Paging Dr. Steele: Chapter 15: In With The New

This is a work of creativity. As such, you may see words, concepts, scenes, actions, behaviors, pictures, implements, and people that may or may not be socially acceptable and/or offensive. If you are sensitive to adverse and alternative subject matter of any kind, please do not proceed, because I guarantee you’ll find it here. You have been warned. Read at your own risk.

I do not own Fifty Shades Trilogy, or the characters. They belong to E. L. James. I am only exercising my right to exploit, abuse, and mangle the characters to MY discretion in MY story in MY interpretation as a fan. If something that I say displeases you, please, just leave. If you don’t like this story or me, please don’t spoil this experience for everyone. Just go away. For the rest of you, the saga continues…

Chapter 15—In With The New


Dinner with the ex… oh goody.

I’m dreading this in the worst way, but if I want to get on with my life, I need to have this talk with him. I need to take away all of his excuses and dash all of his hopes. And if he comes at me with some bullshit, I’m going to turn around and walk away, change my number, and get a restraining order if I have to. He kept asking to pick me up, but I was insistent on driving my own car. I’m not going to be stuck anywhere at his mercy.

“I don’t know why you just won’t tell the bastard to ‘go to hell.’ What could this possibly prove, Ana?” Val is lying across my bed with her legs bent behind her while I get dressed. “I mean, why would you want to go on a date with this fucker after all this time?”

“It’s not a date,” I protest quietly, “It’s an appointment.”

“Well, at least you have the right idea about the whole thing but still…”

“I don’t want to go, Val. Really, I don’t.” I reach for my NoeMie purple summer New Elegance fold dress. “But he called me just as I was going to bed on Monday night and I wanted to get some sleep. I wasn’t going to get any peace if I didn’t agree to go.” I sigh heavily. I remove my robe to get dressed and Val gasps.

“Anastasia!” What the fuck…? “Are you planning on sleeping with him?”

“Are you crazy? What the hell?” I glare at her.

“Then why are you wearing Agent Provocateur?” I look down and review my lingerie. I’m wearing the Love strapless bra with the Joseline suspender garter belt with matching thong and Diabolo stockings.

“Have we met?” I snap. “When I have not worn sexy underwear on an evening out, Val?”

“But AP, Ana? That getup is screaming ‘fuck me!'” she says accusingly.

“So what if it is?” I defend, pulling my dress on over my head. “Who the hell is going to see it?” I zip my dress on the side. “And anyway, I paid a fucking fortune for this garter and I’m going to wear it somewhere, okay?” I growl. She puts her hands up in surrender.

“Okay, okay. Just please don’t fall into bed with Casanova David,” she warns.

“Give me some credit, okay?” I say as I step into my purple velour stilettos with black platform and heel. “The last thing I plan on doing is falling prey to Edward David.” I sit on the bed next to her. “But I do plan on making him suffer as much as possible tonight before I tell him that he will never get another whiff of this!” I smile innocently.

“That’s my girl.” Val pats me on my back. “Now let’s get your hair done.”

Val has painstakingly curled my brunette locks all over and scooped them up to the top of my head. With some form of wizardry of which I’m still not aware, she manages to pin all of my hair to the top of my head with two black embellished hair combs that lay daintily on the sides of my head, the curls cascading down the back and just barely kissing my shoulders. A few tendrils fall provocatively around my face and stray curls fly strategically around various parts of the style, giving it a slightly unkempt, “JBF” look. She knows I like my make-up subtle, so she just gives me a touch of color on my cheeks and lips and a little mascara. I complete the outfit with my onyx earrings and ring and a couple of large black bangle bracelets. I’m ready to go and break the heart of the one who broke mine.

I arrive at Canlis at 7:00 sharp, not because I’m excited to see Edward—I just hate being late. I give my keys to the valet and wait outside for David to arrive, as we agreed. Moments later, his BMW drives up and he steps out, looking stunning in a tan summer suit and tie. “Ana,” he breathes as he walks over to me and kisses me on the cheek. “You look breathtaking.” I smile politely, but don’t respond. He holds his arm out, gesturing to the door. “Shall we?” I walk ahead of him into the restaurant.

Canlis is a beautiful, exclusive restaurant that sits near the water. The two-story family-owned establishment has an award-winning wine cellar and world-renowned chefs. The floor plan is open and cozy at the same time. You can choose to dine in a private den with sofas and a fireplace, in the main dining room where the atmosphere is friendly and inviting, or at a quiet table next to a wall of windows overlooking the marina. To complete the presentation, there’s a house band that complements your meal with sophisticated live music. I have to give it to Mr. David… he has great taste.

We are shown to our table in the corner with a view of the water and residences stretching off into the distance. It’s all very romantic, but that’s not why I’m here. I need the proper goodbye that I didn’t get three and a half years ago and then I plan on moving on from here. I almost feel sorry for Edward, because I know that he’s expecting some sort of reconciliation that I simply can’t give him.

Edward orders a bottle of the Jordan Alexander Valley Cabernet Sauvignon—a very nice vintage. He has started the night out trying to impress me, I see. When the waiter comes and uncorks the bottle, he insists that I do the tasting. When I approve, the waiter serves the wine and leaves. Edward places his hand on top of mine sitting on the table.

“I’ve missed you so much, Ana,” he says softly. I feel the same jolt I’ve always felt when he touches me—not as powerful as it used to be, but still a jolt—so I move my hand. I take another drink of my wine, but say nothing. “You’re not going to make this easy for me, are you?” he asks.

“You didn’t make it easy for me, Edward,” I reply, flatly. He sighs heavily.

“I know. Believe me, I know.”

“Do you?” My head snaps up to look at him. “All those sleepless nights; all those days that I was completely convinced that I was crazy and paranoid; all our friends laughing at me—I was so blind.” I shake my head and drop my eyes again. “You have no idea what you put me through. You never will. You know why? Because I’d never do that to you. Whatever you’re feeling for however long you have felt it, it doesn’t compare to what you put me through. How could you do that to me, then just stand there and watch?” I glare at him waiting for an answer. I know that he doesn’t have one that will satisfy me, but I really want to know what he has to say for himself.

“I don’t know, Ana. I don’t have an answer that can make this all right. I was a fool. I was stupid. I didn’t know what I had. I was cocky and unfeeling and inconsiderate, but I swear to you that I’m not that man anymore. I’ve changed, Ana, and I only want the chance to show you how much I’ve changed—to treasure you like I should have done four years ago, to treat you the way that you deserve to be treated.”

“But why now, Edward? What’s different now?” I want to wail.

“I am!” he answers earnestly. “I’m a different man. I know what I lost. I know what I had in you and what I threw away…”

“And how did you come to that conclusion? From all the skanks and floozies that you slept with? You didn’t even have enough discretion stay outside our circle of friends. You just grabbed anybody who handed it to you.” I’m fighting to keep my voice low. The waiter comes back and asks if we are ready to order. I can’t even think about food, so I’m grateful when Edward orders for me. I take another drink of my wine. Suddenly, it doesn’t have the same delicious flavor it had a moment ago. It’s mixing with the flavor of bile threatening to present in the back of my throat as I and my cheating ex-boyfriend rehash the painful details of what was our relationship. “Why, Edward? Can you tell me why?”

He sighs. “It made me feel like a man.” I literally have to do a double-take on him when he says that. He continues. “Knowing that I could have any woman that I wanted at any time made me feel like a man. It fed my ego. And each time another one ended up on her back, the beast got bigger and bigger. It was out of control. I was out of control. And when you cried to me, I couldn’t hear you. And when you suffered, I couldn’t see you. And when you left me or put me out I should say, you were just one gone. It was no big deal—there was always another one right behind you. And when that faggot friend of yours dropped off my stuff, I knew that you were gone for sure.” I glare at him

“Don’t. Call. My. Friend. A. Faggot!” I growl through clenched teeth. He drops his head and straightens his tie. He doesn’t acknowledge what I said or what he had said. He just continues with his tale.

“The next day, I moved into a hotel like nothing had happened. I kept right on going with my activities—it was no big deal to me. So you were gone. So what? So you were hurt. Big deal. None of it mattered to me, then. I don’t know what happened, Ana. I had women on top of women on top of women and one day, I just woke up. I looked around and realized that I had lost the best thing that ever happened to me. You were gone and I didn’t know what to do with myself.” He drops his head again. I’m about to speak when the waiter shows up with our appetizers—Peter Canlis prawns and Dungeness crab cake. They look delicious. I know I need to eat something to offset this wine, and to push this bile back down my throat. The appetizers don’t disappoint—they’re as delicious as they look. We sit in silence for a moment while we eat. I drink a bit more of the wine before I start to talk again.

“You’re basically telling me that the more women you had, the more you wanted. That all the crying… and begging… and pleading… and hurting that I did meant absolutely nothing to you, as long as you can get your dick wet in as many holes that would take you,” I say flatly. He sighs.

“Yes,” he answers, shame evident in his voice.

“And one day you just miraculously came to the conclusion that the woman who had been there waiting for you and loving you for years—the woman that you left behind—was the right woman all along?” I’m fighting back angry tears. He swallows.


“And now, I’m supposed to run into your arms like nothing happened? Like none of this pain ever occurred? I’m supposed to fall back into your bed like one of those stupid little bimbos that have been chasing you around for the last four years?” I’m gladly interrupted when the owner comes over to the table with a waiter carrying another bottle of wine.

“Hello, ma’am, sir. Excuse the interruption. My name is Brian. I’m the owner of the establishment. How is your meal so far?” I have to muster up politeness, now. I assume this is part of the service here, so I’ll play along.

“Excellent, thank you very much.” I smile. “The prawns were superb. Did I taste the slight flavor of vermouth?” Brian is impressed.

“You have an excellent palette. That is dry vermouth you detected. Most people can’t tell that.” I laugh coyly.

“It’s a real treat for me to be here, Brian. I have champagne taste and beer money.” He laughs with me.

“Well, hopefully this token will assist in your tastes. This is a 2004 Grace Family Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon, compliments of a gentleman that hopes that you both enjoy your meal and wants to apologize profusely for all of the difficulties that he has caused you over the past three weeks.” He gestures across the table to a gentleman sitting three tables away, looking out of the window at the marina like a GQ model.

Hell! It’s Christian!

My pulse feels as if it doubles while I’m sitting there. The waiter uncorks the bottle and pours the tasting for me in a fresh glass. It’s like silk. I nod once for him to fill my glass and I relish the flavor. It’s the most divine wine I have ever had in my life.

“Please tell the gentleman that I said, ‘thank you,'” I say to Brian. He smiles widely, nods, and leaves the table with the waiter. Edward has fallen deathly silent as he surveys the wine menu. The look in his eyes tells me that he has located this vintage.

“This is a $1500 bottle.” He looks up at me. “You know this guy?”

“It’s Christian Grey,” I say, flatly.

“Christian Grey,” he repeats as he looks over at Christian. “Christian Grey sent a $1500 bottle of wine.”

“Looks that way,” I say as I savor the nectar in the wine glass.

“While you’re sitting here with me, he sent you the most expensive Cabernet on the wine list.”

“Actually, if you listened to Brian, he sent us the bottle of wine. He sent me his apology.” I sip the wine again. It’s tasting better and better with every swallow.

“Well, if you hadn’t been sitting here, I’m pretty certain that he wouldn’t have sent a $1500 bottle of wine to me. So, it’s safe to say that he sent the bottle of wine to you.” I pour myself another drink. This is delicious. “And why is he apologizing? What did he do to you?” Edward asks, a bit demanding.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but he was an asshole!” I snap, a little louder than I intended. The wine is getting to me.

“Well, excuse me if I’m a little put off by the fact that I’m sitting here pouring my heart out to you and another man in the restaurant sends you a bottle of wine. A very expensive bottle of wine!” he shoots. He has the nerve to feel affronted? Seriously?

I knew it!

I knew it!
I knew it!
I knew it!

I knew I shouldn’t have come, but noooooooo. I wanted closure. I wanted to give the cheating liar with two first names the opportunity to speak his piece. Well, now he has. Now I know how he feels. Now I know why he did it. And now he’s going to get it. I finish off the second glass of silk.

“Ana, you have to drive,” he comments. I’m coherent enough not to slur and not to stumble, so I got this. I keep my voice just loud enough for him to hear me.

“You flaunted your affairs in my face for years. You made me sit at home waiting for you while you were out night after night laying up under some hoe. You made me doubt everything I am, everything I knew. I tried everything to make you love me, to make you pay attention to me, to make you want me, and nothing worked! You turned me into a shadow of myself. You turned me into a laughingstock to all of our friends. And when the cat was completely out of the bag and I walked in on you and one of your fucking bimbos, you didn’t even have the guts to apologize. And four years after this has all occurred, I still can’t seem to get myself together to allow anybody to love me!”

I love you…” he begins.

“I’m not finished!” I snap. I think I scare the shit out of him because he jumps in his chair and snaps his mouth shut. “I finally open myself back up to try to have some kind of life again and just when I do, you show up begging me to subject myself to you again? You expect me to trust you? To put my life, my love, and my heart in your hands again?”

“I swear to you, Ana, I’ve changed. I only ask that you give me time… give me a chance to show you. Please…” He’s desperate, but I can’t hear him. There’s no way in hell I’m going to subject myself to this man ever again.

“I’m so happy for you that you have changed,” I begin softly. I take his hand. “I’m so glad that you have seen the err of your ways, because that means that you’re a better man, and a better human being. We all have to grow and we all have to understand that we can’t stay the same. But I can’t do this. You had your chance with me, and you blew it, and I can’t let you in again.” He drops his head.

“Ana, please…” His voice is shaking. I have to leave… soon. I can’t sit here and watch him break down.

“Never, Edward. Never again. I’m so glad that you’re a better man, but you’re a better man for someone else now. I’m part of your past, not your future,” I say with no malice. He looks at me with pain-filled eyes. I kiss him tenderly on the lips, then I stand and pick up my purse.

“Goodbye, Edward,” I say before I stroll quickly out of the restaurant.

I step into the night air and breathe it in. The valet comes over to me expecting my ticket. I drop my head and compose myself. I speak very slowly to prevent the inevitable tears that I know are coming.

“I need the keys to my car, but I would like to leave it here because I think I’ve had a little too much wine. Is that okay?” The young valet looks at me kindly, with a little sympathy.

“Yes. ma’am, that’s fine.” He nods.

“Would you mind terribly calling me a taxi?” I say, my voice finally cracking on the last word.

“That won’t be necessary,” the smooth caramel voice says from behind me.


When she kissed the guy, I nearly want to crawl over three tables to get to them. I want to choke the fucker. But then she stands up and damn near runs out of the restaurant. That looks like goodbye to me. Was that goodbye?

I discreetly follow her out of the restaurant and spot her over by the valet. I get just close enough to hear her conversation with the young man.

“I need the keys to my car, but I would like to leave it here because I think I’ve had a little too much wine. Is that okay?” Her voice is soft and melodic, almost forced.

“Yes. ma’am, that’s fine,” the valet responds.

“Would you mind terribly calling me a taxi?” she asks, and it sounds like she’s going to break down any minute. I walk over to the valet.

“That won’t be necessary,” I say, taking her ticket from her hand and giving it to the valet. She turns around and looks at me, tears brimming in her eyes. “I’ll make sure that you and your car get home safely.” The valet looks at me and then at her, awaiting her approval. She nods to him and he’s off to get her car. She stands there momentarily with her head down, clinging to her purse, until the valet returns with her car. She walks to the passenger side and almost flinches a bit when I open the door for her. She mutters a barely audible “Thank you” before sitting in the passenger seat. I palm the valet a large tip before getting in the driver’s seat. I turn to her and ask, “What’s your address?” She looks over at me with a half sneer on her face.

“I’m sure you already know,” she says softly, before dropping her head. I guess there’s no use in pretending anymore, is there?

“Well, I do, but I haven’t memorized it,” I lie. She gives me her address and I call Taylor, informing him to meet me at her apartment and pretending he needs the address, too. I feel like she should have some of her dignity intact after what looked like a very public break-up.

“Boyfriend?” I ask cautiously. She looks over at me. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to pry.”

She sighs. “Ex.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” she continues. “It was nearly four years ago.”

“Oh,” I say, pretending not to already know, but glad to find out that the relationship hasn’t been rekindled.

“He was trying to reconnect.” She’s had a bit of wine in her and I’m sure that it’s making her a little chatty.

“We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to,” I say.

“It’s okay,” she says, looking out the window and wiping one lone tear from her face. “It’s definitely over now.” She clears her throat.

“Do you still love him?” I ask, after a beat. She takes a moment to answer the question, a little too long for my taste.

“He’ll always have a place in my heart,” she says. “I don’t want to see him hurt, that’s painful. I think about him a lot when I’m alone because he’s all I know.” She pauses again. “But, no. I don’t love him anymore. I needed closure, and I got that tonight. I just didn’t expect it to feel so… final.” That’s the definition of closure, Dear. “I don’t understand you people!” she snaps.

“‘You people?'” I ask. I’m sure I’m supposed to know what this means, but I don’t.

“You people with the penises! The only good ones I’ve ever met are my friends and my dad… the rest of you are… idiots.” I laugh aloud.

“Thanks!” I say, shaking my head.

“Oh, come on, Christian. You‘ve been a real asshole for the last three weeks. I was beginning to think you weren’t even human.” She lays her head against the window. She’s right as usual, but the way she says my name… something shot through me. I don’t know what it was, but I have to get her to say it again.

“Nobody calls me that,” I chuckle. She looks over at me.

“Calls you what?” she asks.

“By my first name.”

“Christian?” Music. I hear violins and cellos, beautiful piano concertos when she says it.

“Yes,” I say, a little breathy. “Only my family…” and the crazy pedophile bitch that I need to get out of my life.

“There’s someone else.” She picks up on it immediately.

“Someone that I used to call ‘friend.'” I say matter-of-factly. “Other than that, everybody calls me ‘Sir,’ ‘Mr. Grey,’ or just ‘Grey.'”

“Just Grey,” she repeats. I smirk a bit and look over at her.

“Just Grey,” I say, knowing that she’s recalling our initial introduction. She looks back out the window.

“No girlfriend?” she asks cautiously.

“I’ve never had a girlfriend.” She looks at me skeptically. “It’s a long story. Maybe one day, I’ll tell you.” She rolls her eyes.

“I’ll hold my breath.” Oh, Ms. Steele, don’t tempt me tonight. I have had many dreams about bringing you into submission, and whether they can come true or not, I sure as hell would love to try. I turn into her parking garage and wait for instructions. She looks at me expecting.

“You don’t know it already?” she laughs.

“No, Ms. Steele. That bit of information did not come up on your background check.” She shifts uncomfortably.


“That’s your code?” I say, puzzled.

“No. Call me Ana. My code is 2715,” she says solemnly. I punch in the code and she directs me to her assigned spot.


“Would you like to come in?” I find myself asking as he hands me my car keys. He looks at me skeptically. “Don’t worry. I’m not some drunken college student that makes bad decisions and forgets them in the morning. Your virtue is safe.” I push the button to call the elevator. He strides in behind me when it arrives and just as the doors close, I feel the electricity again. It’s that same electricity I thought I would only feel for Edward, but it’s different. With Edward, it’s a spark—a jolt. With Christian, it’s like fire! I stay on my side of the elevator for fear that I will turn into a drunken teenager and jump his bones! Come on, come on, come on, I inwardly urge the elevator to hurry up. I think I gasp with relief when it finally gets to my floor.

I scramble a bit to get out of the elevator and my heel gets caught in the opening on the floor. Almost in slow motion I’m tumbling to the floor before strong arms wrap around me and pull me back up, close to his body. His muscles feel like steel, but warm. I’m panting, but I don’t know if it’s from the shock of a near fall or from being this close to this wall of beautiful man. Maybe it’s a bit of both.

“Methinks the wine may be getting to you a bit, Ana,” he says, a little mockingly.

“No,” I say, pointing to the shoe now stuck in the elevator, “Methinks my shoe got stuck.” He looks at the shoe.

“Could be that, too,” he snickers.

He lets me go and I’m now on my hands and knees trying to pry my shoe out of the slot between the door and the floor. I’m just about to declare victory when the heel breaks and the elevator doors close.

“Dammit!” I exclaim getting to my feet and examining the now useless beautiful purple stiletto. “I loved these shoes.” I lift my foot and snatch the other stiletto off. “That’s what I get for wearing some of my favorite shoes to a bloodbath.” I walk to my apartment door and open it. “Welcome to my humble abode,” I say as I throw my purse and keys on the dining table. “Make yourself at home.” I walk into the kitchen examining my dead stilettos. “Shit!” I say aloud as I toss them in the garbage. “Can I offer you something to drink?

“What do you have?” he asks.

“Cabernet Sauvignon—unfortunately, not as good as the bottle you bought—Chardonnay, beer—domestic, orange juice, sparkling water and cranberry, bottled water, tea and coffee. Hard stuff’s in the bar.” I point to the wet bar at the end of the dining room. “I’m going to opt for the coffee and the water.” I go to the refrigerator and crack open a bottle of water.

“Coffee sounds good to me,” he says.

“I have gourmet, Colombian, French Roast, and good old-fashioned Folgers. Do you have a preference?” He laughs a little.

“Whatever you brew is fine.”

“Are you laughing at me, Christian?” I ask, coyly. He flashes the biggest, brightest smile I’ve ever seen. My knees go weak and I think I just got a coochie boner.

“I’m just amazed by how prepared you are. You’re like a boy scout.”

“I’ve never been compared to a boy scout,” I say, as I start the coffee maker.

“Well, I’ve never seen a boy scout that looked like you,” he says, almost seductively. Oh boy, this is going to be a long night.

“Well, while the coffee is brewing, I’m going to go change into something other than this beautiful dress before it gets ruined along with my sexy stilettos.” I pause. “My best friend usually keeps some clothes here for when he needs to crash. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind you borrowing some if you want to get more comfortable, but…” I eye him from top to bottom, “I’m afraid you’re a bit bigger than Al.” He smiles again. Heaven help me.

“If you don’t mind, I can just take off my jacket and my dress shirt and wear my T-shirt and that will be fine.”

“Fine by me. Be right back.” I dash into my bedroom and take off the purple fold dress. I feel the need to remain pretty and I’m going to need a little help, so I leave on the Agent Provocateur lingerie and just grab my princess seam floral mini-sundress—easy to put on and comfortable—and a pair of slides. When I come back out of the room, he’s standing with his back to me. He has just removed his shirt and he’s draping it over one of my dining chairs along with his navy suit jacket. His T-shirt is clinging to his muscular form and his pants are hanging off his hips just so, framing one very sexy ass. Bon Dieu Tout-Puissant! Where does God get off creating such wonderful specimens as this! He turns around to face me and the front looks as good as the back. Strong, chiseled chest, easily definable six-pack abs

“Hasn’t anyone ever told you that it’s not nice to stare, Ms. Steele?” Oh shit! There’s a mouth attached to this vision of sexiness. I completely forgot. I shake my head a bit and drop my eyes.

“I’m… sorry,” I mutter.

Well, fuck, I’m not. Look again! Look again!
Will you please try to control yourself, you horny heifer?
Oh, and you’re not? I saw your eyes headed towards his dick! If he hadn’t said anything, you’d be gawking at it right now. Go ahead, tell me you wouldn’t! I dare you!
Oh dear Lord, please let her shut up tonight? In my not-quite-dissipated wine-induced haze, I might start talking to her crazy ass out loud.

“Are you alright, Ana?” Christian questions. I’m able to gain a bit of my senses.

“A little embarrassed,” I say as I make my way to the cabinet to get coffee cups. “You… caught me a bit off guard.”

“Don’t be,” he says in his deep, sexy voice and I have to stop myself from almost staring again.

“Cream or sugar?” I ask as I hand him his coffee.

“No thanks,” he replies taking a sip. I smile.

“Black… a man after my own heart.” The words are out of my mouth before I have a chance to catch them. I silently curse myself as I replace the coffee pot and sit down across from him at the breakfast bar.

“Why did you quit?” he asks as I take a sip of my coffee.

“Excuse me?” I put my cup on the counter.

“Why did you quit? Was it because of me?” He wraps his hands around the cup. I look down at my coffee and tuck a curl behind my ear.

“Not entirely,” I begin nervously. “I wasn’t doing my job. I wasn’t helping anyone. No matter how hard I tried, I had become cynical. Each face ran into the next. It was bound to happen sooner or later.”

“What about your practice?” he asks.

Oh, I love my practice. It was the group thing that was slowly draining the life out of me. I guess everything that helps you may not necessarily be for you.” I notice he stiffens a bit with that statement.

“Yes. I’m realizing that lately.” He takes another sip of his coffee. We sit in an uncomfortable silence for a moment, then I stand up from my stool.

“Are you hungry, because I’m starving.” I walk over to the refrigerator to raid what I may have. “I only have leftovers hiding in here, probably nothing to match your delicate palate,” I say playfully mocking, “but I only had appetizers this evening, so I’m going to try to throw something together.” When I turn around to him, he looks quite pleased with the idea.

“I could definitely eat something since I was slightly distracted at ‘dinner.'”

“Do I even want to know how you knew where I was?” I ask as I place an antipasto tray on the breakfast bar between our two seats. He shifts uncomfortably.

“I’ve been keeping an eye on you since our encounter last week,” he admits. I pull some French bread from the refrigerator and put in under the warmer.

“Which means you been having me followed,” I say flatly. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay… and I wanted to see if I needed to turn myself into the authorities!” he states, a little sarcastically. “It seems like I scared you.”

“You did scare me,” I say, moving the bread to the chopping board and cutting a few thin slices, “mostly because I had no idea why you were kissing me,” I add softly.

“I was caught in the moment,” he says, his voice getting slightly deeper. “You have to know that you’re a very beautiful woman.” Oh, boy… breathe, Anastasia, breathe.

“No prettier than the next girl,” I say, as I mix drinks of sparkling water and cranberry to accompany our light dinner.

“Oh, seriously, Ana? You have to know what you do to men. That’s why this David fellow is panting after you like a sick puppy,” he states. I pause for a moment, wondering how he knows Edward’s last name. Then I remember… background check.

“Oh, please, let’s not talk about him. He’s panting after me because he was a lying, cheating dog. I broke up with him years ago and now he wants me back. End of story.” I grab an olive and a chunk of provolone. “So, tell me, Christian, why no girlfriends?” He looks at me like I’ve just asked him for the secrets of the Da Vinci Code.

“I don’t think I’m ready to tell you that just yet, Ms. Steele,” he says, taking pieces from the tray for himself.

“Ana, and why not?” I ask before chewing and swallowing a piece of salami. “We already have background checks on each other. All that’s left is to fill in the blanks.” I sip my water and cranberry. He takes out his blackberry and starts typing away. “That’s so rude. What are you doing?”

“I’m telling Taylor that he can leave and I’ll call him when I’m ready to go. He’s been sitting outside waiting for me all this time.” Oh. Okay.

“Sorry,” I say quickly. “So… girlfriends?” I say, still munching away.

“I have a question for you first,” he says, trying to redirect the conversation, no doubt. But okay, I’ll bite.

“Fine. What is it?”

“Lambert. Why?” A terrible chill runs through me. I feel myself starting to shake before I get a little light-headed. The next thing I know, I’ve fallen off the stool. I don’t know when or how it happened, but I’m nearly on the floor, in his arms… again.

How the hell did he get here? Did he jump over the damn bar?

“What happened?” I gasp.

“I think I may have asked a question that I shouldn’t have asked,” he says, concerned. “I’m sorry.” I look up at him and his eyes are a gentle, soft, concerned silver gray. He lifts me back up and sets me gently on my feet. I’m holding on to his biceps trying to steady myself.

“Are you okay?” he asks softly.

“Yes,” I breathe and swallow hard, as that electricity from the elevator resurfaces and threatens to burn through every bit of my sanity. I bite my lip as I try to regulate my breathing and my heartbeat. He puts his thumb on my chin and releases my lip from my teeth.

“Please don’t bite your lip,” he says, just above a whisper.

“Why not?” I say, my voice still breathy.

Without warning, he bends down and traces my lips with his tongue. I feel as if I will truly combust any second. Oh God, he smells so good. His lips replace his tongue, brushing against the left corner of my mouth, then the top lip, working his way over to the right corner, and finally my bottom lip to end up back where he started. When he starts the journey again with his tongue, my tongue reflexively comes out to meet his. Then, he pounces, pulling me hard against him, his arms snaking possessively around my body. He’s kissing me feverishly and every part of my body that was asleep has now awakened for sure. I thread my fingers into his feathery soft hair and return the kiss, rewarded by a deep moan in his chest.

I’m a goner.

I don’t know how long we stand there making out in my kitchen, but when he pulls his mouth from my lips and presses his forehead against mine, we’re both completely breathless.

“Good grief!” I whisper, panting, the first to break the silence. His hand is on the side of my face and neck, and he’s peppering my lips with gentle kisses again. I whimper softly as his hands slide back into my hair, still scooped up in the magical Valerie Marshall up-do. I can only feel heat. Heat everywhere. Heat from his body, heat from his lips, heat from his fingertips, heat from his erection pressing against my belly…

“Ana,” he moans as his lips travel down to my neck. I’m fighting for precious air. My limbs feel like spaghetti. “Do you want me to stop?” He’s kissing and licking the tender skin on my neck. I’m once again holding onto his biceps to steady myself, not that I need to because he’s not letting me go anywhere.

“Christian…” I breathe. Against everything my body is screaming, I manage to say, “Wait… please…”

He lets me go quickly, much like he did in his office a week ago, only this time he doesn’t turn away. I’m leaning against my refrigerator, my chest rising and falling almost violently. I can almost imagine the many shades of pale and pink that must be coursing through my face right now. Christian is leaning against my breakfast bar a few feet away, examining me with slate gray eyes filled with desire. He’s breaking me down just by standing there. Jésus-Christ, aide-moi!

Are you crazy? Why would you deny me when I’m so close?
Oh, for the love of God, please shut up and let me think!
Don’t think! I’m horny! I can’t take it anymore! I’m losing my mind!
Okay, this is it. Insanity is officially setting in.

“You want me.”

His voice breaks me from the internal argument with the Bitch.

“Huh?” I‘m still kiss-dazed and confused. He’s walking slowly towards me, stalking me, closing the space between us.

“I don’t know when it happened and I don’t care when it happened, but I want you, and I know that you want me. So, are we going to continue to pretend that’s not what’s going on between us or are you going to let me take you to bed and give your body what it so richly deserves?”

Saint. Vache. Batman.

My mouth is hanging open and I can’t even form my words. I can imagine that I must look like a deer caught in headlights. I’m certainly going to expire. Death by anticipation.

Here lies Ana—all she really needed was a good fuck.

He’s so close to me, but not touching. I can’t think. I close my eyes for a moment— respirer, Ana, respirer.

“Open your eyes…” he commands gently. I look up at him, molten gray eyes piercing through me and snatching away all of my resistance. “What’s it going to be, Ana?” He cups the side of my face with his huge hand. “Do you want me to go home alone and sleep tonight, or do you want me to stay here with you and make you scream all night?”

Wha… wha…? All I can do it nod. He brings his lips feverishly close to my ear.

“You have to tell me, baby.” His breath in my ear is sending shock waves through my knees. I don’t think they’re going to hold much longer. “What’s it going to be?”

“Take me to bed,” I whisper.

He pushes me hard against the refrigerator and bends his knees slightly so that he’s at my level. He’s kissing me so deeply and so passionately, like he’s been without human contact for just as long as I have if not longer. I feel as if I’ll physically sink down into him and disappear. I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my hands in his hair again and pull slightly.

“Fuck!” he groans into my mouth as his hands travel down to my ass. He grabs the cheeks and forcefully pushes me against his growing erection.

Sacre bleu! Pyrotechnics in my crotch!

I lift my legs and wrap them around his hips. He stumbles a bit trying to catch us both before we fall. With one arm around my waist, the other hand pushes my dress up and he grasps my thigh. He buries his face in my neck and groans loudly. “Shit, Ana! Are you wearing stockings?”

“Uh-huh!” I gasp, holding my head back to give him better access to his target. He starts to carry me through the apartment.

“Which is your bedroom?” he mumbles.

“End of the hall… to the left,” I pant. He bursts through the door of my bedroom like a man breaking out of jail. He slides me down his body onto the floor and reaches around to remove my arms from his neck. He strokes my arms from my shoulders all the way down to my hands, dropping to his knees in front of me as he goes. It’s taking everything in me to control my breathing as I look down at him, running his hands up my calves to my thighs, then lifting my dress so that he can see the tops of my stockings. He gasps as he’s presented with the sensual lace at the top of my delicate jet-black hosiery.

“Beautiful,” he says as he kisses the tender exposed flesh of my thigh. Jolts of pleasure shoot straight from his lips to my center and I whimper as I grab on to his shoulder to keep from collapsing. I can feel my poor little thong getting drenched from my juices as his hands travel back up to my bare ass and his tongue continues to tease the pale skin of my thighs.

“Christian…!” I whine, unable to stand on my own. He stands quickly and turns me around.

“Let’s get you out of this, shall we?” He unzips my dress. He gently takes the straps in his fingers and pulls them off my shoulders, allowing the feather-light material to billow gently to the floor. I step out of my dress and my slides simultaneously. His touch on my skin is sending delicious twangs of desire coursing through every inch of my body. I close my eyes and absorb this feeling that has eluded me for so many years. He pulls me close to him as he cups my breasts in his hands from behind, teasing my nipples through the material. He’s licking the back of my neck, peppering soft and wet kisses and nips along my collarbone, my bare shoulders, my back.

“Oh, Christian, please…” I breathe.

“Impatient, Ana?” he coaxes.

“Yes,” I close my eyes and lean back into him. “It’s been too long.”

“Well,” he says as he reaches back and unhooks my bra, “we’ll have to rectify that, won’t we?”


I turn her around to face me and she looks exquisite in her lingerie, naked from the waist up. My own little Ana doll that I get to play with as I please. She will forget about everything tonight—all the demons following her, the painful memories of ex-boyfriends, the long time it’s been since someone has touched her body right. It’s my job to make her forget it all.

I lay her on the bed, her chest heaving a frantic pace. “Relax, Baby.” I kiss her gently on the lips and look into her timid blue eyes. “Are you nervous?”

“A little,” she says softly.

“Why?” I ask. She bites her lip again. Fuck, that is so sexy.

“It’s been a long time and… I’m… out of practice.” Is she worried about satisfying me? Isn’t she sweet?

“Oh, Ana. This is all about you. So, you just relax and enjoy.” I can still see trepidations in those deep blue pools, so I kiss her left eyelid, then her right. “Relax, baby.” I gently kiss her cheek, then her jawbone around to her ear. “Let me handle it,” I breathe into her ear before nibbling her earlobe, “okay?”

“Okay,” she whimpers softly and I can tell that she’s trying to control her breathing again.

I trail kisses down her neck to her chest before taking one of her beautiful breasts in my mouth. I torture her nipple with my tongue and teeth while I pinch and tease the other one between my fingers. She’s writhing underneath me as I hear her whimper repeatedly, “No… no… no…” more to herself than to me. I recognize this as an attempt to fend off a pending orgasm.

Oh goody! This is going to be so much fun!

“You like that, baby?” I breathe against her nipple.

“Oh, God, yes!” she gasps. She’s likely to come any second, but I want to play some more, so she will have to wait. I move from her breast down to the portion of her stomach at the top of the suspender garter belt. This is so hot and sexy… I think we’ll leave this. I move down to her pretty lacy transparent thong. Brazilian wax.

Oh, fuck! My manhood twitches wildly in my pants. It feels like Christmas.

“Ana, are you on birth control?” I ask cautiously.

“Yes,” she breathes, “Ever since… for many years.” Her mood shifts slightly. I need to bring her back—back to ecstasy with me. I nestle my head between her thighs and rub my nose against the flimsy thong. “Ah!” she calls out, more from surprise I think.

“Oh, baby. Your smell is so alluring.” I lick her lips through the thin material.

Mmm!” she whimpers. It almost sounds like she’s going to cry. When I look up at her, her head is thrown back in pure passion and she’s grabbing the sheets. Let’s not make this little flower wait any longer. I pull her thong to the side and begin my assault on her clitoris, around and around. Fuck, she tastes divine.

Aaggghh… Christian!” she almost screams as she grabs fistfuls of my hair. “Oh, God… no… no…” She’s thrusting her hips into my mouth, positively primal. I loop my arms underneath her thighs and clamp them over her hips, basically immobilizing her.

“You’re going to have to keep still, baby,” I growl as she attempts to regain control of her body. I kick off my shoes as I resume the stimulation of her most sensitive parts.

Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh,” she screams again as she attempts to withstand the torment. Now she must endure the pleasure, unable to move her hips. “Christian! Fuck!” She’s still trying to fend off her orgasm. Baby, don’t you know I plan to make you come all night? But that’s okay. You’ve waited a long time for this. You fight it as much as you like… but that doesn’t mean I’m going easy on you.

I feel her clit stiffen and begin to pulsate and I know her orgasm is seconds away, so I stop the stimulation and blow gently on her exposed clit through her panties.

“Christian…no…” she mewls.

Ssshhhh,” I soothe as I place her hips gently back on the bed. I stand and quickly remove my pants, boxers, and socks. She gasps at the size of my fully erect member. “We’ll go slow, baby. I know it’s been a long time.” I crawl between her legs again and part her thighs. In two swift movements, her flimsy thong is a small piece of useless material tossed somewhere on the floor.

I position my head right at her entrance. I’m throbbing as I reach between us and stroke up and down teasing just inside the lips on the side of her clitoris before gently massaging the nub with my fingers.

“Mon Dieu… Christian!” she begs as she arches her back slightly. Shit! Was that French? That was fucking hot!

“You like that?” I tease, fueled by her bilingual reaction.

Yeeessssss!” she moans.

I separate her folds with my cock and then gently slip into the wetness inside. I can feel her folding around me, welcoming this invasion like a long-awaited visitor.

Ooooooohh… aaahhhh,” she cries out at the fullness.

Oh fuck. She feels just as good as I thought she would. Better, in fact. I can’t move. She’s so tight that if I stroke now, I’ll most certainly come immediately.

“Please…” she whispers in my ear. Control, Grey. I move slowly, gently grinding my hips into her.

“Ah!” she moans into my neck. Oh… shit. I take her mouth and start to fuck—deep and hard. Her feet clamp together behind my back and I groan into her mouth as I rock my pelvis, my dick sinking into her soft, hot, wet velvet folds all the way to the hilt. I can feel her start to quiver. Not yet, baby, not yet. It’s too soon. I pause moving until the vibrations stop.

“Christian, please!” she whimpers.

“I know, baby,” I start to move again, relishing the feeling of her wrapped around me. It’s exquisite. I’m rubbing the delicate skin on her ass and she feels divine.

“Fuck,” I growl as I bend to taste her neck and her jaw. I feel a small sheen of sweat develop on her skin as I take her nipple between my fingers and tease it until it is hard and pink.

“Ah… Christian…” she’s panting now and I can feel her hips move to meet me. “Please… don’t stop… please…” she begs through her breaths.

Shit, she is so hot. I can’t hold on much longer. She’s a perfect fit and my cock is begging to be buried here forever. Fuck! Control, Man, control. My mouth is back on to hers and my hand travels up to her neck. I hold with the slightest firmness, my lips grazing her cheek as I drive my cock into her over and over again—deep and slow, then a little faster.

“Oh, God… Christian…” she whimpers again, and I feel the quivering again. It won’t be long now. I pull her thighs further apart and gyrate my hips a bit to open her vaginal lips. I feel her clit against my pelvis.

“Ah… ah… ah… ” I take her mouth, swallowing her moans, feeding off her pleasure, mercilessly hitting her clit each time I pound into her precious wet flesh. “Shiiiiit!” I hiss as I feel my own release, hovering just beyond my reach. This is sensuous, carnal, searing pleasure. It almost makes me feel like I have a soul… almost. I look at my Ana. Her mouth is open and her eyes are closed. Pure ecstasy. Oh, fuck, she is too much. I need her to give herself to me… now!

“I’ve got you, Baby,” I say in her ear. “Give it to me.” I feel her stiffen and her pussy clamps down on me like a vice. She starts to wail almost and my mouth covers hers, claiming her cries as my prize. As she rides out her orgasm, my release comes like a burning tidal wave—searing and burning from my feet up through my calves and thighs and through my balls and cock like flaming fucking hot lava.

Arrgh… ah… fuuuck!” My teeth are clenched and I can’t move. I feel like the bottom half of my body has literally separated from the top, and I can do nothing but ride out this agonizing, intense, pleasure/pain experience. “Oh… fuck… Ana!” It seems to go on forever. After an eternity, it finally subsides and we’re both lying on her bed, gasping for precious air.

A/N: I’m sure that you all know this already, but there may be a few that do not. The “JBF” look-JBF hair is “just been fucked” hair. It’s how Christian’s hair looks all the time, but Ana’s sported a sexy JBF look for dinner with Edward.

I had someone tell me that they didn’t know what a “Coochie boner” is. Your coochie is your vagina. You know what a “boner” is. Figure it out. 😉

I picked the Joseline garter because it is wide enough and high enough in the back to cover her brand… so, no, Christian hasn’t seen it yet.

Make sure that you check out my Pinterest page for Ana clothes and lingerie at

Was it worth the wait? (Hiding my headmy first lemon EVER)

You can join my mailing list on the “Contact Me” page. Just indicate in the message that you would like to join the mailing list.

~~love and handcuffs

6 thoughts on “Paging Dr. Steele: Chapter 15: In With The New

  1. Judith Ross says:

    I swear u have the best lemons. I love this chapter. She finally got her closure. I now question or double take when I meet someone with 2 last names. Hehehe

  2. Lizzy says:

    I love reading their first time together, where the magic is cemented in for the both of them!!

  3. Paula Alb says:

    Me encanto el capitulo!! Nunca crei que despues de esa cena de cierre Ana y Christian terminarian charlando y teniendo su primer encuentro sexual.
    Te quedo muy bueno. Excelente.
    Tengo miedo del dia siguiente a todo esto, espero que Christian no lo tome como algo de una noche

  4. Rachel Anderson says:

    As im now caught up with the story, I decided to read it again! It was awesome the first time around and now it’s even better!! Love you Lynn!!

  5. Vicki Mcdaniel says:

    Rereading so gooood

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