thing that Natalie planned to do was go away quietly.
She and Maxwell stayed as civil as they could tolerate for the sake of Victoria. Mostly just for the sake of being vengeful, Natalie still kept a hold on Miles. He still confides in Natalie, though none of the family knows. Their physical relationship has waned the older Miles has gotten and he is certain that she has someone else, especially since the rumor is that his father found her in bed with another man thus prompting the quick and quiet divorce. It still ached a bit and he didn’t know why. Nonetheless, he had another interest that consumed his spare time… researching as much as he could about this new lifestyle that he has discovered.
It’s been a few years since he put a name to exactly what Oliver was doing in that room. He is fascinated by it. It has helped ease the ache caused by Natalie’s callousness. He couldn’t believe that people actually willingly allowed other people to do some of this stuff to them. However, some of the activities he witnessed online or discussed in chat rooms left him extremely aroused and curious. Mostly, he has been reading and chatting with people in online chat rooms to get an idea of what the lifestyle is all about. After many conversations and lots of research referred to him by others who practice the lifestyle, he sees that it’s not as sick and disgusting as he once thought.
Miles still related the lifestyle to Oliver and could only guess what Oliver’s motivation could have been. Maybe it was just something like he liked to do… something that was attractive to him. Had Oliver tried any of this stuff with his mother? Did his mother even know that the room was there? Years after Oliver was no longer a part of their lives, the Black Room stayed intact. It was only recently that Miles drafted help from two of the trusted ranch hands to break the room down and get rid of the implements inside. He never spoke to his mother about the Black Room, so he assumed that she never knew.
How would she react knowing that he was drawn to the same tastes as his sick stepfather? He would make sure that she never found out. After all, he was certain that his reasons for being drawn to the lifestyle were different than Oliver’s. Oliver was just plain evil and sick—years of abuse and repeated sodomizing convinced Miles of that. Miles, however, was hormonal and emotional and lonely and curious…and he felt weak and vulnerable. The taboo of it made it fascinating to him, but there was so much more implied in the practice…so much more…and he was absolutely gagging to participate.
The problem was that he was only 16. There was no one who could practice with or teach a 16-year-old boy, so of course he didn’t dare tell anyone his real age or name. Names didn’t matter, though. Nobody used real names in the chat rooms anyway—they only used handles. His handle was the Pied Piper, chosen because he loved his horns—trumpets and saxophones—and he hoped that one day, he would have his own bevy of beauties following behind him. He would show Oliver. He would show Natalie, too. He would be rich and famous with women falling at his feet. He would wait patiently until he could consent to partake in the lifestyle. In the meantime, he was a sponge for information…
Toys and tools and rules and preferences…
Dominants and submissives…
Submissive vs slave…
Bondage and discipline versus sadomasochism …
Deprivation and Denial…
Soft and hard limits…
The needs of the submissive…
The many aspects of this lifestyle were endless—all based on consent and preferences. He couldn’t wait until he was able to participate.
Miles is getting taller, buffer, and more gorgeous as time passes. He is now a 6’1” mass of young man with thick gorgeous black hair, striking blue eyes, and a flawless smile… but when it comes to girlfriends, he’s like a fish out of water. He has only dated a few times and when he shares his interests, they run for the hills. One girl—Brianna—spread the vicious rumor that he was a “deviant” and completely ruined his reputation. Once again crushed, Miles went to his stepmother for comfort. She was a bit stunned not only by his striking good looks as she hadn’t seen him for a few months—seeking other conquests—but also by his latest interests. She wanted to know what this lifestyle was all about that he was raving about, a lifestyle that caused a teenage girl to call him a deviant. Her interest in young Miles is renewed and she decides to do some research of her own to determine his attraction to it—to hopefully find another way back into his life.
In the meantime, she convinced him that it didn’t matter what the girl said. If fact, this Brianna actually did him a favor. She got rid of all of the girls sniffing around him because of his family’s status, name, and money. Let Levi worry about those little sack-chasers… They were more Levi’s type anyway—college boy looking for some fun from little air-headed bimbos who would give it up to anybody…as long as he didn’t ask to tie you up and blindfold you. If they didn’t share his tastes, he shouldn’t want them anyway. He reluctantly took her advice, not knowing that she is once again grooming him for herself. It was a pain in the ass trying to tell a girl not to touch his arms anyway, he thought. Don’t ask questions, just don’t touch the damn arm… is that too hard? Apparently, it was.
Levi and Miles are very close since the discovery of Miles’ abuse. Levi was concerned about the stories going around about his little brother. A sexual deviant? Levi thought to himself. This must be a mistake. Junior Dude was sexually abused by a monster when he was a kid. There’s no way he could be taking part in deviant behavior.
“Junior Dude, what’s going on?” Levi asked during one of his many calls home from college to check on his little brother.
“What do you mean ‘what’s going on?’” Miles asked genuinely confused.
“Missy told me that her little sister heard that it’s going around North Meck that you are into some really kinky shit. What’s that all about?” Well this is just fucking great, Miles thought to himself. This shit has gotten all the way to Levi at UC-Berkeley. My life is now complete.
“Don’t pay that shit any attention, Senior Dude. This chick Brianna had a bet going with her friends that she could snag me. When I heard about it, I ditched her. Now she and her bitchy little friends are spreading rumors about me, and I really don’t care. I’ve got bigger fish to fry and I don’t have time for these catty little tarts anyway.” Miles said trying to blow off the whole situation.
“Oh? What bigger fish do you have to fry?” Dammit, Levi, Miles thought.
“Well, let’s see… the SAT’s, trying to get into college, trying to get past this Oliver shit…” All of these things were true.
“Are you still having those daymares, JD?” Levi asked concerned.
“Yeah… I’m getting a better handle on them though…” by thinking about the kinky things that I really want to do once I’m old enough to have a playmate, Miles thinks to himself!
“Really? You’re not just telling me that because I’m almost 3000 miles away and I can’t get to you to help you, are you?”
“Levi, if I were trying to hide it from you, do you think I would tell you now?” Miles says laughing at his big brother. This small joke took the edge off of the conversation, and Levi laughs too.
“No, I guess not,” Levi answers with mirth.
“I’m fine, SD, really. I just don’t have time for these girls… and they’re not happy about it. I’m going to be rich one day, you know.”
“Oh yeah, what do you plan to do?” Levi says.
“Business. I’m going to be the most successful businessman you’ve ever met!” Miles declares.
“That’s good, JD. You do that… and don’t forget your Senior Dude when you’re famous, okay?”
“Are you making fun of me, Levi?” Miles asks.
“No, I’m not. I’m dead serious. When you’re rich and famous, don’t be one of those dicks that forgets his family. Remember that we love you and we always will.” Levi has become extremely protective of his little brother in later years and he makes sure that Miles is aware of it.
“I won’t, Senior Dude. I would never forget you guys,” Miles says through a smile.
“Good. Now, I got to go. I have a chemistry test waiting for me in twenty minutes and a sexy co-ed waiting for me after!” Levi declares.
“Okay. Love you, SD.”
“Love you too, JD.”
All the way in fucking California, Miles thought to himself. Fucking California! God, these blabbermouth little cows have way too much fucking time on their hands.
Miles continued to do his research on the BDSM lifestyle and began thinking about what he wanted to do after high school. He was certain that he did not want a girl—he wanted a woman. Natalie helped to reinforce this theory by continuing to convince him that he didn’t need the distraction of a needy ass girlfriend. He still felt somewhat empty, but used the alone time to hone his tastes as he awaits his 18th birthday to approach a real woman.
He decided at that moment, however, that any woman who wanted to be involved with him would have to agree to complete discretion—which means that he would have to get it in writing. It’s one thing for a highschool girl to run her mouth about this sort of thing. It’s completely different when an adult woman starts talking to various people in social circles or, heaven forbid, the press! No, he has learned his lesson. Loving Natalie has turned him against love completely, so he doesn’t want that feeling anymore—and no more women outside of the lifestyle… no signature, no sex.
Two things happened after Miles turned 17 that made him very happy. First, after his father secured a seat on the bench in the Mecklenburg County District Court, his parents reunited and finally got married after being apart for 15 years. Next, he met Ashley—a young, adventurous 18-year-old high school senior who was looking for a playmate, not a relationship. Miles was able to experiment with her in many of the ways that he had researched… both as a dominant and a submissive. With very little hands-on knowledge or training, neither of them could go too far with their experimentation, but it was fun, educational, and fulfilling nonetheless… until Natalie found out. If Natalie didn’t approve, the girl in question didn’t stand a chance. Their non-relationship lasted the summer until Ashley went to college, and Miles didn’t hear from her again.
By now, Miles is 6’2” and irresistible. His feelings for Natalie are no longer sexual but now, her feelings for him are getting stronger because he’s becoming a sexy grown man. Not only is he delectable in his own right, but he also reminds her a lot of a young Maxwell. Then there is this little fetish that she has that can’t seem to be tamed, but he is nearly legal and she has been doing her homework on his tastes. She had already taught him several valuable lessons over the years—how to hold a woman; how to kiss her and touch her, the right things to say to make her feel comfortable, and how to control his ejaculation. She even helped him train his tone of voice so that pitch and volume could ignite seduction, relay impartiality, and strike fear if necessary.
She was grooming him to be a man… her man. Yes, Maxwell was a handsome son of a bitch, but who needed his old ass when one could have his teenage doppelganger… primed and trained for her specific needs? What’s more, what better way to get back at her selfish ex-husband and his prim and proper new wife but to conquer and acquire their youngest beloved son? She becomes intrigued with the BDSM lifestyle—with the power that it afforded her. She has learned new ways to manipulate, to control young, untrained minds. Who knew that this youngster—this troubled teenager—would open her up to a fantasy world that she never knew existed? And now, it’s time to take him by the hand, and show him how it’s really done!
She tried to convince Miles to sub for her, so that as a Dom he could know what to expect from his subs and experience what they experience. She offers to expose him to what she has learned in her studies. The idea of having him as a submissive, in a subservient position to her once again is an opportunity that she can’t afford to pass her by. However, young Miles has had his fill of being at the mercy of others—even consensually.
Although he experimented with Ashley as a submissive, his choice is to be on the giving end of that exchange—to be the Dominant, the one in control. Not one to allow the opportunity to escape her to still have a grip on Miles life and mind, she agreed to sub for him instead, which she did for several months during his senior year.
The exercise was futile for Miles. He was untrained and emotionally attached—unable to properly wield the tools of his craft to get the results he desired from his submissive. Natalie is not his submissive. She is the red-haired angel kept his secret and made him feel things that he had never felt before. She was also the devil who ripped his heart out and left him feeling empty and forlorn—a feeling that he couldn’t shake when he was on the swinging end of the whip. He doesn’t know if he is actually honing his skills because he doesn’t trust his feelings for Natalie anymore. He feels no satisfaction in the activity.
Does he want to punish her for the way she left him feeling—empty and unloved, after Oliver had already abused him and brainwashed him that he was bad and a troublemaker?
There was no answer for him. He felt useless and unwanted no matter where he turned—even to the woman that he loved. Yes, he loved Natalie… once upon a time… and having her sub for him was not conducive to his purposes. There had to be no emotional attachment. His subs had to be vessels to be filled and objects to be used to his discretion. Though he would learn to respect their limits and come to mutually acceptable agreements in terms of the D/s relationship, there would be no mention of long-term commitments; no hope of love and no opportunities to be hurt like this again. No—he could not bear to be put in a situation again where he would be at the mercy of another person, emotionally or physically. Although Natalie was the submissive, she was still the one in control. Ultimately, that’s the way it’s supposed to be… but not like this, not to the degree that he is unable to move forward in perfecting a skill he wanted with everything in him.
Natalie would remain his friend, but he could not dominate her—nor did he want to. Natalie’s submission only served to show him what he didn’t want, all before he even turned 18.
He took what he learned from her and what he had learned over the years from his curiosity, chatting with people in the lifestyle, studying the do’s and don’ts including what he learned in his experience with Ashley and honed his skills as a Dom.
Young Miles is on his way to Domination and manhood. So how do we feel about his journey so far? I am thinking that we have one more installment after this to complete his journey that leads into the book. If you think that the book may have a tiny bit more twist than my original story… you’re right, but just a tiny bit. So many people loved the flavor of PDS, I tried to keep the bones intact but give you a little more meat. Tell me what you think and where you think it might be headed. Levi is at UC-Berkeley! Egad!
Love and handcuffs,
Lynn aka BG Holmes