Hey, BG, how’s it going?

Why, it’s going fantastic, thank you! So glad that you asked. 

The edits are moving along. They were a little slow at first because I have a program that helps to catch the grammar errors that I missed and in the beginning of the story, before I started playing closer attention, there were a whoooooooooooooooooooole lot of them! On top of that, the damn thing started to malfunction and was moving slow as molasses and that actually cost me a whole day in editing. You know you can’t be sloppy if you’re talking about publishing, right?

So, now I am back on track with my first round of edits and whacking. I know I mentioned it, but then damn thing is 1600 pages!

EL James’ entire trilogy resulted from a 1600-page fanfic! So there with be some chopping and cutting and when it’s done, you lovelies will have the first two books (yes, I said TWO) of the Butterfly Saga. I feel like my attention to detail is what makes my story stand out. For that reason, I refuse to chop it up so that the first story can fit in a nice little box. I will be trimming a lot of the fat so that there is more meat, and I will be killing a lot of the repetition. Besides that, Book One will have a volume I and a volume II to be released either simultaneously or one very shortly after the other. 

I hope you are currently enjoying Miles’ back story. I am purposely posting it in small pieces as 1) it won’t be in the book in it’s entirety although it will be explained in pieces, 2) I have to do some tweaking along the way to make sure that it is realistic and believable, 3) it won’t be a full-on story with updates like PDS because I don’t intend to write a second story while I’m editing the first–hense, the break between PDS book I and book II. Booky II, by the way, will have a name of it’s own. 

Just thought I would get you lovelies caught up on what’s happening in BG-ville (remember that?). Part II of Miles’ story will probably be posted today or tomorrow. In the meantime, I am literally spending nearly every waking moment editing this book with the hopes that it will be done very soon. 

Oh, yeah, in case I haven’t mentioned it, I have NO PROBLEM with being pimped out…so please tell your friends about me and my stories. I had one of my readers tell me that PDS was the topic of conversation at The Stockroom in Los Angeles (Google it if you don’t know what it is). I was extremely flattered and excited about that. So please…tell your friends!

Love and handcuffs, 
BG Holmes


Journey of Miles—Finale

Journey of Miles—Finale

Dom 02

Natalie is none too happy that Miles terminated their D/s relationship. However, she is delighted that she’s still allowed to be a part of his life and his lifestyle. For his 18th birthday, Natalie takes Miles to a BDSM club where he is able to try his hand as a Dom. He has long since discovered that this is his role, but he can’t shake the feeling that Natalie wants to treat him like a sub. She has become obsessed with him and continues to use his trust in her to try to dictate his life in various ways including who may or may not be right for him—all in an attempt to weasel her way back into his bed. She would precariously place the ideal girl in the right place at the right time and gently coax Miles to approach her. This way, she could control who subbed for him.

After his high school graduation, Miles was accepted at the University of North Carolina in Charlotte at the Belk’s College of Business. He stayed on campus in a dorm the first year, while Natalie pretty much vetoed nearly every plaything he tried to acquire. He didn’t see what the problem was but found himself wound up and anxious more often than not. He realized that someone who practices a BDSM lifestyle doesn’t do well in dorms, so he convinced his parents to let him rent an apartment just off campus based on the explanation that dorm-life was interfering with his studies. It was interfering all right, but not with his studies.

Miles was bored in school, in fact. He caught on to most of the coursework so quickly that he would have his assignments complete in the first few weeks of the term. The instructors thought he was just being smug, which to a degree, he was, but most of the things that he was learning from his classes seemed like common sense for the most part and the rest of it was just a matter of reading, studying, doing casework, and retaining the information.

He aced all of his tests and felt that the classes were a waste of his time. He spent very little time doing his coursework, even less time in lectures unless attendance was part of his grade.

He tried to explore the BDSM lifestyle deeper, but Natalie always found a way to put a block on that, offering herself on several occasions when they couldn’t seem to find a suitable playmate for him. He took her up on the offer a few times against his better judgement, but he discovered that she was not compliant enough to sub for him, and he would certainly never allow her to dominate him. He had conquered his feelings for her, being away from her constant grasp and able to consider his own tastes and wishes. She would often offer just sex as a release of frustration. If he didn’t know better, he would swear that she was trying to lock him into a relationship with her, but that couldn’t be true. After all, she was the one who insisted that it was a bad idea.

This was quite confusing because, as a young boy, that’s what he had wanted from her and he thought that’s what she wanted from him. She is the reason why he doesn’t want a girlfriend. Not only did she break his heart, but she was constantly convincing him that a girlfriend would be a distraction that he doesn’t need. Yet, she seems to be setting herself up to slide into that position. Why the hell didn’t she love him when he wanted it? What the hell is she trying to prove now?

He pushed that thought to the back of his mind and after his second year of college and not nearly as much BDSM experience as he would have hoped, he knew exactly what he wanted to do.

He had no intention of staying in college for a full eight years. So when he wasn’t searching for a playmate or at the BDSM clubs, he was auditing masters’ degree business classes. For what he wanted to do, he didn’t need the degree. He just needed the knowledge. Initially, his plan was to finish with his business degree and take over the operations of the ranch. Now, his dreams were bigger. There was more out there than horse ranching even though it had left his mother set for life and with an ever-increasing source of income. That’s great for the family business, and he would do everything in his power to make sure that the business stayed in the family… but that’s not what he wanted to do.

During his second year, he took in a roommate. Beau Collins found himself in a terrible position. After spending two years in college on a scholarship, his family had lost their standing and fortune due to a scandal brought on by his father’s infidelity. If anyone can understand bad luck, it was Miles. In fact, he was well acquainted with it. Since his apartment was actually large enough to comfortably accommodate three people, Miles saw no harm in offering Beau a place to stay–especially since they both shared the same taste for an alternate lifestyle and Beau was a psychiatry major. So Miles had someone to tell his sick stories and be able to get them off his chest. Beau was, of course, more horrified by the tale of Miles and Natalie than he was by anything, with Oliver’s abuse coming in as a strong second. At least Oliver was in jail–Natalie was still free. Nonetheless, after his third year of bachelor’s studies and auditing a year’s worth of master’s classes, Miles made up his mind what he wanted professionally and approached his mother and father with news.

I want to start my own company,” he said, his voice strong like he had practiced. Maxwell and Julia looked at each other with skepticism.

Doing what?” Maxwell asked.

Venture capital, mergers and acquisitions… I have a whole list of companies that are in trouble right now, right here in North Carolina that could be worth so much more it they were sold in pieces than they are as a whole…” He sat down and showed them his business plan, how he not only had companies just waiting to be approached from something like this, but that he also had a line on ventures in Silicone Valley that he could get in on the ground floor right now with just a little seed money. Start off small and this could get to be huge…seriously huge!

Son, what about the ranch?” Julia asks. This is the part that Miles really didn’t like.

The ranch was Oliver’s dream, Mom, not mine. I don’t want to be a horse rancher. Levi went off to medical school and I know that you thought that meant that I would automatically take over the family business… but that’s not what I want. If this works out the way that I hope it will, there will be enough funds not only from the ranch but also from my endeavors to make sure that we have the best staff to keep the family business in the family. If this doesn’t work out, I’ll come back home and be a rancher,” Miles bargains.

What about school, Miles? You still have a year left,” Maxwell scolds. Miles tilts his head and examines his father.

Have you seen my grades, Dad?” he asks. “I have a 4.0 GPA. I can handle it. I will finish school.” They had no idea that Miles was sitting in Masters classes as well as taking his bachelor’s classes and still delivering the highest possible grade point average. He was a natural at business and his naturally domineering character ensured that he would be a beast in the business world… of this, he was certain. Julia and Maxwell asked for time to consider their decision, but it didn’t take long for them to decide to give him the start-up funding that he requested with the understanding that he would finish school and that he would take over the family business if this didn’t work out.

Miles didn’t have a doubt.

He started Everhart International with a loan from his parents and quickly seeded into three new technologies in Silicon Valley. He knew that giving a local company the name “International” was ambitious, but he was certain that his little seedling company would surely grow into its name. He finished his coursework early as he had done every year for the past three years and sat in a few more master’s degree classes—all while running Everhart International often from a laptop and a cell phone sitting in the courtyard at UNC. Once in a blue moon, he felt a pang of loneliness watching a young couple hug and kiss on a nearby bench or under a tree. Every sub he had tried to engage in the last couple of years, Natalie had convinced him that she was not the right one. He of course was quite wrapped up in running his business and finishing his studies, but he is definitely missing what he had in the earlier years of his college tenure.

This was amplified by the fact that he visited Natalie one weekend to find her otherwise engaged with a new “puppy.”

St Andrews CrossShe assured Miles that the youngster was 18, but Miles could not get over how young he looked. Nonetheless, he and Natalie were certainly not exclusive. Hell, they were barely anything at this point, but it was her disapproval that left him without a playmate. This has, once again, reopened the questions that initially plagued Miles’ thoughts.

Why did you and my father break up?” he asked, pulling her away from her “puppy.” A look of shock registered on her face.

Well, this is new,” she says, obviously trying to evade the question.

No, it’s not,” he responds. “I’ve often wanted to know why my father divorced you. I just never asked.”

Well, it’s hardly relevant now, Miles, don’t you think?” Miles didn’t agree.

Did it have anything to do with us?” he asked and Natalie gasped.

Of course not!” she snapped, nearly appalled. “Why would you think that?”

Because rumor has it that my father found you with another man, and since he hasn’t confronted me about it, I assume this must have been some other man that he found you in bed with, correct?” Miles interrogates, impassively. Natalie blanches a bit, but does not answer immediately. “I could always go ask Dad, but then he would probably want to know why I was asking,” he continues.

Yes,” she says with a sign, “he discovered that I had a lover.” Miles straightened his back.

So you could go be with another man, but you couldn’t be with me.” It was more of a statement than a question. He was broken and torn when she first touched him, and she broke down the rest of his defenses, made him want her. He didn’t stand a chance against her—then, she simply didn’t want him anymore.

I’m trying to help you, Miles,” she had said all those years ago, “trying to help you cope with those horrible things that Oliver is doing to you.” To a degree, it did help him cope… until he became dependent upon her. Then she left him high and dry—a little boy to fend for himself, or at least that’s how he felt.

He didn’t need her to answer his question. He looked to the door where her latest puppy is waiting and he already has his answer. After seeing that Natalie was no doubt meeting her needs, Miles decided that he would engage a playmate as soon as possible—with or without his former stepmother’s approval.

I’m going to the club on Friday night, and I will be leaving with someone,” Miles says to her as he turns to leave her with her plaything.

We shall see,” Natalie says, softly.

You can see whatever you want to see,” Miles retorts, “but I’m leaving with someone.” He reaches for the doorknob. “Have fun,” he says to her and he closes the door behind him.

Sure enough, he and Natalie went to the club on Friday and Natalie was pushing him towards a woman who was just his type—beautiful, petite, and willing. Needless to say, it was a good night… and the next night… and the next night… and Wednesday evening… and the following weekend…

Wet cuffs on a wet stomach

By the time, Miles graduated with his bachelor’s degree in business from Belk’s at UNC, he had already closed on his first acquisition and was negotiating his first merger. The technologies that he had funded in Silicon Valley were yielding a hefty return, and he was well known in the Metrolina for being a new shrewd businessman. Many companies were eager to “get in bed” with Everhart International. By the time he walks across the stage, he has made his first million. He buys a manor in Myers Park and by the time he is 24, he is the most eligible billionaire bachelor in Charlotte.

What has happened to Natalie?

Natalie is still in the picture. She is no longer a pediatric nurse as the children—for some unknown reason—no longer like her. She has taken the money from her divorce settlement along with some more money that she had saved up and has gone into business with Emily—Miles’ half sister on his mother’s side. Emily has a degree in interior design from the Art Institute in Raliegh. Natalie has the money and the vision, Emily has the education. Like Miles, her mother lent her the money to pay her share of the partnership—it was a 60/40 split in Natalie’s favor. They both had contacts and even though Natalie didn’t have a degree, she did have good taste and style which assisted in the running of the business and acquiring the richest clients from the affluent areas of North Carolina. Needless to say, the business flourished under both ladies.

Natalie still has her tastes and urges and is still trying desperately to win back Miles’ favor. She is also still shoving women in his face. He has made it clear that when he wants a playmate, he will have a playmate. So she has made it her business to be the one that finds his playmates for him. She has become well-known in the lifestyle as one of the providers of high-end, well-trained submissives of any variety. As of late, he knows that she has been guiding him towards certain girls. He doesn’t know why, but he doesn’t care—as long as they follow the rules:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERABe available when called upon.
Be clean and have proof of contraceptives (condoms okay).
Expect to fuck and play—nothing else.
Don’t touch him without permission.
Accept gifts graciously and follow instructions.
Respect hard and soft limits.
No signature/no sex—sign a confidentially agreement.

He liked them small, beautiful, and kinky; able to take moderate to slightly severe pain or discomfort for long durations if necessary; and able to fuck until the sun came up as his libido was longer and stronger than most—physically and sexually. Nothing else mattered. He always honored safe words, but if a playmate used them too often, she most likely was not the playmate for him. Miles was not brutal or vicious when he wielded his toys. So a playmate that safe worded too often was simply not able to take his level of play.

And now begins our story–Butterfly’s Heart. As our story, begins, Miles is 30 years old and his birthday has just passed. Levi is 33, Emily is 27, and Victoria (Natalie’s daughter) is 26. Natalie is 50; Maxwell is 57; Julia is 55.

You will be happy to know that I have finished the first round of edits on the first Volume of Book I of Butterfly’s Heart. Book I will be two volumes, so instead of making readers wait for both volumes, I am looking to release Volume I first and hopefully release Volume II not long thereafter. You will also be happy to know that I have also begun composing the chapters for Book II and I hope to begin uploading that story on November 2 (Yeah!). I missed adding to the adventures of our favorite couple and realized that, in the wake of all of the real life stuff going on, I needed to be creative a bit so here it comes. I will keep you posted on what’s next, but at this moment, it looks like November 2 for Book II… 🙂

Tell me what you think of the finale to Miles’ backstory!

Love and handcuffs,
Lynn x (BG Holmes)

Discussion on Miles–Part V and VI (and updates on life, Book II, and publishing)

So, I know that I said that I would get back to Journey of Miles, but I forgot the discussion of the last two installments. Also, I have some important information to pass on to those of you who are following my progress.

First, most (if not all) of you know that I am responsible for my own business. Unfortunately, I have been facing competition from a major competitor and manufacturer who has been cutting into my market share in a major way. For that reason, I have been forced to close my business for the slow season (maybe indefinitely) because unfortunately, I have not been making enough money to pay the bills. This means that I had to seek work outside of the business. Working for someone else frees up time as well as takes time away. My “off the clock” time is no longer consumed with thoughts of business, but I can’t be on the computer AT ALL during my “on the clock” time.

Do you see how this presents a dilemma?

I am trying to edit and publish a book, keep a blog and mailing list up to date, AND write Book II of a beloved fanfiction with less than half of the available computer time that I had before. Yes, this is definitely going to be a problem.

Having said that, please be informed that the editing is going to take longer than I thought, and that when I do get back to Book II on Fanfiction, it most likely will not be updated twice a week. We will see if that changes as time progresses.

Next, most (if not all) of you know that the original story turned out to be 1600 pages long in its current format. Of course, we couldn’t leave it like that! No one wants to sit down and read “War and Peace” right? So, I had decided that Book I would be two volumes… hopefully one released right after the other. Well, I reformatted the story and did my preliminary brush-over edits and the story came down to about 1300 pages. Then I eliminated some initial redundancies and the story is just under 1200 pages. I have some more redundancies to eliminate in the second half, but I am happy to say that the first round of edits on Book I, Volume I of the Butterfly Saga is complete! This only means that I have read through and changed the names, location, and necessary events of the very first part of the story. Book I, Volume I looks to be just under 500 pages before second-round editing. I think that works out well for my stories.

Finally, since I have reached this Milestone (pun intended as you will see in the book), I have felt comfortable starting to put together the outline and storylines that I have started for Book II. This means that in conjunction with continuing the editing on my book to prepare for publishing, I will be actively working on the chapters for Paging Dr. Steele, Book II (that will not be the name of Book II). Keep your eye on this blog, your email, and Paging Dr. Steele as Book II will be announced as an epilogue to PDS in the voice of one of our villains! AND I expect to start updating at the end of the month. AGAIN, it may only be on Saturdays now because of my changed schedule, but  we will see how that works and I promise that you will always at least get an update from me once a week. Now, on to Miles….

keep-calm-it-wasn-t-me-8SO… in part V, the truth has come out about Oliver’s abuse of Miles and everyone is pointing at everyone else as to who is to blame about it going on so long. Well, no, let’s correct that… Julia is blaming herself and Natalie; Maxwell is blaming himself and Natalie; Natalie is blaming anybody but herself, including Miles.

Do we see a pattern here?

I hate to side with a Pedophile, but I do have to agree with her on one thing. As a mother, Julia should have known that something wasn’t right. I know from experience that we can choose to be blind to certain things if we refuse to believe that it is going on inside our own home. I haven’t had this particular experience, but I have exercised “selective blindness” in my life.

Nonetheless, Miles has been released from the physical abuse of his oppressor (one of them anyway), but the emotional affects of it is of course far reaching. He’s having nightmares and daymares that Oliver will return to finish the job and therapy isn’t helping. Anyone who has read Paging Dr Steele can see where the “Stoley” syndrome is falling into place here, not because Miles is resentful of therapy, but because the therapists are not treating specifically what is wrong with him.

In addition to that, he is now getting a taste of the fraud that is his and Natalie’s relationship, although he doesn’t identify it as such just yet.  He has run to her for comfort, but he’s only being used. In the end, a selfish person will always be selfish and  we all know that Natalie is only in this for what she can get from it. Natalie craves a kind of control that cannot be filled, a kind of control that will only result in pain for all parties involved – including herself. Miles doesn’t yet know that he is caught in a vicious cycle yet again. He only knows that he is confused and in pain and that Natalie somehow plays into this confusion and pain. So what does he do?

Examine what makes a sick fuck tick.

Now, I know that characters often write themselves; my fingers just type the words for others to see. As I was forming this event in Miles’ life, I was writing this act as an act of curiosity – a method to try to understand why Oliver enjoyed this lifestyle and subsequently an escape for the pain that he was feeling from Natalie’s rejection. As I go bak to read it, I learned differently. It was all of those things, but at its base it was an act of rebellion and revenge. It was an act of rebellion against everything as it was at that time:

Against Julia – he could have very easily told his mother that the room was there. Instead, he kept it a secret and then had it dismantled when he was done with it.

Against the therapists – a bunch of quacks who are not addressing his problems.

Against Oliver – Oliver always made the room forbidden. This act is removing what was left of Oliver’s control over Miles.

Against Natalie – ultimately, this is rebellion and revenge against Natalie. At this point in his young life, Miles is effectively a scorned lover. He just doesn’t know it yet. Nine times out of ten, if you didn’t leave your lover for someone else, the next lover that you get is to prove to yourself and to your prior lover that you can get another lover. Don’t admit it if you don’t want to, it’s fine – but it’s the truth. You run and jump into another relationship with the mentality of “I’ll show them,” which is exactly what this child is trying to do. Of course, this act takes on a life of its own and becomes much more than he expected.

What’s strange is that I didn’t know that when I wrote it.

So now, all of the previous marriages have been dissolved. No more Oliver and Julia; no more Maxwell and Natalie. This leaves everyone to pursue romantic relationships with whomever they so desire… although Oliver can only pursue a relationship with his cellmate Bubba at this time, but I digress. Natalie is still fulfilling her… urges… but she keeps Miles just close enough to keep him hanging on. Little does she know, Miles is filling his time with a new hobby. He wants so badly to participate in this new pasttime as he learns more and more about it. However, he discovers that although this lifestyle is considered taboo, it also must be consensual, meaning that none of the adult participants and experts are willing to apprentice a child. Well, no problem. Lie about my age, learn what I can from the chat rooms and find a nice girl that will let me fuck and flog her. Couldn’t be that hard, right?


Not only has he been through a few girls that have turned him down quietly, but now he must contend with Big Mouth Brianna who has blabbed all over school that he is into this alternative lifestyle. She is running her mouth so much, in fact, that the news has gotten to Levi all the way on the other end of the country at UC-Berkeley. Now he has to put that fire out and, oh, have we mentioned that Natalie knows now? Yeah… he is slowly pulling away from her and sinking into the lifestyle. The only thing is that while her back was turned, he developed into Young Hotness!

Miles is still rough around the edges, but Pedo-Whore is seeing his full potential now – young and gorgeous, eager and horny, open to new things. With just a little training and molding, he could be the perfect man for her. After all, he worships the ground she walks on, right?

So, yeah, she still has her claws in him but he is blind when it comes to her. While she is learning the lifestyle that now interests him, he still naively thinks that she is looking out for his best interests – even after he finds a playmate close to his age that mysteriously goes off to college somewhere and never speaks to him again. Did anybody else find that strange?

Now, she decides to sub for him, but this act us futile because he can’t objectively dominate her. In the process, he still sees the control that she has over him because of his misplaced feelings for her. So he has decided to continue his “studies” without her interference… or is he?

The last installment of “Journey of Miles” with be his trek from high school student to wealthy and successful businessman. Where do you think Natalie – and his parents – will play a role in his transformation? What do you think about Miles’ journey so far and how he views the lifestyle through the eyes of a teenager learning on his own, without the influence of a manipulative pedophile (for the most part anyway) that we saw in the original story? Do you think that, in the rewrites, this will affect the kind of Dom he is or his reasons for partaking in the lifestyle as an adult? (You can clearly see that this story is taking a turn from the original, can’t you?) Your thoughts?

Oopsie–Gotta clear some things up…


I’m sorry I have been MIA, but I have to get some work done on this editing now that I have solved all of my logistics issues!!! I hope…

I got a couple of messages asking about how the story might end. This led me to believe that some people may be under the impression that “Journey of Miles” may be a new story all in itself. When I found that I was right, I thought I should probably address this issue.

I have a story that I wrote as a fanfiction that ended up being so different from the original that I decided to rewrite it and publish it as its own work. The more I edit the story, the further it gets from the original. If I don’t want the critics to chew me up and spit me out, it MUST be different from the original work–characters, locations, history, etc. This is why I had to change the city twice and why I had to come up with a whole new backstory for my male protagonist. I had already written a new backstory for the female protagonist in the fanfiction, so she needed very little change for publishing.

I say this because once Miles’ backstory is done, there will be a note on the last post that indicates that you can follow the rest of the story by purchasing the book. I don’t want to start getting hate mail at that time for breaking people’s hearts because they don’t get to see what happens to Miles. You will get to see what happens, but you will have to buy the many volumes that I plan to write for “The Butterfly Saga” the see what happens to him later in life and how everyone who wronged him gets theirs in the end. There are two or three more installments to “Journey of Miles” and I don’t know yet if I will put out some other backstories of some other characters but I might. Like I said, something to help with the withdrawal symptoms until Book II is ready.

For those of you who read the fanfic, I can guarantee you that this story is pretty new. The bones of the fanfic are still there, but the story itself is quite different. I think you will like it when it is finished. Thanks for sticking by me through this.

Love and Handcuffs!
Lynn x (BG Holmes)

An Ode For Miles


Who will cry for the little boy?
Lost and all alone.
Who will cry for the little boy?
Abandoned without his own?

Who will cry for the little boy?
He cried himself to sleep.
Who will cry for the little boy?
He never had for keeps.

Who will cry for the little boy?
He walked the burning sand
Who will cry for the little boy?
The boy inside the man.

Who will cry for the little boy?
Who knows well hurt and pain
Who will cry for the little boy?
He died again and again.

Who will cry for the little boy?
A good boy he tried to be
Who will cry for the little boy?
Who cries inside of me

Who will cry for the little boy?
By Antwone Fisher

Journey of Miles—Part VI

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?~~Albert Einstein

Journey of Miles—Part VI

It’s the summer of 1998. Oliver is no longer in the picture. Julia has divorced him and took him to the cleaners. He’s now doing time on the many charges he plead to for his crimes against Miles. Natalie and Maxwell have also split and quickly divorced. In addition to never being able to forgive her silence while Miles was suffering, Maxwell had caught Natalie in a compromising position and had offered her a settlement to go away quietly. He threatened to drag her endlessly and publicly through a lengthy and nasty divorce fighting for custody of his daughter if she didn’t take the settlement which included joint custody of Victoria, a one-time settlement for Natalie, child support including schooling and health insurance for his daughter, and a stipulation that Natalie would no longer carry his last name.

She begrudgingly accepted the settlement as she had little choice in the matter. However, the very last thing that Natalie planned to do was go away quietly.

She and Maxwell stayed as civil as they could tolerate for the sake of Victoria. Mostly just for the sake of being vengeful, Natalie still kept a hold on Miles. He still confides in Natalie, though none of the family knows. Their physical relationship has waned the older Miles has gotten and he is certain that she has someone else, especially since the rumor is that his father found her in bed with another man thus prompting the quick and quiet divorce. It still ached a bit and he didn’t know why. Nonetheless, he had another interest that consumed his spare time… researching as much as he could about this new lifestyle that he has discovered.

It’s been a few years since he put a name to exactly what Oliver was doing in that room. He is fascinated by it. It has helped ease the ache caused by Natalie’s callousness. He couldn’t believe that people actually willingly allowed other people to do some of this stuff to them. However, some of the activities he witnessed online or discussed in chat rooms left him extremely aroused and curious. Mostly, he has been reading and chatting with people in online chat rooms to get an idea of what the lifestyle is all about. After many conversations and lots of research referred to him by others who practice the lifestyle, he sees that it’s not as sick and disgusting as he once thought.

Miles still related the lifestyle to Oliver and could only guess what Oliver’s motivation could have been. Maybe it was just something like he liked to do… something that was attractive to him. Had Oliver tried any of this stuff with his mother? Did his mother even know that the room was there? Years after Oliver was no longer a part of their lives, the Black Room stayed intact. It was only recently that Miles drafted help from two of the trusted ranch hands to break the room down and get rid of the implements inside. He never spoke to his mother about the Black Room, so he assumed that she never knew.

How would she react knowing that he was drawn to the same tastes as his sick stepfather? He would make sure that she never found out. After all, he was certain that his reasons for being drawn to the lifestyle were different than Oliver’s. Oliver was just plain evil and sick—years of abuse and repeated sodomizing convinced Miles of that. Miles, however, was hormonal and emotional and lonely and curious…and he felt weak and vulnerable. The taboo of it made it fascinating to him, but there was so much more implied in the practice…so much more…and he was absolutely gagging to participate.

The problem was that he was only 16. There was no one who could practice with or teach a 16-year-old boy, so of course he didn’t dare tell anyone his real age or name. Names didn’t matter, though. Nobody used real names in the chat rooms anyway—they only used handles. His handle was the Pied Piper, chosen because he loved his horns—trumpets and saxophones—and he hoped that one day, he would have his own bevy of beauties following behind him. He would show Oliver. He would show Natalie, too. He would be rich and famous with women falling at his feet. He would wait patiently until he could consent to partake in the lifestyle. In the meantime, he was a sponge for information…

Toys and tools and rules and preferences…
Dominants and submissives…
Submissive vs slave…
Bondage and discipline versus sadomasochism …
Sensation Play…
Stimulation Bondage…
Deprivation and Denial…
Soft and hard limits…
The needs of the submissive…

The many aspects of this lifestyle were endless—all based on consent and preferences. He couldn’t wait until he was able to participate.

Miles is getting taller, buffer, and more gorgeous as time passes. He is now a 6’1” mass of young man with thick gorgeous black hair, striking blue eyes, and a flawless smile… but when it comes to girlfriends, he’s like a fish out of water. He has only dated a few times and when he shares his interests, they run for the hills. One girl—Brianna—spread the vicious rumor that he was a “deviant” and completely ruined his reputation. Once again crushed, Miles went to his stepmother for comfort. She was a bit stunned not only by his striking good looks as she hadn’t seen him for a few months—seeking other conquests—but also by his latest interests. She wanted to know what this lifestyle was all about that he was raving about, a lifestyle that caused a teenage girl to call him a deviant. Her interest in young Miles is renewed and she decides to do some research of her own to determine his attraction to it—to hopefully find another way back into his life.

In the meantime, she convinced him that it didn’t matter what the girl said. If fact, this Brianna actually did him a favor. She got rid of all of the girls sniffing around him because of his family’s status, name, and money. Let Levi worry about those little sack-chasers… They were more Levi’s type anyway—college boy looking for some fun from little air-headed bimbos who would give it up to anybody…as long as he didn’t ask to tie you up and blindfold you. If they didn’t share his tastes, he shouldn’t want them anyway. He reluctantly took her advice, not knowing that she is once again grooming him for herself. It was a pain in the ass trying to tell a girl not to touch his arms anyway, he thought. Don’t ask questions, just don’t touch the damn arm… is that too hard? Apparently, it was.

Levi and Miles are very close since the discovery of Miles’ abuse. Levi was concerned about the stories going around about his little brother. A sexual deviant? Levi thought to himself. This must be a mistake. Junior Dude was sexually abused by a monster when he was a kid. There’s no way he could be taking part in deviant behavior.

Junior Dude, what’s going on?” Levi asked during one of his many calls home from college to check on his little brother.

What do you mean ‘what’s going on?’” Miles asked genuinely confused.

Missy told me that her little sister heard that it’s going around North Meck that you are into some really kinky shit. What’s that all about?” Well this is just fucking great, Miles thought to himself. This shit has gotten all the way to Levi at UC-Berkeley. My life is now complete.

Don’t pay that shit any attention, Senior Dude. This chick Brianna had a bet going with her friends that she could snag me. When I heard about it, I ditched her. Now she and her bitchy little friends are spreading rumors about me, and I really don’t care. I’ve got bigger fish to fry and I don’t have time for these catty little tarts anyway.” Miles said trying to blow off the whole situation.

Oh? What bigger fish do you have to fry?” Dammit, Levi, Miles thought.

Well, let’s see… the SAT’s, trying to get into college, trying to get past this Oliver shit…” All of these things were true.

Are you still having those daymares, JD?” Levi asked concerned.

Yeah… I’m getting a better handle on them though…” by thinking about the kinky things that I really want to do once I’m old enough to have a playmate, Miles thinks to himself!

Really? You’re not just telling me that because I’m almost 3000 miles away and I can’t get to you to help you, are you?”

Levi, if I were trying to hide it from you, do you think I would tell you now?” Miles says laughing at his big brother. This small joke took the edge off of the conversation, and Levi laughs too.

No, I guess not,” Levi answers with mirth.

I’m fine, SD, really. I just don’t have time for these girls… and they’re not happy about it. I’m going to be rich one day, you know.”

Oh yeah, what do you plan to do?” Levi says.

Business. I’m going to be the most successful businessman you’ve ever met!” Miles declares.

That’s good, JD. You do that… and don’t forget your Senior Dude when you’re famous, okay?”

Are you making fun of me, Levi?” Miles asks.

No, I’m not. I’m dead serious. When you’re rich and famous, don’t be one of those dicks that forgets his family. Remember that we love you and we always will.” Levi has become extremely protective of his little brother in later years and he makes sure that Miles is aware of it.

I won’t, Senior Dude. I would never forget you guys,” Miles says through a smile.

Good. Now, I got to go. I have a chemistry test waiting for me in twenty minutes and a sexy co-ed waiting for me after!” Levi declares.

Okay. Love you, SD.”

Love you too, JD.”

All the way in fucking California, Miles thought to himself. Fucking California! God, these blabbermouth little cows have way too much fucking time on their hands.

Miles continued to do his research on the BDSM lifestyle and began thinking about what he wanted to do after high school. He was certain that he did not want a girl—he wanted a woman. Natalie helped to reinforce this theory by continuing to convince him that he didn’t need the distraction of a needy ass girlfriend. He still felt somewhat empty, but used the alone time to hone his tastes as he awaits his 18th birthday to approach a real woman.

He decided at that moment, however, that any woman who wanted to be involved with him would have to agree to complete discretion—which means that he would have to get it in writing. It’s one thing for a highschool girl to run her mouth about this sort of thing. It’s completely different when an adult woman starts talking to various people in social circles or, heaven forbid, the press! No, he has learned his lesson. Loving Natalie has turned him against love completely, so he doesn’t want that feeling anymore—and no more women outside of the lifestyle… no signature, no sex.

Two things happened after Miles turned 17 that made him very happy. First, after his father secured a seat on the bench in the Mecklenburg County District Court, his parents reunited and finally got married after being apart for 15 years. Next, he met Ashley—a young, adventurous 18-year-old high school senior who was looking for a playmate, not a relationship. Miles was able to experiment with her in many of the ways that he had researched… both as a dominant and a submissive. With very little hands-on knowledge or training, neither of them could go too far with their experimentation, but it was fun, educational, and fulfilling nonetheless… until Natalie found out. If Natalie didn’t approve, the girl in question didn’t stand a chance. Their non-relationship lasted the summer until Ashley went to college, and Miles didn’t hear from her again.

Miles Ian Everhart getting hotterBy now, Miles is 6’2” and irresistible. His feelings for Natalie are no longer sexual but now, her feelings for him are getting stronger because he’s becoming a sexy grown man. Not only is he delectable in his own right, but he also reminds her a lot of a young Maxwell. Then there is this little fetish that she has that can’t seem to be tamed, but he is nearly legal and she has been doing her homework on his tastes. She had already taught him several valuable lessons over the years—how to hold a woman; how to kiss her and touch her, the right things to say to make her feel comfortable, and how to control his ejaculation. She even helped him train his tone of voice so that pitch and volume could ignite seduction, relay impartiality, and strike fear if necessary.

She was grooming him to be a man… her man. Yes, Maxwell was a handsome son of a bitch, but who needed his old ass when one could have his teenage doppelganger… primed and trained for her specific needs? What’s more, what better way to get back at her selfish ex-husband and his prim and proper new wife but to conquer and acquire their youngest beloved son? She becomes intrigued with the BDSM lifestyle—with the power that it afforded her. She has learned new ways to manipulate, to control young, untrained minds. Who knew that this youngster—this troubled teenager—would open her up to a fantasy world that she never knew existed? And now, it’s time to take him by the hand, and show him how it’s really done!

She tried to convince Miles to sub for her, so that as a Dom he could know what to expect from his subs and experience what they experience. She offers to expose him to what she has learned in her studies. The idea of having him as a submissive, in a subservient position to her once again is an opportunity that she can’t afford to pass her by. However, young Miles has had his fill of being at the mercy of others—even consensually.

Although he experimented with Ashley as a submissive, his choice is to be on the giving end of that exchange—to be the Dominant, the one in control. Not one to allow the opportunity to escape her to still have a grip on Miles life and mind, she agreed to sub for him instead, which she did for several months during his senior year.

The exercise was futile for Miles. He was untrained and emotionally attached—unable to properly wield the tools of his craft to get the results he desired from his submissive. Natalie is not his submissive. She is the red-haired angel kept his secret and made him feel things that he had never felt before. She was also the devil who ripped his heart out and left him feeling empty and forlorn—a feeling that he couldn’t shake when he was on the swinging end of the whip. He doesn’t know if he is actually honing his skills because he doesn’t trust his feelings for Natalie anymore. He feels no satisfaction in the activity.

Does he want to punish her for the way she left him feeling—empty and unloved, after Oliver had already abused him and brainwashed him that he was bad and a troublemaker?

There was no answer for him. He felt useless and unwanted no matter where he turned—even to the woman that he loved. Yes, he loved Natalie… once upon a time… and having her sub for him was not conducive to his purposes. There had to be no emotional attachment. His subs had to be vessels to be filled and objects to be used to his discretion. Though he would learn to respect their limits and come to mutually acceptable agreements in terms of the D/s relationship, there would be no mention of long-term commitments; no hope of love and no opportunities to be hurt like this again. No—he could not bear to be put in a situation again where he would be at the mercy of another person, emotionally or physically. Although Natalie was the submissive, she was still the one in control. Ultimately, that’s the way it’s supposed to be… but not like this, not to the degree that he is unable to move forward in perfecting a skill he wanted with everything in him.

Natalie would remain his friend, but he could not dominate her—nor did he want to. Natalie’s submission only served to show him what he didn’t want, all before he even turned 18.

Dom 01

He took what he learned from her and what he had learned over the years from his curiosity, chatting with people in the lifestyle,  studying the do’s and don’ts including what he learned in his experience with Ashley and honed his skills as a Dom

Young Miles is on his way to Domination and manhood. So how do we feel about his journey so far? I am thinking that we have one more installment after this to complete his journey that leads into the book. If you think that the book may have a tiny bit more twist than my original story… you’re right, but just a tiny bit. So many people loved the flavor of PDS, I tried to keep the bones intact but give you a little more meat. Tell me what you think and where you think it might be headed. Levi is at UC-Berkeley! Egad!

Love and handcuffs,
Lynn aka BG Holmes

Journey of Miles—Part V

We are taught you must blame your father, your sisters, your brothers, the school, the teachers – but never blame yourself. It’s never your fault. But it’s always your fault, because if you wanted to change you’re the one who has got to change.
Katharine Hepburn

Journey of Miles—Part V

How long have you known about this??” Julia spit standing in the living room of Maxwell and Natalie’s Huntersville home. Natalie sighed.

Since he was ten years old. He told me it started almost immediately,” she confessed. Julia gasped.

That day… at the ranch, when Miles fell ill. You knew!” Julia’s blue eyes are glaring at Natalie, who only nods to confirm her suspicions. “How could you not tell me? How could you not tell his father?” she screams. Natalie’s eyes become sharp at Julia’s accusations. “You’re his stepmother for Christ’s sakes! How could you go all of these years and watch him suffer and just say nothing? You’re a nurse!” she screams.

“Yes, I’m a nurse, but you’re his mother! ” Natalie spit back. “How could you not know? You’re selling houses to all the rich people in Mecklenburg county and your son is suffering. I wanted to tell Maxwell plenty of times—to confront you about it because I was certain that this couldn’t be going on right under your nose and you have no idea!” Julia gasps loudly again.

How dare you!” Julia screams. “I didn’t know! You did! You don’t have an excuse!”

You were blind, Julia! Admit it! You were so consumed with your job and your causes and your clients that when your son came to you bruised and beaten, you refused to believe that it was happening in your perfect little home. Yes, I knew, and Miles swore me to secrecy. That monster had him convinced that he would kill you all if he said anything. I was completely convinced that he would disappear and some kind of harm would come to him if I broke his confidence, so I patched him up the best that I could and stole meds for the carts at work for those numerous cuts that he has on his arms. He’s been slicing that child for years with a damn knife from God only knows where, and Miles refused to allow me to take him to the hospital!”

Natalie pulled every trick that she could to draw attention away from her malfeasance. Blame the boy; blame the mother; blame anybody, but don’t take the blame onto herself. She should have reported the abuse—she didn’t. She’s a nurse. She’s sworn to report this kind of thing to the police, to children’s services, and she didn’t do it.  She could have told his mother, his father, the police—but she told no one. She patched him up, medicated him, and let him suffer, because each time he was abused he came back to her. He came back to her for comfort and for sex, and she needed that. She needed the little ones to need her, to need her care. A touch would usually satisfy her—just a touch—they could never tell the difference. Miles, however, was different. He needed her the most out of all of them, and she needed him…especially when “just a touch” was not enough.

You had so many opportunities to say something,” Maxwell chides in a low harsh voice, “and you didn’t say anything. You knew that bastard was beating and molesting my son and you didn’t say anything. You knew and you did nothing.” He glares at her with contempt. Natalie is being backed further and further into a corner.

He spent more time with me than he did with you!” she defends. “Now you want to chastise me for trying to take care of him?” she squeaks. She masterfully plays on the guilt of both parents to take the focus away from herself. Now it was time to deliver the death blow and make a hasty escape.

I didn’t know that you didn’t know, Julia, and I couldn’t take the chance that you did.” This was a half-truth and Natalie knew it, but she used it anyway to cover her own crimes and to ease her guilt since everything is out in the open now. “The bottom line is, that’s your son, and this has been going on for so long that you should have known.” She looks over at Maxwell who looks at her with displeasure. “And you should have known, too,” she says before marching out of the room and leaving them with that final thought. She would have to be more careful with the boy from now on. She couldn’t risk anyone knowing the full extent of their interactions.

She was feeling brave enough now to maybe seek out another…

Julia and Maxwell’s guilt ripped at them. No one ever revealed that Natalie knew about the abuse since they didn’t want to jeopardize her license. Julia was able to forgive the lack of action, partially understanding the impossible situation in which Natalie must have found herself—trying to protect this young abused boy possibly from him own parents. She also had her own guilt to contend with—that her son had been suffering for years at the hand of the man who shared her bed every night. Natalie’s lack of action seemed miniscule compared to Julia’s own lack of knowledge.

Maxwell, however, wasn’t so forgiving. He felt contempt for Natalie’s ability to watch his son suffer from day to day and say nothing. He understands the severity of not knowing what’s happening with his own child and he accepts that. However, he cannot accept that this woman knew that a child anywhere was hurting and chose to remain silent… much less his own son.

Miles is free now—free from the abuse, from the sodomy, from the fear—or is he?Miles Ian Everhart Teenager

He has spent many nights with very little sleep, still afraid that Oliver would burst into his room at any moment and try to rape him. The entire family underwent counseling. However, the therapist only put Miles on medication for depression and sent him on his way. Miles was not depressed—he was afraid. He refused to take the meds as he felt they wouldn’t help him anyway. He formulated his opinion about shrinks from that very moment—that they were useless quacks out to take your money. Miles had learned to hide for nearly 10 years. He could hide now, too.

His relationship with Natalie continued… but carefully, very carefully. Physically, he likes the way that she makes him feel. Emotionally, he is empty inside when it’s all over. There’s a loneliness that comes when she walks away without a word—with no tenderness or care. She has taught him how to please her in every way over the years and he has done everything that she asked, but she shows him no tenderness, no concern. It’s as if she can’t wait to get away from him once their rendezvous is over. In addition to the painful loneliness and desertion that he’s experiencing, he can’t place the feeling that something is wrong with what they are doing, notwithstanding that this woman is married to his father and is effectively cheating on Maxwell with Miles.

He has feelings for her as no one has ever made him feel the way that she has. She convinces him that as a teenager, he can’t have feelings for her because 1) she’s married to his father, 2) their relationship is secret because she was keeping his secret about his stepfather, and 3) his mother wouldn’t like it. He is crushed by her obvious lack of concern for him. Their rendezvous became less and less frequent and Miles was nursing a broken heart at 13. His parents sent him to another therapist, but Miles no longer trusted people. He trusted the beautiful red-haired angel and she broke his heart. Even now, she calls for him every now and then and he believes that their relationship will start anew, but he leaves feeling more empty than ever. He is being used now, and he doesn’t know how to stop it.

He is physically free from Oliver, but not emotionally. He has an occasional bad dream about his stepfather, but those are not new to him. What is new is the waking terrors that no one has been able to identify. With no other name for them, he calls them daymares—a cross between daydreams and nightmares—wide awake while the entire class is watching you. Miles can be sitting in the middle of class and if his mind wanders too far to what Oliver did to him and he starts to feel too vulnerable, he will sink into a vivid daydream and relive the worse events of his abuse. He goes almost into a trance until the scene is over and he is left feeling helpless and frightened, the same way he did during the actual abuse. No one could help him, it seemed. No one could pull him out of this terrifying state and make these horrible visions go away. The only way to prevent them was not to allow himself to wander into weakness.

At age 14, Miles refused any more psychiatric treatment since it didn’t seem to be helping him anyway and chose more homeopathic methods of therapy. Meditation seemed to help him focus his thoughts more and Muay Thai was a physical exertion that not only built his muscles and reflexes, but also strengthened his spirit and made him feel less vulnerable. The problem was that even though Muay Thai required extensive mental and physical discipline, he couldn’t very well break out into a clinch or a spinning back flip in the middle of English class. His emotions were still wreaking havoc on him and although he was able to focus a little more with these tools, he needed something to help him conquer the feelings of weakness and vulnerability.

In one of his more maudlin states, his mind drifted back to his stepfather. He couldn’t help being drawn back to that room… that room with the black walls where Oliver had his whores. They seemed to enjoy it so much and now he knew what Oliver felt, but he and Natalie had never done anything like what he saw in that room. The room was always locked, but Miles knew where Oliver kept the key. Did his mother know about the room? Would it be emptied by now?

Miles went to the small drawer in the dresser in his mother’s room and found the key in a secret compartment underneath. He doesn’t think anyone has been in this part of the house since Oliver was arrested. He will find out soon enough. He put the key in the lock and turned it. The mechanism disengaged and Miles could swear that it was announcing to everyone in 10-mile radius that he was entering the “Forbidden Room.” He turned the doorknob and opened the door.

Nothing. Just pitch black. He couldn’t see anything. He flipped the switch and the lights came on, illuminating his stepfather’s torture chamber. He stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

He examined the room carefully, making a mental note of everything that he was seeing—a large metal “X” that looked to be attached to the wall with lots of paddles and crops and implements hanging from it; belts and handcuffs and ropes everywhere; whips and long bamboo sticks on the wall; strange looking tubes and things that he couldn’t even identify. The room gave him the creeps, but he could see Oliver’s face in his head and the pleasure etched across it as he drove himself into many women tied to the strange table. He hated comparing Oliver with anything pleasurable, but thanks to Natalie, he knew what Oliver was feeling. Comparing Natalie’s reaction to those of the women in the room, he knew that the women were enjoying it, too. Natalie—why do I have to keep thinking about her, he thought to himself. She doesn’t really care about him—she probably has another boyfriend… was he ever her boyfriend? Could he really be her boyfriend when she was married to his father? Did she do the same things with his father that she did with him?

Oh, this is so screwed up! I don’t know what this is… is this love? Why didn’t she tell me about this part? It is because I’m a little boy and she didn’t want to tell me? Does she think I don’t have any feelings? Had she ever really cared about me at all or was it an act?

Question after question burned Miles aching heart about the red-haired angel who sliced him in two and left him for dead… The angel that had now become a demon, sucking the life out of him and leaving him a walking, rotting corpse.

Miles left the Black Room, locking it behind him. He went to his PC and did a web search on the pictures in his head of the implements in the dungeon. He was up all night. He couldn’t name the things that he saw… not all of them anyway. So he started with the things that he could name…

Pictures of people being led away by the cops.

Pictures of lion-tamers and cowboys…cowboys? Oh yeah, and Indiana Jones.

Pictures of boat oars and paddles with Greek letters.

Nothing that he saw in Oliver’s room. Well, this was getting him nowhere. After several hours, he decided to lie down, but he couldn’t get the pictures out of his head. Then something occurred to him. He went back to his PC and typed in “handcuffs whips and paddles.”

Holy mother of…

Scream faceHe was bombarded with some of the most disgusting pictures he had ever seen in his young life! He never saw any of this going on in Oliver’s Forbidden Room! No wonder he was so fucked up! Miles couldn’t tear his eyes away from what he was seeing. He browsed picture after picture of men and women being bound and gagged and tormented and chained. Still nothing looked like exactly what he saw in the Black Room. Just when he was resigned to believe that Oliver Anderson was just one sick fuck who had a flock of sick fuck women—beautiful, sick fuck women, but sick fuck women nonetheless—he clicked on a picture that led to a website covered with more beautiful women in provocative barely there costumes labeled “BDSM for beginners.”

The curiosity was killing him, so he clicked the link…. 

We have moved into why young Miles is becoming a child of the lifestyle while ALL of his parental figures are playing the blame game. What do you think? 

Love and handcuffs, 
BG Holmes aka Lynn